It has officially been two months to the day that my soldier returned from deployment in Iraq! It really feels like that was a lifetime ago. When I go back and re-read my old posts, it seems like such a distant memory. Maybe I've blocked it out? I am glad I blogged during that time, however. It's interesting to re-live those moments through my posts.
So, I am not sure where to even begin. The last couple months have been packed with activities!!
A little over a week after my soldier returned, we got married!!!!! So, yep, I'm a real-life Army spouse now! On March 18, 2011 we had a small ceremony to make it official! We actually wanted to go to the courthouse, but they don't do services on Fridays, and we later found out that there was a three-week waiting list for judge performed ceremonies.
Since he's not technically allowed to live off-post without being married, we couldn't wait too long. My sister flew in from New York and several of our friends here came to our very informal ceremony. We didn't have family there, except for my sister who pretty much insisted and gave me no choice. (which I was of course happy she could be there!) We didn't want to make it a big deal, and have to rent out a venue and that creates a catering issue, and it's just a snow-ball rolling downhill from there!
We were thrifty and only spent $50 on the minister, and $25 to rent out our apartment's clubhouse for an hour. Most of that hour was spent mulling around waiting for everyone to show up; the ceremony only took about 15 minutes. That being longer than we wanted, but when you "eeny, meeny, minie, moe" pick out a minister, you never know what you are going to get! In hindsight, I wish I had interviewed the minister a bit more to see how his version of the ceremony would be, but it got the job done. He was a bit long winded and did a few ceremonial things that we could have done without, but we'll always remember it, and it was still very special.
Afterwards we invited everyone to a nice sports bar & grill in town for dinner. One of my husband's fellow soldiers made us an amazing wedding cake and surprised us! She had only asked what kind of cake we liked, so I assumed it would be just a standard sheet cake. Nope. It was a three-tiered wedding cake, with topper (that another soldier had purchased for us) and decorated with red roses. I was so impressed and flattered that she would go through so much trouble for us!
We then headed down the street to the bowling alley and had some adult beverages, bowled and had a fabulous time! It was so nice to have a relaxed evening and a low-stress wedding!!!!
The next night we stayed in the next town over, which is larger, and went to a couple bars and got a hotel room that we could walk to. We had a great time!
Since then, I have struggled my way through class and finally finished my final project. Class is officially over for this semester! I have my new military i.d. so that is official! I still need to legally change my last name... that is a project for this summer! It's such a process and a pain in the rear!
I have to say that the "re-deployment" as it's called (which is when the soldiers come home and reintegrate back into "regular" life) was not exactly how I envisioned it was going to be.
I found that I wasn't always sure what to do with myself. (which is actually not all that uncommon for me....) I didn't want to hover, I didn't want to crowd his space, but I also didn't want to be too far away from him at any given time... At the same time, after about a week, I was craving my "alone" time... I missed the independence that I had when it was just me. I also found myself getting frustrated with doing simple things, like making lunch or dinner. Let me explain.. When it was just me, I would eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. If I wanted to eat popcorn and sliced cheese for dinner, that was cool. If I wasn't hungry until 3pm and then ate dinner at midnight, that was fine too. So it was a big change to think, "Oh, it's 6pm, that means we better figure out what to eat...and do we want to eat the same thing?"
There were several days when I wanted to go "do something" outside of the house, and he didn't. He was perfectly satisfied with hanging out and watching t.v. and movies and surfing the web. I, on the other hand, had been doing this for months and was ready to go out and have fun with my guy.
He was also a little "antsy" (his words) for a while. It was a big change for him; He was used to being on edge all the time, in a heightened state of awareness.
Another thing he mentioned was the fact he was going from being "under the thumb" at all times, for example, they only had a few places they could go at certain times. (the dinning facility, computer center, the px, or work) Now that he was back "the world was his oyster" as the saying goes, and it was quite overwhelming.
There was one day in particular that I was just anxious and felt crowded and cranky in the house and decided I needed to go to Walmart. He started to get ready to go with me, and then stopped....He is good at reading me sometimes... He said, "Or do you want to go by yourself?" and then smiled. I felt bad, but I told him that it would be nice to go alone.
So all in all, it's been wonderful, but it is a challenge. It is definitely something that both partners have to work at, communicate, and make sure to stay on the same page! If not, insecurities are certain to build and misunderstandings of actions and words will eat away at the relationship. I feel extremely blessed to be able to share my feelings with my spouse so openly, and he does the same. In a military life, I think there would be no other way if you want to keep a good marriage. There are so many obstacles to face... you need to be on the same team.
With that said, I have also had thoughts about the next deployment... I have lots of fears, worry, anxiety.. There is nothing in writing or even rumoring... but I know that he'll be eligible for deployment in 2013. It will most likely be a year deployment, and as the world stands now (but could easily change at any time) it would be to Afghanistan. I have to force myself to block it out some days. At the same time though, I have to keep it in my mind. If we want to start a family any time soon, we have to plan around deployments! Or do we wait? For how long? Time will tell, but for today I am relishing in the "honeymoon phase" that we are in at the moment. If there is anything good about deployments, as I've heard, it's the continual honeymoon phases after deployments.
This is the longest we have ever been together as a couple. It's so great to be able to know that, at least for a while, we can be together. No one has to fly back home, we don't have to wait for the next four-day weekend to see one another, there aren't restrictions of when we can talk to each other, we don't have to wait for a Skype call with a grainy picture and audio delay, just to glimpse our beloved.
Even on the worst days, we have each other!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Day Eighty One.
This is it! This is the day! The day I have been waiting for ... for Eighty One days! I just didn't know what exact day it would be way back then.
It has been a journey, let me tell ya! Today I was putting away the dishes and thinking of the last time my soldier was here. It was before Christmas.. and I think of all the days that have passed without him, and the things I have done since he's been gone, it is a different kind of feeling that I don't quite know how to put into words. In some ways it seems like just yesterday... in others it seems like such a long time ago.
While I was getting ready this afternoon, I was thinking of how it will be when he gets home. It too is a strange feeling. I have gotten so used to doing everything on my own.. talking to myself or the cat while I'm puttering around the house, being on my own schedule and eating odd things at all hours of the day and night.. sleeping when I can or when exhaustion has finally taken over.. it will be so different in about 4 hours from now, when we are BOTH back in the apartment! It's not a bad thing, it is actually a very good thing, but also will take some adjusting for both of us.
For him, he's been so used to having no privacy, staying with two roommates or in a giant tent full of fifty other soldiers. For me it's been almost solitary confinement in my own apartment. I've been alone in the eight small rooms that I call home, with a little four-legged critter, trying to make sense of each day. He has had each day planned out for him, reporting this time or that time, staring at the same four walls and desert landscape. We are merging from two very different places! It funny to me that this really occurred to me just today. I mean, I've thought about it briefly at times, but never like, whoa!
I am anxious, even though for us it has been barely three months, to get to know each other all over again. Again, I am thankful that we only had to endure this short deployment this time.. and maybe we'll get lucky and there won't be another one...but I won't hold my breath.. So at least we had a good practice run, and will both know a little more what to expect the next time around. Until then, I plan to hold tight and enjoy every moment we have together!
I can barely stand to sit here right now. I have been sick the past few days, and I know I should be resting anyway, but I want nothing to do with anything related to sitting still. If there was something left to clean around here.. I would probably be cleaning it. I will be leaving in a few minutes, to go and wait some more! But we want to get there early for good parking, and seating! If I wasn't already sick, I would probably feel sick! Haha.
I'll try and continue blogging, but I'm sure it won't be as frequent. I am thankful I have been able to share my raw feelings on here without fear of judgment. It has been a huge help to bring me to face my feelings head on and address them and move on, and allow myself to really grow throughout this journey! Cheers to our Soldiers! May they ALL come home safe!! <3
It has been a journey, let me tell ya! Today I was putting away the dishes and thinking of the last time my soldier was here. It was before Christmas.. and I think of all the days that have passed without him, and the things I have done since he's been gone, it is a different kind of feeling that I don't quite know how to put into words. In some ways it seems like just yesterday... in others it seems like such a long time ago.
While I was getting ready this afternoon, I was thinking of how it will be when he gets home. It too is a strange feeling. I have gotten so used to doing everything on my own.. talking to myself or the cat while I'm puttering around the house, being on my own schedule and eating odd things at all hours of the day and night.. sleeping when I can or when exhaustion has finally taken over.. it will be so different in about 4 hours from now, when we are BOTH back in the apartment! It's not a bad thing, it is actually a very good thing, but also will take some adjusting for both of us.
For him, he's been so used to having no privacy, staying with two roommates or in a giant tent full of fifty other soldiers. For me it's been almost solitary confinement in my own apartment. I've been alone in the eight small rooms that I call home, with a little four-legged critter, trying to make sense of each day. He has had each day planned out for him, reporting this time or that time, staring at the same four walls and desert landscape. We are merging from two very different places! It funny to me that this really occurred to me just today. I mean, I've thought about it briefly at times, but never like, whoa!
I am anxious, even though for us it has been barely three months, to get to know each other all over again. Again, I am thankful that we only had to endure this short deployment this time.. and maybe we'll get lucky and there won't be another one...but I won't hold my breath.. So at least we had a good practice run, and will both know a little more what to expect the next time around. Until then, I plan to hold tight and enjoy every moment we have together!
I can barely stand to sit here right now. I have been sick the past few days, and I know I should be resting anyway, but I want nothing to do with anything related to sitting still. If there was something left to clean around here.. I would probably be cleaning it. I will be leaving in a few minutes, to go and wait some more! But we want to get there early for good parking, and seating! If I wasn't already sick, I would probably feel sick! Haha.
I'll try and continue blogging, but I'm sure it won't be as frequent. I am thankful I have been able to share my raw feelings on here without fear of judgment. It has been a huge help to bring me to face my feelings head on and address them and move on, and allow myself to really grow throughout this journey! Cheers to our Soldiers! May they ALL come home safe!! <3
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Day Seventy-Seven, Eight, Nine and Eighty!!
Oh wow! I have really been a slacker!
So Saturday through Tuesday is what I haven't written about. Let me think... Saturday I have no idea what I did. Sunday I had dinner with two Army wives that I just met. My professor at school introduced me to one of them. Her husband is in the same brigade as my boyfriend. She is my age, and the other lady is a little older, but she is the leader of the other unit's FRG. So they were both very informative and really fun to be around!
The past two days I have been sick! My boyfriend was actually supposed to be home tomorrow early in the morning, but due to a sandstorm their flight was delayed. So now the homecoming is tomorrow evening! I am still sick, but my to-do list is pretty much complete! All I have to do now is wait....
It's a little bit strange to think that in 24 hours, my honey will be here in this room with me! I can hardly believe it! I am sure it won't be truly real until he's here in my arms, in the flesh... even then it may seem like a dream!
I haven't talked to him since Sunday, and even then it was only Facebook chat. I'm not sure why I haven't gotten an email or anything. My guess is that it costs money to purchase internet and he probably assumes I will get the information from the other girls. I am glad that I have the other ladies to communicate the info to me. I haven't actually heard from the "official" channels yet. Not certain that I will. But as long as I am getting the information some how, I am okay with that. I just miss talking to my honey! We'll have plenty of time for that here soon! Just one more day to get through! I can't wait!!!!
So Saturday through Tuesday is what I haven't written about. Let me think... Saturday I have no idea what I did. Sunday I had dinner with two Army wives that I just met. My professor at school introduced me to one of them. Her husband is in the same brigade as my boyfriend. She is my age, and the other lady is a little older, but she is the leader of the other unit's FRG. So they were both very informative and really fun to be around!
The past two days I have been sick! My boyfriend was actually supposed to be home tomorrow early in the morning, but due to a sandstorm their flight was delayed. So now the homecoming is tomorrow evening! I am still sick, but my to-do list is pretty much complete! All I have to do now is wait....
It's a little bit strange to think that in 24 hours, my honey will be here in this room with me! I can hardly believe it! I am sure it won't be truly real until he's here in my arms, in the flesh... even then it may seem like a dream!
I haven't talked to him since Sunday, and even then it was only Facebook chat. I'm not sure why I haven't gotten an email or anything. My guess is that it costs money to purchase internet and he probably assumes I will get the information from the other girls. I am glad that I have the other ladies to communicate the info to me. I haven't actually heard from the "official" channels yet. Not certain that I will. But as long as I am getting the information some how, I am okay with that. I just miss talking to my honey! We'll have plenty of time for that here soon! Just one more day to get through! I can't wait!!!!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Day Seventy-Five & Seventy Six.
Thursday March 3, 2011 & Friday March 4, 2011
It has been a busy couple days for me, which has really been a blessing! I am so glad to keep busy and make the time go faster, even though I am exhausted. It's a good kind of exhausted. I've been running errands and hanging out with some of the ladies here, as well as going to class, etc.
It is actually about 2am on Saturday that I am writing this. I just got home from a little get-together. It is probably the last one we will have before all the guys are back home. So it was nice to have some girl time and talk about what we still need to do to get things ready, what we want to wear for the homecoming, and share all our hopes and fears of the adjustment period.
Luck for us it probably won't be too much of an adjustment. It still will take a little getting used to, but definitely not as difficult as the people who had one-year or more deployments. But no matter how long they were gone, they were still greatly missed and all of our lives were turned upside down during that time. We all had to learn how to do things without our "better half" and figure out a new way of living, with the ache of our certain someone missing from our lives.
I actually feel really fortunate that we were able to communicate as much as we have. There were only a handful of days that we did not get to communicate. It will be so nice to be able to see his face in person though!
I am getting a little ahead of myself because we still have a short time to wait, but it's close enough that I am allowing myself to really dwell in the homecoming and how wonderful it will be to have him present in my daily life... in person!
It has been a busy couple days for me, which has really been a blessing! I am so glad to keep busy and make the time go faster, even though I am exhausted. It's a good kind of exhausted. I've been running errands and hanging out with some of the ladies here, as well as going to class, etc.
It is actually about 2am on Saturday that I am writing this. I just got home from a little get-together. It is probably the last one we will have before all the guys are back home. So it was nice to have some girl time and talk about what we still need to do to get things ready, what we want to wear for the homecoming, and share all our hopes and fears of the adjustment period.
Luck for us it probably won't be too much of an adjustment. It still will take a little getting used to, but definitely not as difficult as the people who had one-year or more deployments. But no matter how long they were gone, they were still greatly missed and all of our lives were turned upside down during that time. We all had to learn how to do things without our "better half" and figure out a new way of living, with the ache of our certain someone missing from our lives.
I actually feel really fortunate that we were able to communicate as much as we have. There were only a handful of days that we did not get to communicate. It will be so nice to be able to see his face in person though!
I am getting a little ahead of myself because we still have a short time to wait, but it's close enough that I am allowing myself to really dwell in the homecoming and how wonderful it will be to have him present in my daily life... in person!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Day Seventy-Three & Seventy Four.
Tuesday March 1, 2011 & Wednesday March 2, 2011
I am really exhausted this evening! I've had a busy couple days and not much sleep. I really hope that I will be able to sleep tonight! I had class yesterday, and got my car fixed, then went to the mall and wal-mart.. then today I went to the PX with one of the army wives and then to the commissary.
I did get to talk to my soldier today. He is feeling much better. He has been really bored the last couple days. They are basically only reporting for formations right now, so that is making time go really slow and making him miss home even more!
I've been trying to find a cute outfit to wear for the homecoming.. I just need to find some shoes now and I'll be set. The trouble is, there isn't much along the lines of shoe stores around here! I've checked a few places and haven't had any luck.. There is one other small women's store in town I can check, so I'll do that here soon. I still have some time! I am getting my hair done tomorrow, so I am excited for that! I haven't had it done in about 6 months now!!
I would like to write more, but I am really tired and can barely focus on what I'm typing!
I am really exhausted this evening! I've had a busy couple days and not much sleep. I really hope that I will be able to sleep tonight! I had class yesterday, and got my car fixed, then went to the mall and wal-mart.. then today I went to the PX with one of the army wives and then to the commissary.
I did get to talk to my soldier today. He is feeling much better. He has been really bored the last couple days. They are basically only reporting for formations right now, so that is making time go really slow and making him miss home even more!
I've been trying to find a cute outfit to wear for the homecoming.. I just need to find some shoes now and I'll be set. The trouble is, there isn't much along the lines of shoe stores around here! I've checked a few places and haven't had any luck.. There is one other small women's store in town I can check, so I'll do that here soon. I still have some time! I am getting my hair done tomorrow, so I am excited for that! I haven't had it done in about 6 months now!!
I would like to write more, but I am really tired and can barely focus on what I'm typing!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Day Seventy One & Seventy Two.
Sunday February 27, 2011 & Monday February 28, 2011
The last couple days have been okay. Yesterday I didn't get to talk to my boyfriend, so I of course was worried. I knew he was sick with pneumonia, so I couldn't help but think he was shipped off to a hospital or something..but I figured in all actuality he was sleeping and just not feeling well, which was exactly the case.
I did get to talk to him today. He was feeling better, but not 100%. He is just taking his medicine and trying to stay hydrated.. the usual when being sick. The good news, I guess, is that it was more in his sinuses than in his chest. I know that feels probably just as bad, if not worse, but it is at least not settling in his lungs. He sounded awful! But there was a little more "pep" to his step than the other day when I talked to him.
I know that he is probably fueled also by his homecoming being just a short time away. I am so excited to see my honey in person again! I will sometimes sit and picture him being here in the house with me.. just seems so surreal!
Tomorrow is a busy day for me. I have to get my car to the shop early and then I have school and then need to run to the store for a return, and stop by the mall to hopefully find a dress for my weddin'! I haven't had much luck so far, but I am determined!!! I may need to broaden my search a little, and fore-go the usual white dress. We shall see.
So off to bed I go. I'm really not that tired, but I have to start altering my sleep schedule back to a "normal" schedule.. no more of this staying up all night stuff!! (I hope..it's really not by choice) I just have to make a conscious effort to stay awake during the day even when I'm exhausted from not sleeping well at night. Being busy like tomorrow's schedule will really help with that!
The last couple days have been okay. Yesterday I didn't get to talk to my boyfriend, so I of course was worried. I knew he was sick with pneumonia, so I couldn't help but think he was shipped off to a hospital or something..but I figured in all actuality he was sleeping and just not feeling well, which was exactly the case.
I did get to talk to him today. He was feeling better, but not 100%. He is just taking his medicine and trying to stay hydrated.. the usual when being sick. The good news, I guess, is that it was more in his sinuses than in his chest. I know that feels probably just as bad, if not worse, but it is at least not settling in his lungs. He sounded awful! But there was a little more "pep" to his step than the other day when I talked to him.
I know that he is probably fueled also by his homecoming being just a short time away. I am so excited to see my honey in person again! I will sometimes sit and picture him being here in the house with me.. just seems so surreal!
Tomorrow is a busy day for me. I have to get my car to the shop early and then I have school and then need to run to the store for a return, and stop by the mall to hopefully find a dress for my weddin'! I haven't had much luck so far, but I am determined!!! I may need to broaden my search a little, and fore-go the usual white dress. We shall see.
So off to bed I go. I'm really not that tired, but I have to start altering my sleep schedule back to a "normal" schedule.. no more of this staying up all night stuff!! (I hope..it's really not by choice) I just have to make a conscious effort to stay awake during the day even when I'm exhausted from not sleeping well at night. Being busy like tomorrow's schedule will really help with that!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Day Sixty-Nine & Seventy.
Today I pretty much feel like a deck of cards.. a tower of cards stacked up and the slightest breeze will knock me down. The last few days have just been a barrage of bad news. It's actually only been a couple things, but at the point I am at, which is emotionally fragile, they all seem like big things.
My windshield wiper "transmission" has to be replaced and that basically means I can't drive anywhere if there is condensation or any sort of precipitation. So in the midst of all the errands and things I need to get done..I'm grounded. Stuck. They of course did not have the part, and to get a new one is around $250. (For ONE freaking wiper not working! The other one is FINE! Motor works. Wiper does not. ARGH.)
They are going to try a salvage yard to see if there are any used ones. But since it's Saturday, I won't know anything until Monday. I have things to do!!!!!! I think I am going to try spraying some rain-x on my windshield and just go for it anyway. If I have to pull over and wipe off my windshield then I guess that's what I'll do. I am stir crazy as it is, and knowing I'll be stuck here for two days with my to-do list sitting stagnant will drive me insane.
On top of that, I missed an event I wanted to go to for my class yesterday. We still have time to attend another event, but the one I really wanted to go to was yesterday, about a half hour after my windshield wiper broke. So that was a very unwelcome detour.
My soldier wasn't feeling well yesterday, and today as soon as he said hello, I knew he was worse. I could just hear the sickly pain in his voice. He went to sick-call today and they said he has pneumonia, and also had 102 fever! I just wanted to cry. First of all, I hate that he is sick. Second, pneumonia scares the crap out of me because I know it can get really bad, really fast. And Third, I wish I could be there to take care of him. All I can do is tell him to feel better and take care of himself. Might as well tape me up, gag me and stick me in a closet! It is so close to his homecoming and this is definitely not in the plans... I just don't want him to get stuck in a hospital over there or something and not get to come home.
So here I am stuck with a banged up car, hemorrhaging money.. a to-do list that won't quit, and me with a thundercloud over my head feeling like I have no control over anything.... and a sick boyfriend thousands of miles away, and no one there to make him soup, put a wet wash-cloth on his forehead, take his temp, keep him hydrated, and make sure he gets better... I hate this.
I'm so tired of having negative things to say is the kicker.. I don't want to talk to anyone because I don't want to be a downer all the time. I don't want to be a negative person.. I really try to stay positive, but today I am just over it. I am angry at hitting road blocks all the time and ready for something to go smoothly. It is really hard to have car issues and be 600 miles from home, and your man is even further away. I usually have my dad, or a friend who knows somebody who can do this or that. Out here I have no one but the stranger at the car shop who plans to rob me since I wouldn't know any better, to fix something!
Wow. I hope anyone who reads this knows that I am truly not crazy! I just have to vent this stuff somewhere! I feel a bit like Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire when he leaves the office and is like "Don't worry.. I'm not gonna what you all think I'm gonna do and.. (wildly flails arms and legs) just flip out!"
Haha.. that made me laugh anyway! (see this link if you have no idea what I'm talking about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7Iq6lOSoPM )
And I am just going to have faith in my soldier that he will take care of himself, and not try to push it. I know how he is and likes to always be on top of things.. but I did the finger shake thing at him today and told him to take it easy and get better! So he better listen!
It'll all be okay.. I just want it to be perfect. That is the issue I so frequently run into. So, I am now throwing my "Plan of Perfection" out the window. And from here...whatever happens...happens. I cannot control everything, and therefore need to quit trying to. So there... sanity somewhat retrieved!
Now time for a friggin' drink! Cheers!
My windshield wiper "transmission" has to be replaced and that basically means I can't drive anywhere if there is condensation or any sort of precipitation. So in the midst of all the errands and things I need to get done..I'm grounded. Stuck. They of course did not have the part, and to get a new one is around $250. (For ONE freaking wiper not working! The other one is FINE! Motor works. Wiper does not. ARGH.)
They are going to try a salvage yard to see if there are any used ones. But since it's Saturday, I won't know anything until Monday. I have things to do!!!!!! I think I am going to try spraying some rain-x on my windshield and just go for it anyway. If I have to pull over and wipe off my windshield then I guess that's what I'll do. I am stir crazy as it is, and knowing I'll be stuck here for two days with my to-do list sitting stagnant will drive me insane.
On top of that, I missed an event I wanted to go to for my class yesterday. We still have time to attend another event, but the one I really wanted to go to was yesterday, about a half hour after my windshield wiper broke. So that was a very unwelcome detour.
My soldier wasn't feeling well yesterday, and today as soon as he said hello, I knew he was worse. I could just hear the sickly pain in his voice. He went to sick-call today and they said he has pneumonia, and also had 102 fever! I just wanted to cry. First of all, I hate that he is sick. Second, pneumonia scares the crap out of me because I know it can get really bad, really fast. And Third, I wish I could be there to take care of him. All I can do is tell him to feel better and take care of himself. Might as well tape me up, gag me and stick me in a closet! It is so close to his homecoming and this is definitely not in the plans... I just don't want him to get stuck in a hospital over there or something and not get to come home.
So here I am stuck with a banged up car, hemorrhaging money.. a to-do list that won't quit, and me with a thundercloud over my head feeling like I have no control over anything.... and a sick boyfriend thousands of miles away, and no one there to make him soup, put a wet wash-cloth on his forehead, take his temp, keep him hydrated, and make sure he gets better... I hate this.
I'm so tired of having negative things to say is the kicker.. I don't want to talk to anyone because I don't want to be a downer all the time. I don't want to be a negative person.. I really try to stay positive, but today I am just over it. I am angry at hitting road blocks all the time and ready for something to go smoothly. It is really hard to have car issues and be 600 miles from home, and your man is even further away. I usually have my dad, or a friend who knows somebody who can do this or that. Out here I have no one but the stranger at the car shop who plans to rob me since I wouldn't know any better, to fix something!
Wow. I hope anyone who reads this knows that I am truly not crazy! I just have to vent this stuff somewhere! I feel a bit like Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire when he leaves the office and is like "Don't worry.. I'm not gonna what you all think I'm gonna do and.. (wildly flails arms and legs) just flip out!"
Haha.. that made me laugh anyway! (see this link if you have no idea what I'm talking about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7Iq6lOSoPM )
And I am just going to have faith in my soldier that he will take care of himself, and not try to push it. I know how he is and likes to always be on top of things.. but I did the finger shake thing at him today and told him to take it easy and get better! So he better listen!
It'll all be okay.. I just want it to be perfect. That is the issue I so frequently run into. So, I am now throwing my "Plan of Perfection" out the window. And from here...whatever happens...happens. I cannot control everything, and therefore need to quit trying to. So there... sanity somewhat retrieved!
Now time for a friggin' drink! Cheers!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Day Sixty-Eight.
Well today was almost a complete bust! It wasn't too bad I guess. It sleeted all morning, then while I was in class it dumped a couple inches of snow, and continued snowing throughout the evening! So my trip home took about an hour longer than it usually does and the roads were horrible!
My soldier had to pull guard duty tonight after his regular shift (well, his night...my morning!) So we didn't get to talk this morning. I had a short message on facebook from him and that was it. That's okay though, I was glad to at least know why he wasn't on-line and not have to worry.
I found myself thinking this morning.. I have really let my guard down recently as far as thinking he is safe.. I mean, just because he is on the "home-stretch" doesn't mean that he is safe. That probably sounds awful to talk or think about.. but I don't like to let my guard down like that. Maybe I am just having more faith that everything can and will be okay..? Like, we've made it this far..so surely the rest will be smooth sailing. I found myself checking the headlines about Iraq today after he hadn't got on-line at the usual time. I am nervous because tomorrow is some kind of "day of rage" for protesting. Apparently other world protests have inspired the Iraqis. I just wish all of our troops would come home and be safe asap! I can't wait to have him safe and sound back in my arms....
My soldier had to pull guard duty tonight after his regular shift (well, his night...my morning!) So we didn't get to talk this morning. I had a short message on facebook from him and that was it. That's okay though, I was glad to at least know why he wasn't on-line and not have to worry.
I found myself thinking this morning.. I have really let my guard down recently as far as thinking he is safe.. I mean, just because he is on the "home-stretch" doesn't mean that he is safe. That probably sounds awful to talk or think about.. but I don't like to let my guard down like that. Maybe I am just having more faith that everything can and will be okay..? Like, we've made it this far..so surely the rest will be smooth sailing. I found myself checking the headlines about Iraq today after he hadn't got on-line at the usual time. I am nervous because tomorrow is some kind of "day of rage" for protesting. Apparently other world protests have inspired the Iraqis. I just wish all of our troops would come home and be safe asap! I can't wait to have him safe and sound back in my arms....
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Day Sixty-Six & Sixty-Seven.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011 & Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I was really missing my soldier yesterday. I subscribe to Netflix, so I watched a few episodes of Army Wives and let myself cry a bit. It's strange to feel that "connection" with T.V. characters, that you feel like they are going through the same thing, and you know how they "feel." Even though, you know that really they are regular people.. But it does help sometimes, so I'll take it!
There was one episode where they had a going away ceremony and a bunch of the guys deployed. Although it was bringing back all those feelings from the first day, it was still somewhat therapeutic.
I know I shouldn't be, but I have been thinking about the next deployment. We lucked out this time around and he had a short deployment. After his 18 month home stay, he will most likely be deployed to Afghanistan for a year. This of course depends on the world events between now and then. Maybe some miracle will occur and things will be at peace for a while.....
I swear I will want to pack up my stuff and go with him. I just don't know why they send them for SO long. I'm sure for efficiency sake, but geez. Anyway, I need not think about that right now. He hasn't even gotten home from this deployment yet and I'm already thinking of the next one! I'm not the only one though. I know it is on the minds of the other ladies, especially the ones with children.
It sounds like my soldier will only have a couple more days of scheduled duties, then it will be waiting for a couple weeks to come home. They will only be reporting for formation in the morning and then pretty much released for the day. This is kind of a catch-22. It's nice to have "time-off" but when it's this close to coming home, having long days of nothing to do makes the time go extremely slow!
It is going to fly by for me. I have a lot to do in the next couple weeks. A lot going on with school, and trying to find a dress, cleaning and organizing the house as best as possible, getting all the groceries that my soldier will be looking forward to, and of course finding the perfect outfit to be wearing the day he comes home!!! I welcome the busyness though.. I get butterflies a little thinking about what all my "to-do's" are leading up to!
It is a beautiful day here today and the sun is shining. I hope to be productive and get a lot of my to-do list checked off, and hopefully I am exhausted at the end of the day and can sleep. That is still something I struggle with. I'm sure there are a lot of contributing factors to it, but having my soldier home will surely help!
I was really missing my soldier yesterday. I subscribe to Netflix, so I watched a few episodes of Army Wives and let myself cry a bit. It's strange to feel that "connection" with T.V. characters, that you feel like they are going through the same thing, and you know how they "feel." Even though, you know that really they are regular people.. But it does help sometimes, so I'll take it!
There was one episode where they had a going away ceremony and a bunch of the guys deployed. Although it was bringing back all those feelings from the first day, it was still somewhat therapeutic.
I know I shouldn't be, but I have been thinking about the next deployment. We lucked out this time around and he had a short deployment. After his 18 month home stay, he will most likely be deployed to Afghanistan for a year. This of course depends on the world events between now and then. Maybe some miracle will occur and things will be at peace for a while.....
I swear I will want to pack up my stuff and go with him. I just don't know why they send them for SO long. I'm sure for efficiency sake, but geez. Anyway, I need not think about that right now. He hasn't even gotten home from this deployment yet and I'm already thinking of the next one! I'm not the only one though. I know it is on the minds of the other ladies, especially the ones with children.
It sounds like my soldier will only have a couple more days of scheduled duties, then it will be waiting for a couple weeks to come home. They will only be reporting for formation in the morning and then pretty much released for the day. This is kind of a catch-22. It's nice to have "time-off" but when it's this close to coming home, having long days of nothing to do makes the time go extremely slow!
It is going to fly by for me. I have a lot to do in the next couple weeks. A lot going on with school, and trying to find a dress, cleaning and organizing the house as best as possible, getting all the groceries that my soldier will be looking forward to, and of course finding the perfect outfit to be wearing the day he comes home!!! I welcome the busyness though.. I get butterflies a little thinking about what all my "to-do's" are leading up to!
It is a beautiful day here today and the sun is shining. I hope to be productive and get a lot of my to-do list checked off, and hopefully I am exhausted at the end of the day and can sleep. That is still something I struggle with. I'm sure there are a lot of contributing factors to it, but having my soldier home will surely help!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Day Sixty-Three, Sixty-Four, and Sixty-Five.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Wow, I didn't realize it had been three days! I thought I had only skipped one day.
So the last few days haven't been very exciting. I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Today I went with one of the army wives to get lab-work done, and then to breakfast. It was nice to get out and do something different.
I have been going from excited and planning for my soldier's homecoming which is less than a month away now, to feelings of severe loneliness and boredom, and everything in between!
This evening I read some of one of the books I ordered. It's called "Separated by duty, united in love." Something I took from it is to keep in mind all the reasons you miss your loved one, and remind them of how you appreciate them. For instance, all the little things that they did when they were home, or things they have done for you while deployed. (like changing the windshield wipers on the car, or picking up ginger ale when I was sick, or sending flowers for no reason but to say 'I love you') I think this sometimes gets overshadowed by the actual deployment. In my mind I often dwell on the fact that he's not here...and I am alone. But that is just a piece of it. There are so many reasons why I miss him, and there are so many things that I need to be doing to support him, if it is only to take care of myself and stay busy. I quickly lose sight of my goals when I get distracted by my feelings. I know that his biggest worry most of the time is if I'm doing okay.
So reading this book has helped me refocus on being the best I can be, on the home front. The last couple days I have really had a hard time keeping my emotions in check. But I feel some peace this evening and have regained focus!
As far as how his last few days have been.. It was really dusty there the last couple days. He took a picture of the dust in the air, and it was like clouds in the sky and the sun was barely peaking through. Between the dust and the smoke from other things burning it sounds like the air quality is pretty poor. I can't wait for him to get out of that environment.
We talked about what kind of foods he wants when he gets back home. I know my soldier loves some good food!!! So I am going to try and find some Midwest Skyline chili mix to make for him, or may have to order it on-line! It will be interesting to see how the homecoming unfolds. We have no idea what day they will be home and won't know until a couple days before, so once again, it's a bad situation for a planner type person like myself! If I don't take anything else away from being an army girlfriend/wife, it'll be flexibility and going with the flow!
Other than the weather and food, our conversations have been mostly random chit-chat. I love our conversations whether they are deep, silly, or anything in between! I just love seeing my soldier's handsome face and hearing his voice. I miss being with him in person! Some days it's hard to even imagine it.. to picture what it will actually feel like again to be in his embrace. I look at pictures sometimes and am jealous of myself in the picture, like hey, I want to be there again!!
Soon enough. In the meantime, I have to keep my head straight, stay focused and stay positive! I can do this! :)
Wow, I didn't realize it had been three days! I thought I had only skipped one day.
So the last few days haven't been very exciting. I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Today I went with one of the army wives to get lab-work done, and then to breakfast. It was nice to get out and do something different.
I have been going from excited and planning for my soldier's homecoming which is less than a month away now, to feelings of severe loneliness and boredom, and everything in between!
This evening I read some of one of the books I ordered. It's called "Separated by duty, united in love." Something I took from it is to keep in mind all the reasons you miss your loved one, and remind them of how you appreciate them. For instance, all the little things that they did when they were home, or things they have done for you while deployed. (like changing the windshield wipers on the car, or picking up ginger ale when I was sick, or sending flowers for no reason but to say 'I love you') I think this sometimes gets overshadowed by the actual deployment. In my mind I often dwell on the fact that he's not here...and I am alone. But that is just a piece of it. There are so many reasons why I miss him, and there are so many things that I need to be doing to support him, if it is only to take care of myself and stay busy. I quickly lose sight of my goals when I get distracted by my feelings. I know that his biggest worry most of the time is if I'm doing okay.
So reading this book has helped me refocus on being the best I can be, on the home front. The last couple days I have really had a hard time keeping my emotions in check. But I feel some peace this evening and have regained focus!
As far as how his last few days have been.. It was really dusty there the last couple days. He took a picture of the dust in the air, and it was like clouds in the sky and the sun was barely peaking through. Between the dust and the smoke from other things burning it sounds like the air quality is pretty poor. I can't wait for him to get out of that environment.
We talked about what kind of foods he wants when he gets back home. I know my soldier loves some good food!!! So I am going to try and find some Midwest Skyline chili mix to make for him, or may have to order it on-line! It will be interesting to see how the homecoming unfolds. We have no idea what day they will be home and won't know until a couple days before, so once again, it's a bad situation for a planner type person like myself! If I don't take anything else away from being an army girlfriend/wife, it'll be flexibility and going with the flow!
Other than the weather and food, our conversations have been mostly random chit-chat. I love our conversations whether they are deep, silly, or anything in between! I just love seeing my soldier's handsome face and hearing his voice. I miss being with him in person! Some days it's hard to even imagine it.. to picture what it will actually feel like again to be in his embrace. I look at pictures sometimes and am jealous of myself in the picture, like hey, I want to be there again!!
Soon enough. In the meantime, I have to keep my head straight, stay focused and stay positive! I can do this! :)
Friday, February 18, 2011
Day Sixty One & Sixty Two.
I had a fun day today shopping for dresses with one of the Army spouses. I am beat! It's been a long time since I've spent six hours shopping!!! We had a lot of laughs, it was a good time!
Yesterday was pretty good during the day. I had class, which went well, but I needed to zone out in the evening and get my mind to settle down. I was really anxious again before bedtime, and noises kept waking me up all night so I didn't sleep well. I really hope I can sleep better tonight. I could us a good nights sleep!
I talked to my honey yesterday and today. We got to chat a long time today, it was really nice!
He said they had to give tours to the new people arriving. They showed them around the base and what to expect and such. It sounds like his unit will stepping aside to let the new people take over and they will be more or less supervising for a while. So it may be a little boring I'm sure. He said he may run out of movies to watch by the time he gets to come home! Poor guy! I wish there was more to keep them entertained. It seems like it would be a continuous episode of "Groundhogs Day" doing the some things all the time. At least they get rotated to different "stations" while they are there.
I was so excited to get him a little present while I was shopping today! I know he is probably tired or wearing ACU's and PT's all the time, so I got him an outfit so he'll have something different and new to wear when he gets home. I'd like to have a little gift bag for him when he gets home... a little something special.
It was so nice to get out and about today. It's great come home and really be tired and physically exhausted, as odd as that may sound. It's been a while since I have had that feeling. I am ready to get comfy and head to bed, and have sweet dreams about my soldier!
Yesterday was pretty good during the day. I had class, which went well, but I needed to zone out in the evening and get my mind to settle down. I was really anxious again before bedtime, and noises kept waking me up all night so I didn't sleep well. I really hope I can sleep better tonight. I could us a good nights sleep!
I talked to my honey yesterday and today. We got to chat a long time today, it was really nice!
He said they had to give tours to the new people arriving. They showed them around the base and what to expect and such. It sounds like his unit will stepping aside to let the new people take over and they will be more or less supervising for a while. So it may be a little boring I'm sure. He said he may run out of movies to watch by the time he gets to come home! Poor guy! I wish there was more to keep them entertained. It seems like it would be a continuous episode of "Groundhogs Day" doing the some things all the time. At least they get rotated to different "stations" while they are there.
I was so excited to get him a little present while I was shopping today! I know he is probably tired or wearing ACU's and PT's all the time, so I got him an outfit so he'll have something different and new to wear when he gets home. I'd like to have a little gift bag for him when he gets home... a little something special.
It was so nice to get out and about today. It's great come home and really be tired and physically exhausted, as odd as that may sound. It's been a while since I have had that feeling. I am ready to get comfy and head to bed, and have sweet dreams about my soldier!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Day Fifty-Nine & Sixty.
I wasn't up to blogging yesterday, so I didn't. No particular reason really. It just felt like a chore, and I don't want this to be a chore. So when something I typically enjoy becomes a chore, it's time to take a break.
I chatted with my soldier yesterday. He had quite an eventful day yesterday, so he did most of the talking. He worked at the FARP and it was really super busy. In the midst of all the busyness, something very valuable was dropped, and so this created more events to complicate the day. I don't want to share too many details, but it was due to someone's mistake basically and therefore some heads were rolling!
He was glad to be done with the day for sure, and somewhat glad he doesn't have to report back to the FARP for another couple weeks.
I haven't slept well for the past couple nights. It's been a mix of anxiousness from things going on "back home" and restlessness being alone at night. It's strange how I can be just fine for days or weeks, and then bam, I'm back to square one again! I've been trying to remedy my anxiety and force myself to sleep in bed, because more than likely, I won't sleep any better out on the couch.
I was pretty productive today. I woke up early, first due to the massive headache I had, and second because my mind was already mulling over what I could do, or what could be done to help with the home situation. It is tough being this far away from home and not being able to help. It is a first for me and leaves me with a nagging feeling of helplessness. But I can only do what I can do, and have to release myself from the weight of things I can do nothing about. This is still a work in progress.
Since I woke up so early, I was able to workout and shower and fix my hair pretty for my chat with my boyfriend! I'm sure he appreciates that, since half the time I've barely gotten out of bed.
It was a much more relaxing day for him today, so I was happy to hear that. He was back at one of the "shops" which is much less intense than the FARP. Tomorrow he is at the Walker Center for his 12 hour shift. I keep forgetting that he is on 12 hour shifts now.
I was just imagining what our drive home from the company will be like after I pick him up! Having him in the same car, the same state, even the same country will be SO great I can't even put into words!!!!
Hoping to sleep well tonight.. and wishing my soldier sweet dreams as well...
I chatted with my soldier yesterday. He had quite an eventful day yesterday, so he did most of the talking. He worked at the FARP and it was really super busy. In the midst of all the busyness, something very valuable was dropped, and so this created more events to complicate the day. I don't want to share too many details, but it was due to someone's mistake basically and therefore some heads were rolling!
He was glad to be done with the day for sure, and somewhat glad he doesn't have to report back to the FARP for another couple weeks.
I haven't slept well for the past couple nights. It's been a mix of anxiousness from things going on "back home" and restlessness being alone at night. It's strange how I can be just fine for days or weeks, and then bam, I'm back to square one again! I've been trying to remedy my anxiety and force myself to sleep in bed, because more than likely, I won't sleep any better out on the couch.
I was pretty productive today. I woke up early, first due to the massive headache I had, and second because my mind was already mulling over what I could do, or what could be done to help with the home situation. It is tough being this far away from home and not being able to help. It is a first for me and leaves me with a nagging feeling of helplessness. But I can only do what I can do, and have to release myself from the weight of things I can do nothing about. This is still a work in progress.
Since I woke up so early, I was able to workout and shower and fix my hair pretty for my chat with my boyfriend! I'm sure he appreciates that, since half the time I've barely gotten out of bed.
It was a much more relaxing day for him today, so I was happy to hear that. He was back at one of the "shops" which is much less intense than the FARP. Tomorrow he is at the Walker Center for his 12 hour shift. I keep forgetting that he is on 12 hour shifts now.
I was just imagining what our drive home from the company will be like after I pick him up! Having him in the same car, the same state, even the same country will be SO great I can't even put into words!!!!
Hoping to sleep well tonight.. and wishing my soldier sweet dreams as well...
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Day Fifty-Eight.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Only four minutes left of Valentine's Day.
I really wasn't concerned with the Valentine's Day "hoop-lah" this year. I knew that I wouldn't get to be with my boyfriend, but I wasn't that disappointed really. I just don't put Valentine's Day up on the pedestal of significant holidays. It's fun and can be romantic, but it doesn't have to be extravagant for it to be special, for me anyway. I know there are plenty of people that expect jewelry and pricey dinners and such.
That being said, I DID get a dozen roses, and some Godiva chocolates delivered to me today!! I was really surprised to get such a nice treat and thought it was really sweet and special that he did that. I really didn't expect him to go to that trouble, but it sure does make a girl feel special.
Last year he got to come home from AIT on leave for a four-day weekend, due to President's Day. So we got to spend Valentine's Day together. It was fun and romantic. I made dinner and had bought a heart-shaped ice cream cake, and also make dark chocolate fondue with bananas and strawberries!! I just keep thinking about how much fun that weekend was and can't wait until he comes home so we can keep making those fun and special memories.
I did get to chat with my soldier-valentine today. He had kind of a crazy day yesterday. He had to help another unit again, and then was released so he went back to his Chu only to be called back in an hour later. Tomorrow, well actually in Iraq time, he is probably there now... but anyway, he is at the FARP and has to work a 12 hour shift. I guess they can't get released early from the FARP because there are buses that pick them up and drop them off. So it'll be a long day for him. I hope I get a chance to talk to him tomorrow. He will be calling later, and I have class, so we'll see. Today he said that he boxed up his love and sent it to me, so to check the mailbox. I thought he was just being cute and silly, or that maybe he sent me a card or something, but apparently he was hinting at the flowers! Such a sweetie!
Tonight I had dinner with two of the Army spouses, and one that's a girl-friend like me. We all got flowers from our guys today. They must have had a pow-wow to make sure everyone sent flowers!
One thing is for sure, this is a really great group of guys and ladies that I've met here. I am anxious for the guys to get home and we can do group things and really feel complete. Right now we all have a piece of us missing.
Only four minutes left of Valentine's Day.
I really wasn't concerned with the Valentine's Day "hoop-lah" this year. I knew that I wouldn't get to be with my boyfriend, but I wasn't that disappointed really. I just don't put Valentine's Day up on the pedestal of significant holidays. It's fun and can be romantic, but it doesn't have to be extravagant for it to be special, for me anyway. I know there are plenty of people that expect jewelry and pricey dinners and such.
That being said, I DID get a dozen roses, and some Godiva chocolates delivered to me today!! I was really surprised to get such a nice treat and thought it was really sweet and special that he did that. I really didn't expect him to go to that trouble, but it sure does make a girl feel special.
Last year he got to come home from AIT on leave for a four-day weekend, due to President's Day. So we got to spend Valentine's Day together. It was fun and romantic. I made dinner and had bought a heart-shaped ice cream cake, and also make dark chocolate fondue with bananas and strawberries!! I just keep thinking about how much fun that weekend was and can't wait until he comes home so we can keep making those fun and special memories.
I did get to chat with my soldier-valentine today. He had kind of a crazy day yesterday. He had to help another unit again, and then was released so he went back to his Chu only to be called back in an hour later. Tomorrow, well actually in Iraq time, he is probably there now... but anyway, he is at the FARP and has to work a 12 hour shift. I guess they can't get released early from the FARP because there are buses that pick them up and drop them off. So it'll be a long day for him. I hope I get a chance to talk to him tomorrow. He will be calling later, and I have class, so we'll see. Today he said that he boxed up his love and sent it to me, so to check the mailbox. I thought he was just being cute and silly, or that maybe he sent me a card or something, but apparently he was hinting at the flowers! Such a sweetie!
Tonight I had dinner with two of the Army spouses, and one that's a girl-friend like me. We all got flowers from our guys today. They must have had a pow-wow to make sure everyone sent flowers!
One thing is for sure, this is a really great group of guys and ladies that I've met here. I am anxious for the guys to get home and we can do group things and really feel complete. Right now we all have a piece of us missing.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Day Fifty-Six and Fifty-Seven
The last few days have been somewhat uneventful, in the day to day at least. I've done the usual cleaning and working out, and reading for class. The weather has warmed up and the sun has been shining. I wish there were some fun out-doorsy things to do around here.
I had barely gotten out of bed yesterday when I got my Skype call. He was still happy to see me, with my bed head and all! There wasn't much exciting going on overseas either. My soldier was "borrowed" to help out another unit yesterday and pretty much swept all day. Today he showed me some neat rocks he found. (not a lot else there that is too impressive!)
We didn't get to talk very long this morning before our internet connection fizzled out. It slowed way down, and the audio and video were really choppy then the next thing I know, he's gone. So that was a bummer. I waited a little while to see if he got back on-line, but didn't get any email or facebook messages. I'm assuming the connection in the Chu went sour. Hopefully it will be back up and running tomorrow. I would at least like to wish my honey a Happy Valentine's Day!
It's been a rough day couple days for me. There are just some things going on back home and I can't do anything to help but listen over the phone. I did talk to one of my best friends tonight so that was a big help. I really miss being around the people who know me so well, and who I know and trust. I think it is harder to make friends as you get older. Having all this life experience under one's belt, makes a person more skeptical of who is a genuine person and who isn't...who can you trust with your inner most thoughts and insecurities, who will really be there when things hit the fan? I do feel blessed that there are at least people in my life, albeit miles and miles away, that I can pour my soul out to, and that I would trust with my life. Without people like that, I don't know what I would do.
It will sure be nice when I have my "someone" back in my arms. I am missing those hugs!
I had barely gotten out of bed yesterday when I got my Skype call. He was still happy to see me, with my bed head and all! There wasn't much exciting going on overseas either. My soldier was "borrowed" to help out another unit yesterday and pretty much swept all day. Today he showed me some neat rocks he found. (not a lot else there that is too impressive!)
We didn't get to talk very long this morning before our internet connection fizzled out. It slowed way down, and the audio and video were really choppy then the next thing I know, he's gone. So that was a bummer. I waited a little while to see if he got back on-line, but didn't get any email or facebook messages. I'm assuming the connection in the Chu went sour. Hopefully it will be back up and running tomorrow. I would at least like to wish my honey a Happy Valentine's Day!
It's been a rough day couple days for me. There are just some things going on back home and I can't do anything to help but listen over the phone. I did talk to one of my best friends tonight so that was a big help. I really miss being around the people who know me so well, and who I know and trust. I think it is harder to make friends as you get older. Having all this life experience under one's belt, makes a person more skeptical of who is a genuine person and who isn't...who can you trust with your inner most thoughts and insecurities, who will really be there when things hit the fan? I do feel blessed that there are at least people in my life, albeit miles and miles away, that I can pour my soul out to, and that I would trust with my life. Without people like that, I don't know what I would do.
It will sure be nice when I have my "someone" back in my arms. I am missing those hugs!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Day Fifty-Five.
Friday February 11, 2011
It's been a pretty uneventful day today. I've done some portfolio work for school, got my tax information together, and did some cleaning around the house. But otherwise it's been a restful day, which I felt like I needed after spinning my wheels all week.
I talked to my soldier this morning, earlier than usual. I almost missed him. I was just checking my email real quick before taking a shower and his call came through! He didn't sleep yesterday after we got off the phone, he stayed up all night and all day, so he was exhausted. He had to switch over to day shift and had to be up in the morning so he didn't want to chance over sleeping. We only chatted for a few minutes. He was pretty much talking with his eyes closed, poor thing!
His arm was still hurting from the anthrax shot. I'm sure he will sleep like a rock when he gets off work today! They are supposedly going to be working 12 hour shifts now, but he says they should be getting off early. I hope so. Between switching shifts, and working 12 hours shifts, he is going to be so exhausted. I wish there was something I could do to help him. I just can't wait for him to be home so I can baby him and make him feel better when he doesn't feel up to par like this.
He is just so sweet. I was just rambling on and on about the play I saw last night, and what I did and he was still listening intently and asking questions and chatting with me, even though he was exhausted!
Speaking of being tired, I need to go to bed soon. Another day down!
It's been a pretty uneventful day today. I've done some portfolio work for school, got my tax information together, and did some cleaning around the house. But otherwise it's been a restful day, which I felt like I needed after spinning my wheels all week.
I talked to my soldier this morning, earlier than usual. I almost missed him. I was just checking my email real quick before taking a shower and his call came through! He didn't sleep yesterday after we got off the phone, he stayed up all night and all day, so he was exhausted. He had to switch over to day shift and had to be up in the morning so he didn't want to chance over sleeping. We only chatted for a few minutes. He was pretty much talking with his eyes closed, poor thing!
His arm was still hurting from the anthrax shot. I'm sure he will sleep like a rock when he gets off work today! They are supposedly going to be working 12 hour shifts now, but he says they should be getting off early. I hope so. Between switching shifts, and working 12 hours shifts, he is going to be so exhausted. I wish there was something I could do to help him. I just can't wait for him to be home so I can baby him and make him feel better when he doesn't feel up to par like this.
He is just so sweet. I was just rambling on and on about the play I saw last night, and what I did and he was still listening intently and asking questions and chatting with me, even though he was exhausted!
Speaking of being tired, I need to go to bed soon. Another day down!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Day Fifty-Four.
Thursday February 10, 2011
It's been a long day, but good. I started out with a major headache, borderline migraine, but with massive amounts of caffeine and excedrine, it was nearly gone by class time. I think as a result of all that caffeine, I am now wide awake at nearly one in the morning!
I was a little grumpy today during my chat with my soldier. I tried not to be, but my head just hurt so bad. I was actually wearing my sunglasses around the house this morning. He was really sweet though and tried to make me feel better. He had to get a booster Anthrax shot today, so his arm was hurting. So we both had 'ouchies' today. I felt bad for him because I know how much it was hurting when he had to get the shot before he left and he had trouble sleeping because of it.
He is off work tonight and was planning to just chill out at the Walker Center for computer and t.v. time. Apparently they are going to be switching all of his unit to the day shift in the next day or so. So he will have to readjust yet again. Then, once he gets home he will have to readjust once again! I wish he was staying on night shift, because as it is now, he and I sleep during the same time. Due to the time difference, we are both sleeping at night "U.S." time. Oh well, not much he can do about it.
After class today I met one of the Army spouses at Hobby Lobby and looked around a bit, then we had dinner and went to a play on campus. (one that I'm required to attend for my class) It was a nice time. Not sure if I was really too impressed with the play, but it was entertaining at least.
As I was driving home and passed the army base I got excited about the homecoming. Realizing that it really isn't that far off now, and that soon I'll really have my soldier home in my arms! I felt like I was "home" again in that moment. That things are coming together and the pieces are starting to fall back into place. I wish I could bottle that feeling up and open it on days I'm feeling down. But for now, I'll just try to relish in the comfort of that moment and enjoy!!
It's been a long day, but good. I started out with a major headache, borderline migraine, but with massive amounts of caffeine and excedrine, it was nearly gone by class time. I think as a result of all that caffeine, I am now wide awake at nearly one in the morning!
I was a little grumpy today during my chat with my soldier. I tried not to be, but my head just hurt so bad. I was actually wearing my sunglasses around the house this morning. He was really sweet though and tried to make me feel better. He had to get a booster Anthrax shot today, so his arm was hurting. So we both had 'ouchies' today. I felt bad for him because I know how much it was hurting when he had to get the shot before he left and he had trouble sleeping because of it.
He is off work tonight and was planning to just chill out at the Walker Center for computer and t.v. time. Apparently they are going to be switching all of his unit to the day shift in the next day or so. So he will have to readjust yet again. Then, once he gets home he will have to readjust once again! I wish he was staying on night shift, because as it is now, he and I sleep during the same time. Due to the time difference, we are both sleeping at night "U.S." time. Oh well, not much he can do about it.
After class today I met one of the Army spouses at Hobby Lobby and looked around a bit, then we had dinner and went to a play on campus. (one that I'm required to attend for my class) It was a nice time. Not sure if I was really too impressed with the play, but it was entertaining at least.
As I was driving home and passed the army base I got excited about the homecoming. Realizing that it really isn't that far off now, and that soon I'll really have my soldier home in my arms! I felt like I was "home" again in that moment. That things are coming together and the pieces are starting to fall back into place. I wish I could bottle that feeling up and open it on days I'm feeling down. But for now, I'll just try to relish in the comfort of that moment and enjoy!!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Day Fifty-Three.
I am stirring in my own skin tonight. I am just ready for life to feel complete again. I'm tired of the 'half-empty' feeling I get, usually in the evenings when I'm winding down and thinking about the next day to come.
My honey and I had a really nice chat today. We laughed and talked about light-hearted topics. We actually did get to chat last night before I went to bed. That was nice too, getting to talk before going to sleep. We were both laying in bed "next to" each other, just like at home. I panned the camera around the bedroom so he could see that it was pretty much the same. He showed me how bright it was in his Chu (since it was daytime there) and why he has a hard time sleeping.
He took his camera to work yesterday and took some pictures of the landscape and also got a video of one of the helicopters flying in. I'll be anxious to see all his pictures and videos! He has a day off I think tomorrow night. He sounds about like me when it comes to "free time" right now. It's a little boring and less than fulfilling.
I wish I had more to write. Sometimes it's hard to express some days in words. It just feels like I have the same set of emotions that are always on repeat. Happy and hopeful, sad and lonely, wistful and starry-eyed, ambitious and driven, longing and love sick...Most of which I experience within a days time!! Not that I don't usually have a wide variety of emotions in normal situations, but I can at least do more about them at the time. It is a very helpless feeling some days, to know there is nothing I can do but count days. I can make the most of my days, and I do try to do that. But at the end of the day, it doesn't change the fact that the apartment is only occupied by me and the cat.
It is amazing how much one person can make such a huge difference in one's life, even in the smallest ways.
My honey and I had a really nice chat today. We laughed and talked about light-hearted topics. We actually did get to chat last night before I went to bed. That was nice too, getting to talk before going to sleep. We were both laying in bed "next to" each other, just like at home. I panned the camera around the bedroom so he could see that it was pretty much the same. He showed me how bright it was in his Chu (since it was daytime there) and why he has a hard time sleeping.
He took his camera to work yesterday and took some pictures of the landscape and also got a video of one of the helicopters flying in. I'll be anxious to see all his pictures and videos! He has a day off I think tomorrow night. He sounds about like me when it comes to "free time" right now. It's a little boring and less than fulfilling.
I wish I had more to write. Sometimes it's hard to express some days in words. It just feels like I have the same set of emotions that are always on repeat. Happy and hopeful, sad and lonely, wistful and starry-eyed, ambitious and driven, longing and love sick...Most of which I experience within a days time!! Not that I don't usually have a wide variety of emotions in normal situations, but I can at least do more about them at the time. It is a very helpless feeling some days, to know there is nothing I can do but count days. I can make the most of my days, and I do try to do that. But at the end of the day, it doesn't change the fact that the apartment is only occupied by me and the cat.
It is amazing how much one person can make such a huge difference in one's life, even in the smallest ways.
Day Fifty-Two.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
It was a snowy and blustery day here today. I started the day out with a migraine, and am ending it with a touch of a headache. I had class today and almost skipped it due to the weather and my headache. While I waited for my soldier to call me, I ended up taking about a 40 minute nap and felt at least well enough to get up and get moving, so I bundled up and headed to class.
The roads were slick and snowy, and the places where it wasn't snowy, the wind blew the snow around on the road like white wispy snakes. It was almost hypnotizing on the interstate. The wind whipped the snow in my face as I walked around on campus and chilled me to the bone! I am so ready for winter to be over. We probably have two-foot drifts outside our apartment right now. I'm not sure if it's still snowing or if it's just the wind blowing it around, but it is quite a wintery scene out there!
Well, I got a nap, but I didn't get to talk to my soldier. I got a message later from him that he slept in today. He is going to try and call tonight, probably any time now, if he is able to. So I am trying to stay up for a little while longer. It is hard to always be waiting for a call. I am always glad to talk to my soldier, don't get me wrong, but it is hard to be on-call, just waiting. It is kind of like waiting for a bus at a bus stop, and the bus is supposed to come sometime between 11am and 2pm... and there is a coffee shop there on the corner, and you want coffee but you know as soon as you run in to get a cup, you'll see the bus pulling away and it won't be back until tomorrow... But since that bus takes you to a lovely place and makes you happy.. you don't want to miss it, and you'll never, ever skip out on waiting for it. Sigh.
So hopefully I'll hear something soon. It's always nice to talk to him before bedtime!
It was a snowy and blustery day here today. I started the day out with a migraine, and am ending it with a touch of a headache. I had class today and almost skipped it due to the weather and my headache. While I waited for my soldier to call me, I ended up taking about a 40 minute nap and felt at least well enough to get up and get moving, so I bundled up and headed to class.
The roads were slick and snowy, and the places where it wasn't snowy, the wind blew the snow around on the road like white wispy snakes. It was almost hypnotizing on the interstate. The wind whipped the snow in my face as I walked around on campus and chilled me to the bone! I am so ready for winter to be over. We probably have two-foot drifts outside our apartment right now. I'm not sure if it's still snowing or if it's just the wind blowing it around, but it is quite a wintery scene out there!
Well, I got a nap, but I didn't get to talk to my soldier. I got a message later from him that he slept in today. He is going to try and call tonight, probably any time now, if he is able to. So I am trying to stay up for a little while longer. It is hard to always be waiting for a call. I am always glad to talk to my soldier, don't get me wrong, but it is hard to be on-call, just waiting. It is kind of like waiting for a bus at a bus stop, and the bus is supposed to come sometime between 11am and 2pm... and there is a coffee shop there on the corner, and you want coffee but you know as soon as you run in to get a cup, you'll see the bus pulling away and it won't be back until tomorrow... But since that bus takes you to a lovely place and makes you happy.. you don't want to miss it, and you'll never, ever skip out on waiting for it. Sigh.
So hopefully I'll hear something soon. It's always nice to talk to him before bedtime!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Day Fifty-One.
I'm floating on cloud nine tonight. I've been thinking about the homecoming...which is still over a month away, but still. I am the type of person who likes to have things planned out, so I've been making a list of things to do in the next month, and things I want to have ready, or ideas I have for homecoming surprises, like what meal to have ready in the crock-pot so we can have dinner ready when he comes home!
I got to video chat today with my soldier. He did get to watch the Super Bowl, and he got his two beers today, after he woke up. So he basically had beer with his breakfast, since he's on night shift. He drank them on an empty stomach, and it's been over a month since he's had even a sip of alcohol, so I bet he was feeling pretty good. He did have a big grin on his face today. So cute!
We've been on a kick talking about the "zombie apocalypse," which is a big thing to talk about in the Army apparently. But anyway, we have been talking about various things that we would need, etc, and he had found some interesting info. So that was a big part of our conversation today. We also just chatted about our phone service (which has horrible reception here) and little things like that.
I really need to get my schedule adjusted back to what a normal person's schedule resembles. I know he will be adjusting when he gets back too, but I don't want to be so out of whack that I am tired all the time. (like I am now anyway) If given the opportunity, I turn into a night owl and my sleep cycle gets flipped around. Although I actually enjoy the flipped schedule, it doesn't mesh well with the rest of the world most days.
I have had a few strange moments of realization of being alone recently. I will be carrying out my day as normal, and then I will get an overwhelming feeling of "alone-ness" come over me. It usually only lasts a few minutes, and I am then shaking it off and continuing my day. It's the feeling of being alone I had early on in the deployment, however then it was a constant and the feeling normal moments were more rare. It still takes a conscious effort to stay distracted and not focus on any of the bad or scary feelings, and only on the positive, happy feelings. Some days that takes more effort than others.. thankfully today has been easier than most, I welcome the relief.
I got to video chat today with my soldier. He did get to watch the Super Bowl, and he got his two beers today, after he woke up. So he basically had beer with his breakfast, since he's on night shift. He drank them on an empty stomach, and it's been over a month since he's had even a sip of alcohol, so I bet he was feeling pretty good. He did have a big grin on his face today. So cute!
We've been on a kick talking about the "zombie apocalypse," which is a big thing to talk about in the Army apparently. But anyway, we have been talking about various things that we would need, etc, and he had found some interesting info. So that was a big part of our conversation today. We also just chatted about our phone service (which has horrible reception here) and little things like that.
I really need to get my schedule adjusted back to what a normal person's schedule resembles. I know he will be adjusting when he gets back too, but I don't want to be so out of whack that I am tired all the time. (like I am now anyway) If given the opportunity, I turn into a night owl and my sleep cycle gets flipped around. Although I actually enjoy the flipped schedule, it doesn't mesh well with the rest of the world most days.
I have had a few strange moments of realization of being alone recently. I will be carrying out my day as normal, and then I will get an overwhelming feeling of "alone-ness" come over me. It usually only lasts a few minutes, and I am then shaking it off and continuing my day. It's the feeling of being alone I had early on in the deployment, however then it was a constant and the feeling normal moments were more rare. It still takes a conscious effort to stay distracted and not focus on any of the bad or scary feelings, and only on the positive, happy feelings. Some days that takes more effort than others.. thankfully today has been easier than most, I welcome the relief.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Day Fifty.
Wow, Fifty Days! Just seems like a big number!
Well I didn't get to talk to my soldier but for a minute today. He called my cell as I was getting ready so I couldn't really talk. He tried calling back, but for some reason it wouldn't let him through. He may try and Skype when he gets off work tonight, but I'm not sure if he'll be able to, or when that will be. If not, we'll just chat tomorrow.
I'm excited to hear if he got to watch any of the Super Bowl or not. They are usually allotted two beers on super bowl day, so I bet that is a nice treat!!!
Today I went to the birthday party at Chuck-e-Cheese. It was fun to play a couple games, and see the kids having so much fun! We did a little shopping after but I didn't shop long. I wasn't feeling the best and knew I had an hour drive back home. I ended up laying down and taking a nap during the first half of the game. I feel a little better now.
It is always nice spending time with the other ladies, and talking about our guys and how excited we all are for them to be home!
Well I didn't get to talk to my soldier but for a minute today. He called my cell as I was getting ready so I couldn't really talk. He tried calling back, but for some reason it wouldn't let him through. He may try and Skype when he gets off work tonight, but I'm not sure if he'll be able to, or when that will be. If not, we'll just chat tomorrow.
I'm excited to hear if he got to watch any of the Super Bowl or not. They are usually allotted two beers on super bowl day, so I bet that is a nice treat!!!
Today I went to the birthday party at Chuck-e-Cheese. It was fun to play a couple games, and see the kids having so much fun! We did a little shopping after but I didn't shop long. I wasn't feeling the best and knew I had an hour drive back home. I ended up laying down and taking a nap during the first half of the game. I feel a little better now.
It is always nice spending time with the other ladies, and talking about our guys and how excited we all are for them to be home!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Day Forty-Nine.
Starting to feel like we are on the "home stretch" now!!
I have a countdown going on my fridge for when my soldier is scheduled to leave Iraq!! I am so glad to know that he'll be on his way home soon!
There are so many things to look forward to when he gets back! We are planning to make it "official" by going to the courthouse about a week after he gets back, so I am starting to think of the little things I need to do (like dress shop!) for that. Also the Ball for the company is in April, so I need to find a dress for that as well!! This is exciting, but also a somewhat daunting task for me! I am not the best shopper, but it will be fun for these kinds of events!
My boyfriend and I missed each other on Skype today. He was on early, and I got on later. Our calls have been progressively later and later, so I decided not to sit and wait for an hour before he got on today. Of course this is the one day he gets on early! Oh well, what can you do? I actually thought he was oversleeping again or something. It drives me crazy that I can't call or text to wake him up!
I decided to start my reading for school once I figured we weren't going to get to talk. I usually shut down Skype and E-mail, but for some reason I didn't today. A couple hours later, I see my honey log-in to Skype! He was working at the Walker Center (computer/media center) today and was able to get a web-cam so we could chat. That was such a nice surprise. We didn't get to chat long, but it was still good to chat regardless.
He was telling me about a practical joke he played on one of the other guys there. I guess they have to do something to keep it light and break up the monotony of it all! Nothing wrong with a little good clean fun.
I had a much better day today than I did yesterday, even though once again I slept horribly. I am going to bed here soon. I didn't take a nap today, although my reading nearly put me to sleep and I wanted nothing more than to close the book, and my eyes.
Tomorrow I am attending a birthday party for one of the spouse's sons. It should be a fun time, and will also give me a break from my own monotony. I may not get to talk to my soldier though because of having to leave so early, and I believe he has a meeting, so our schedules don't match up very well. I will miss chatting, but it's good to know ahead of time so I can prepare myself a bit.
I feel a renewed sense of strength today. I don't know how or why this happens. I seem to just have many hills and valleys with my emotions. I suppose after feeling so low the last few days, that a hill was bound to be on the horizon. It feels good. I like to be strong and confident, not only for myself, but for my soldier. I know it is hard for him to see me at my lows when he is so far away and cannot do anything about it.. I try not to let it show too much. I don't want to worry him or make him feel bad. All he needs to be worried about is staying safe and coming home!
I have a countdown going on my fridge for when my soldier is scheduled to leave Iraq!! I am so glad to know that he'll be on his way home soon!
There are so many things to look forward to when he gets back! We are planning to make it "official" by going to the courthouse about a week after he gets back, so I am starting to think of the little things I need to do (like dress shop!) for that. Also the Ball for the company is in April, so I need to find a dress for that as well!! This is exciting, but also a somewhat daunting task for me! I am not the best shopper, but it will be fun for these kinds of events!
My boyfriend and I missed each other on Skype today. He was on early, and I got on later. Our calls have been progressively later and later, so I decided not to sit and wait for an hour before he got on today. Of course this is the one day he gets on early! Oh well, what can you do? I actually thought he was oversleeping again or something. It drives me crazy that I can't call or text to wake him up!
I decided to start my reading for school once I figured we weren't going to get to talk. I usually shut down Skype and E-mail, but for some reason I didn't today. A couple hours later, I see my honey log-in to Skype! He was working at the Walker Center (computer/media center) today and was able to get a web-cam so we could chat. That was such a nice surprise. We didn't get to chat long, but it was still good to chat regardless.
He was telling me about a practical joke he played on one of the other guys there. I guess they have to do something to keep it light and break up the monotony of it all! Nothing wrong with a little good clean fun.
I had a much better day today than I did yesterday, even though once again I slept horribly. I am going to bed here soon. I didn't take a nap today, although my reading nearly put me to sleep and I wanted nothing more than to close the book, and my eyes.
Tomorrow I am attending a birthday party for one of the spouse's sons. It should be a fun time, and will also give me a break from my own monotony. I may not get to talk to my soldier though because of having to leave so early, and I believe he has a meeting, so our schedules don't match up very well. I will miss chatting, but it's good to know ahead of time so I can prepare myself a bit.
I feel a renewed sense of strength today. I don't know how or why this happens. I seem to just have many hills and valleys with my emotions. I suppose after feeling so low the last few days, that a hill was bound to be on the horizon. It feels good. I like to be strong and confident, not only for myself, but for my soldier. I know it is hard for him to see me at my lows when he is so far away and cannot do anything about it.. I try not to let it show too much. I don't want to worry him or make him feel bad. All he needs to be worried about is staying safe and coming home!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Day Forty-Eight.
I just realized I've been spelling "Forty" wrong! Oops. Going to have to fix that here in a minute!!
Well, what to say about this day? I have had another 'one of those' days. I just need to get out of this slump. I wish a rainbow would just break through my window in the morning and tell me to brighten the hell up... or something. That might be just a little dramatic!
I did however get to talk to my soldier this morning. Not nearly as long as I wanted to, but it was still nice to hear his voice and see his face on the computer.
He works at the FARP tonight. It's a little strange to me that they rotate them so much and so randomly. Actually, they may have a rhyme or reason to it, and I am just not paying attention.
It always seems that he is in a better mood the day after he works at the FARP. I hope that he gets some good rest in and good food in his belly after work today. He really needs it.
The apartment has seemed so gloomy and lonely these last few days. I've had a difficult time finding things to hold my attention for very long, and thus being gloomy and lonely myself.
It will be interesting when my soldier gets back home, so see how I've changed my routines and habits since he's been gone and don't realize it. I really feel for those who have to endure the full year deployments. I know we will potentially have to as well. But, even in the last 7 weeks I feel like we have a slight disconnect. Our worlds are becoming more separate. I imagine that is normal, as they are two very different worlds, and even having a phone call every day isn't going to make those worlds feel much closer. It just keeps them from falling apart. It keeps us connected. I think it really takes more of a conscious effort to stay connected when you are literally half the world away from the one you love. There is no part of this that is easy, for either side of the world!
Well, what to say about this day? I have had another 'one of those' days. I just need to get out of this slump. I wish a rainbow would just break through my window in the morning and tell me to brighten the hell up... or something. That might be just a little dramatic!
I did however get to talk to my soldier this morning. Not nearly as long as I wanted to, but it was still nice to hear his voice and see his face on the computer.
He works at the FARP tonight. It's a little strange to me that they rotate them so much and so randomly. Actually, they may have a rhyme or reason to it, and I am just not paying attention.
It always seems that he is in a better mood the day after he works at the FARP. I hope that he gets some good rest in and good food in his belly after work today. He really needs it.
The apartment has seemed so gloomy and lonely these last few days. I've had a difficult time finding things to hold my attention for very long, and thus being gloomy and lonely myself.
It will be interesting when my soldier gets back home, so see how I've changed my routines and habits since he's been gone and don't realize it. I really feel for those who have to endure the full year deployments. I know we will potentially have to as well. But, even in the last 7 weeks I feel like we have a slight disconnect. Our worlds are becoming more separate. I imagine that is normal, as they are two very different worlds, and even having a phone call every day isn't going to make those worlds feel much closer. It just keeps them from falling apart. It keeps us connected. I think it really takes more of a conscious effort to stay connected when you are literally half the world away from the one you love. There is no part of this that is easy, for either side of the world!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Day Forty-Seven.
What a day. I slept horribly last night and my grumpiness seemed to weave it's way in and out of my day.
I didn't talk to my honey today. I waited near the computer for an hour or so this morning, but I had to get ready and leave for school. For some reason I had a feeling that he was sleeping in. I wished that I could call or something to wake him up, but there was no way to do that! I later got an email from him that he did in fact oversleep. Sounds like he had a bad start to his day too. He woke up with only enough time to get dressed and go straight to work. No time to shave or eat or anything! I hope he wasn't too scruffy!
I feel bad, I know that is never a fun way to wake up in the morning. In his email he said he was grumpy. I'll be so glad when he gets home, and we can both sleep better.
I had to go get a little heater today so I can sleep in our bedroom. It has just been too cold in there, and cranking up the heat doesn't seem to be the best solution. No use heating the entire apartment when I'm only in one room, and that one room doesn't seem to get as much heat. (or actually I think it just loses the heat due to being on two outside walls!) It should be nice and cozy this evening.
I did get to go to class today. It was canceled on Tuesday. We met at an art museum on campus and were provided crafty materials to create Valentines. It was really fun! Nothing quite as exhilarating than to be in a room with four tables FULL of beautifully colored paper, gems, glue, colored pencils, ribbon, feathers, fabric, stickers, and other odds and ends!! (at least for me!) There is an Andy Warhol exhibit there, so the director took our pictures and made photo copies so we could incorporate our photos in the Valentines in the way that Warhol used his photos. (if we elected to do so)
Of course, I made a Valentine for my soldier, which he will get upon his return home.
Getting to be crafty for two hours really lifted my spirits today. I may not have been beaming an ear-to-ear smile afterward, but I was at least not as grumpy as I was before.
I am tired, but not sleepy tonight. If that makes sense? I should be, but I'm running on sheer stubbornness I believe. So I need to turn off the technology and try to wind down.
I didn't talk to my honey today. I waited near the computer for an hour or so this morning, but I had to get ready and leave for school. For some reason I had a feeling that he was sleeping in. I wished that I could call or something to wake him up, but there was no way to do that! I later got an email from him that he did in fact oversleep. Sounds like he had a bad start to his day too. He woke up with only enough time to get dressed and go straight to work. No time to shave or eat or anything! I hope he wasn't too scruffy!
I feel bad, I know that is never a fun way to wake up in the morning. In his email he said he was grumpy. I'll be so glad when he gets home, and we can both sleep better.
I had to go get a little heater today so I can sleep in our bedroom. It has just been too cold in there, and cranking up the heat doesn't seem to be the best solution. No use heating the entire apartment when I'm only in one room, and that one room doesn't seem to get as much heat. (or actually I think it just loses the heat due to being on two outside walls!) It should be nice and cozy this evening.
I did get to go to class today. It was canceled on Tuesday. We met at an art museum on campus and were provided crafty materials to create Valentines. It was really fun! Nothing quite as exhilarating than to be in a room with four tables FULL of beautifully colored paper, gems, glue, colored pencils, ribbon, feathers, fabric, stickers, and other odds and ends!! (at least for me!) There is an Andy Warhol exhibit there, so the director took our pictures and made photo copies so we could incorporate our photos in the Valentines in the way that Warhol used his photos. (if we elected to do so)
Of course, I made a Valentine for my soldier, which he will get upon his return home.
Getting to be crafty for two hours really lifted my spirits today. I may not have been beaming an ear-to-ear smile afterward, but I was at least not as grumpy as I was before.
I am tired, but not sleepy tonight. If that makes sense? I should be, but I'm running on sheer stubbornness I believe. So I need to turn off the technology and try to wind down.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Day Forty-Five & Forty Six.
The last two days have been pretty much the same. The weather has limited me to staying inside. Classes were canceled yesterday due to snow and ice.
So I have been doing some house work, cleaning, moving some things around, reading for school, and just trying to keep busy.
I didn't sleep well last night. I was anxious for some reason and couldn't let myself relax. I packed up all my blankets and computer and came back out to the living room and slept on the couch for the first time in weeks! I'm not sure why, but I was really uneasy. I didn't sleep well on the couch, but I wasn't anxious at least. I was restless and the cat was being a terror, running around the house and tearing things up. I know she was sleeping when I got back up, so why she had to be awake and run around when I got up, I'm not sure, but it made it really difficult to fall asleep.
It was nice to see the sunshine out today. This winter is really giving me the blahs! I can't wait to be able to open up the windows and enjoy some fresh air!
I have begun thinking of all the things I want to have done before my soldier gets home! There is a lot that I'd like to do, but I usually try to do too much, so I'll probably have to tone it back a little so not to get myself all crazy and overwhelmed. (yeah, right!)
The reason I didn't get to talk to my soldier the other day, is because he thought he had the night off, but he actually didn't. Then he wasn't able to email me and let me know. That's okay, I didn't think I would talk to him until later anyway, but I didn't. I actually didn't worry about it for once. I just figured he was probably out and about. He was off yesterday, however, so we got to chat for a while.
He said it's been pretty slow lately at the hangars. Tonight he has to work at the Walker Center which is the computer and T.V. area. So he'll be having people sign in and sign out, and giving out cameras and headsets.
He hasn't been eating very well. Due to his shift time and sleep schedule, he hasn't been getting to chow and has had to eat junky foods a lot recently. I'm sure between his interrupted sleep cycle and bad meal schedule, he probably doesn't feel 100% at the top of his game. I told him I'd be sure that he eats well when he gets home!!!
The homecoming is starting to feel more real now... it is getting closer and I'm hoping the time flies by!!
So I have been doing some house work, cleaning, moving some things around, reading for school, and just trying to keep busy.
I didn't sleep well last night. I was anxious for some reason and couldn't let myself relax. I packed up all my blankets and computer and came back out to the living room and slept on the couch for the first time in weeks! I'm not sure why, but I was really uneasy. I didn't sleep well on the couch, but I wasn't anxious at least. I was restless and the cat was being a terror, running around the house and tearing things up. I know she was sleeping when I got back up, so why she had to be awake and run around when I got up, I'm not sure, but it made it really difficult to fall asleep.
It was nice to see the sunshine out today. This winter is really giving me the blahs! I can't wait to be able to open up the windows and enjoy some fresh air!
I have begun thinking of all the things I want to have done before my soldier gets home! There is a lot that I'd like to do, but I usually try to do too much, so I'll probably have to tone it back a little so not to get myself all crazy and overwhelmed. (yeah, right!)
The reason I didn't get to talk to my soldier the other day, is because he thought he had the night off, but he actually didn't. Then he wasn't able to email me and let me know. That's okay, I didn't think I would talk to him until later anyway, but I didn't. I actually didn't worry about it for once. I just figured he was probably out and about. He was off yesterday, however, so we got to chat for a while.
He said it's been pretty slow lately at the hangars. Tonight he has to work at the Walker Center which is the computer and T.V. area. So he'll be having people sign in and sign out, and giving out cameras and headsets.
He hasn't been eating very well. Due to his shift time and sleep schedule, he hasn't been getting to chow and has had to eat junky foods a lot recently. I'm sure between his interrupted sleep cycle and bad meal schedule, he probably doesn't feel 100% at the top of his game. I told him I'd be sure that he eats well when he gets home!!!
The homecoming is starting to feel more real now... it is getting closer and I'm hoping the time flies by!!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Day Forty-Four.
Monday January 31, 2011
I honestly don't feel like blogging tonight. I haven't gotten to talk to my boyfriend today. Not sure why. I'm trying to stay up to see if he gets on-line around midnight because sometimes he will check his email before going to bed. But I'm bored, and tired. Chances are, school will be canceled tomorrow.
I feel really negative tonight and don't even feel like expressing my thoughts into words. The weather is getting really horrible and I'm tired of the cold.
This is definitely the longest winter ever.
I honestly don't feel like blogging tonight. I haven't gotten to talk to my boyfriend today. Not sure why. I'm trying to stay up to see if he gets on-line around midnight because sometimes he will check his email before going to bed. But I'm bored, and tired. Chances are, school will be canceled tomorrow.
I feel really negative tonight and don't even feel like expressing my thoughts into words. The weather is getting really horrible and I'm tired of the cold.
This is definitely the longest winter ever.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Day Forty-Three.
So tired. It is 10pm and I was ready for bed at about 6pm!
No particular reason really, just tired.
My soldier is going to be working at the hangar tonight. He also has tomorrow night off. I didn't take any notes today of our conversation. I know we talked about our plans for the week that he gets home. We also talked about movies, good ones and bad ones.
I reminded him that he is over half way there! He'll be home in less days than he's already been over there. He wasn't really all that impressed with that fact. I just think that any amount of days feels like too many days, which I totally understand!!
I am trying to figure out what to do tomorrow. I have a really long to-do list, of mostly phone-calls, and also training for the job I don't want to work at from 10am - 1pm. It is my first day of training. I am wondering if I should waste their time and mine by starting this training. It's only a few hours, so it won't be too bad. I'm just reluctant and have had a bad vibe for this place since I interviewed. I don't know if its because I'll be working with and surrounded by people I don't know, in an environment I am not familiar with, and I am just overwhelmed with being thrown into those situations.. it's pretty much all I've experienced (no surprise, since it's a whole new state!) since I've moved away from home.
I just wonder how long it will take for me to feel comfortable here. It feels like it is taking forever and I don't like it. I miss feeling comfortable and knowing all the back roads, and the best times to go to certain stores, and actually knowing where those stores are! I have lived within a 40 mile radius of the house I grew up in my entire life, and now I am hundreds of miles away from there with this never-ending "lost" feeling surrounding me.
No particular reason really, just tired.
My soldier is going to be working at the hangar tonight. He also has tomorrow night off. I didn't take any notes today of our conversation. I know we talked about our plans for the week that he gets home. We also talked about movies, good ones and bad ones.
I reminded him that he is over half way there! He'll be home in less days than he's already been over there. He wasn't really all that impressed with that fact. I just think that any amount of days feels like too many days, which I totally understand!!
I am trying to figure out what to do tomorrow. I have a really long to-do list, of mostly phone-calls, and also training for the job I don't want to work at from 10am - 1pm. It is my first day of training. I am wondering if I should waste their time and mine by starting this training. It's only a few hours, so it won't be too bad. I'm just reluctant and have had a bad vibe for this place since I interviewed. I don't know if its because I'll be working with and surrounded by people I don't know, in an environment I am not familiar with, and I am just overwhelmed with being thrown into those situations.. it's pretty much all I've experienced (no surprise, since it's a whole new state!) since I've moved away from home.
I just wonder how long it will take for me to feel comfortable here. It feels like it is taking forever and I don't like it. I miss feeling comfortable and knowing all the back roads, and the best times to go to certain stores, and actually knowing where those stores are! I have lived within a 40 mile radius of the house I grew up in my entire life, and now I am hundreds of miles away from there with this never-ending "lost" feeling surrounding me.
Day Forty-Two.
Saturday January 29, 2011
It's felt like a long day. I did some school work and some crafty stuff. I watched a couple movies as I was doing those things.
I am really tired, so this will probably be short. I talked to my soldier this morning on video chat. We actually had a long conversation today! It was nice to be able to relax and chat as long as we wanted. I miss being able to do that! Usually either one of us has something to do, or are too tired, etc.
My soldier worked at the FARP last night. He said that not one single bird landed the entire night. They had a low ceiling, so nothing was flying. That makes for a long boring night.
He was excited because they changed the "female latrine" that is right outside of their new Chu, to a "male latrine" since apparently there are no females in the area. Before today they had quite a walk just to go to the bathroom or shower. I can't imagine having to walk outside and around a building just to potty. I would be so annoyed! But I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.
I really miss my honey tonight. I just wish I could talk to him and say goodnight. I miss that. Even when we were living in different states, we would at least text "goodnight" to each other.
I bought some books this evening with a gift-card I got for Christmas. One of the books is a type of military spouses guide for relationships and deployments. It should be interesting at the very least. I am looking forward to getting my new books!! However I am in the middle of two other books, plus my school work.. I'm almost finished with one, so I'll have to finish them both up and start on my new ones! I have so many "projects" going right now. My creative juices are on overload lately!! I guess it's a good thing. Just wish I could get them all out as fast as they come to mind!
Time for bed. I am planning to visit one of the spouses tomorrow for a hair cut! I can't wait!!
It's felt like a long day. I did some school work and some crafty stuff. I watched a couple movies as I was doing those things.
I am really tired, so this will probably be short. I talked to my soldier this morning on video chat. We actually had a long conversation today! It was nice to be able to relax and chat as long as we wanted. I miss being able to do that! Usually either one of us has something to do, or are too tired, etc.
My soldier worked at the FARP last night. He said that not one single bird landed the entire night. They had a low ceiling, so nothing was flying. That makes for a long boring night.
He was excited because they changed the "female latrine" that is right outside of their new Chu, to a "male latrine" since apparently there are no females in the area. Before today they had quite a walk just to go to the bathroom or shower. I can't imagine having to walk outside and around a building just to potty. I would be so annoyed! But I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.
I really miss my honey tonight. I just wish I could talk to him and say goodnight. I miss that. Even when we were living in different states, we would at least text "goodnight" to each other.
I bought some books this evening with a gift-card I got for Christmas. One of the books is a type of military spouses guide for relationships and deployments. It should be interesting at the very least. I am looking forward to getting my new books!! However I am in the middle of two other books, plus my school work.. I'm almost finished with one, so I'll have to finish them both up and start on my new ones! I have so many "projects" going right now. My creative juices are on overload lately!! I guess it's a good thing. Just wish I could get them all out as fast as they come to mind!
Time for bed. I am planning to visit one of the spouses tomorrow for a hair cut! I can't wait!!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Day Forty & Forty-One.
Thursday January 27, 2011
I didn't have a chance to blog on Thursday. I talked to my boyfriend, had class, dinner, then was invited to one of the spouses houses (that rhyme made me giggle) and I didn't get home until after 3:00am, so needless to say, I wasn't feeling much like plopping down on the computer to blog.
My soldier was really sleep yesterday when I talked to him. He was cuddled up in bed with his fleece hat on and he didn't even have his glasses on. He was so cute. I of course took a snap-shot of him on Skype. He was frustrated with getting his sleep cycle interrupted by required duty or tasks, even though he is technically night shift. I don't blame him, I don't like my sleep to be messed with either.
I had a fun time with the ladies last night. We played cards and talked and just had fun being together.
Friday January 28, 2011
Today I was grumpy when I got up because I wasn't nearly ready to be out of bed! I probably went to sleep around 4am, and got up at 10am.. which is 6 hours, so you would think I would be okay, but I was exhausted. I did my usual routine of starting coffee, had some toast, got my computer up and running and logged into Skype. I laid down on the couch for a few minutes and listened to some music. I really just wanted to go back to bed. I couldn't doze off though, I could only anticipate my soldier's call.
So I instead decided to work on the vacuum cleaner. It was having issues, and needed to be taken apart and unclogged. Such a glorious task first thing in the morning. I did that, which took about 30 minutes, and figured while I was doing the gross things I might as well clean the cat box. I was so ready for a shower at that point! It wasn't until around 1:15pm or so that he called. I was glad to talk to him, but I knew he would have to start getting ready for work, and I had to get ready to leave as well.
He had a boring night last night. I'm not sure exactly what he did, but it was basically sitting and listening for calls over the radio, and he had to respond back to them when they radioed. He said there were only two calls all night. I'm glad he has plenty of movies on his computer to keep him busy!
I had an emotional day. I am not excited about this part-time job that I got. I went to fill out paperwork today, and start training on Monday - which is from 10am to 1pm - right in the time frame that I usually get to talk to my honey. I guess I can't expect to be home every single day during that time, but it's still frustrating. I don't have a whole lot to look forward to each day, and that just happens to be one of my favorites! So I was bummed after filling out paperwork. I wasn't impressed with the management pretty much as soon as they started talking. I've had my fair share of bad managers, and I can usually spot them right away. I am going to try it and see if maybe I'm wrong. I hope so. It would sure be nice to bring in some extra spending money and make me feel like I'm contributing.
I am not sure if I've pissed off the universe or what, but lately I have been a walking train-wreck! I don't know how many things I've dropped, broken, tripped over, lost, messed up or hurt myself with in the last two days, but it's been a lot. I made a disastrous dinner yesterday. I, for some strange reason, thought I knew how to cook and tried making fried rice, which I have never made, and tried without a recipe. Smart-thinking. I don't know but I feel dangerous! Like, please do not let me hold anything glass, or expensive, or a baby... nothing breakable!
Anyway, I am sure it's partially due to my stress, lack of sleep and general feeling of disorientation lately. I finally broke down and cleaned the house tonight. It was crazy messy. I usually like to keep it clean, but I was seriously slacking this week. I do feel a little bit better already after some sweeping, mopping, dishes, etc. It's about the only thing I feel like I have control of some days.
One last thought. I bought myself a birthday cake tonight. I've been craving cake since my bday... so happy belated bday to me!!
I didn't have a chance to blog on Thursday. I talked to my boyfriend, had class, dinner, then was invited to one of the spouses houses (that rhyme made me giggle) and I didn't get home until after 3:00am, so needless to say, I wasn't feeling much like plopping down on the computer to blog.
My soldier was really sleep yesterday when I talked to him. He was cuddled up in bed with his fleece hat on and he didn't even have his glasses on. He was so cute. I of course took a snap-shot of him on Skype. He was frustrated with getting his sleep cycle interrupted by required duty or tasks, even though he is technically night shift. I don't blame him, I don't like my sleep to be messed with either.
I had a fun time with the ladies last night. We played cards and talked and just had fun being together.
Friday January 28, 2011
Today I was grumpy when I got up because I wasn't nearly ready to be out of bed! I probably went to sleep around 4am, and got up at 10am.. which is 6 hours, so you would think I would be okay, but I was exhausted. I did my usual routine of starting coffee, had some toast, got my computer up and running and logged into Skype. I laid down on the couch for a few minutes and listened to some music. I really just wanted to go back to bed. I couldn't doze off though, I could only anticipate my soldier's call.
So I instead decided to work on the vacuum cleaner. It was having issues, and needed to be taken apart and unclogged. Such a glorious task first thing in the morning. I did that, which took about 30 minutes, and figured while I was doing the gross things I might as well clean the cat box. I was so ready for a shower at that point! It wasn't until around 1:15pm or so that he called. I was glad to talk to him, but I knew he would have to start getting ready for work, and I had to get ready to leave as well.
He had a boring night last night. I'm not sure exactly what he did, but it was basically sitting and listening for calls over the radio, and he had to respond back to them when they radioed. He said there were only two calls all night. I'm glad he has plenty of movies on his computer to keep him busy!
I had an emotional day. I am not excited about this part-time job that I got. I went to fill out paperwork today, and start training on Monday - which is from 10am to 1pm - right in the time frame that I usually get to talk to my honey. I guess I can't expect to be home every single day during that time, but it's still frustrating. I don't have a whole lot to look forward to each day, and that just happens to be one of my favorites! So I was bummed after filling out paperwork. I wasn't impressed with the management pretty much as soon as they started talking. I've had my fair share of bad managers, and I can usually spot them right away. I am going to try it and see if maybe I'm wrong. I hope so. It would sure be nice to bring in some extra spending money and make me feel like I'm contributing.
I am not sure if I've pissed off the universe or what, but lately I have been a walking train-wreck! I don't know how many things I've dropped, broken, tripped over, lost, messed up or hurt myself with in the last two days, but it's been a lot. I made a disastrous dinner yesterday. I, for some strange reason, thought I knew how to cook and tried making fried rice, which I have never made, and tried without a recipe. Smart-thinking. I don't know but I feel dangerous! Like, please do not let me hold anything glass, or expensive, or a baby... nothing breakable!
Anyway, I am sure it's partially due to my stress, lack of sleep and general feeling of disorientation lately. I finally broke down and cleaned the house tonight. It was crazy messy. I usually like to keep it clean, but I was seriously slacking this week. I do feel a little bit better already after some sweeping, mopping, dishes, etc. It's about the only thing I feel like I have control of some days.
One last thought. I bought myself a birthday cake tonight. I've been craving cake since my bday... so happy belated bday to me!!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Day Thirty-Nine.
Last night I got an email from my honey that they would probably be moving Chu's today and that he may not get a chance to call before I had to leave for my interview. Imagine my surprise when I heard the Skype ringtone singing out from my computer!! I was lucky to have heard it because I was in the bathroom putting on makeup, still with my hair in a towel, so of course I was looking fabulous when I answered his video chat!!! But I didn't care, and neither did he. We were just glad to be chatting!
He pre-warned me first thing that he had only gotten a couple hours of sleep due to moving and then they had a formation for some reason. He was moved into his new Chu and it sounded like he still had the same roommates. His must be on the opposite side of the room though because he was laying on his left side instead of his right side, or his bed was on a different wall, not sure.
He pre-warned me first thing that he had only gotten a couple hours of sleep due to moving and then they had a formation for some reason. He was moved into his new Chu and it sounded like he still had the same roommates. His must be on the opposite side of the room though because he was laying on his left side instead of his right side, or his bed was on a different wall, not sure.
He didn't get to eat until late today due to working, and then moving and the formation, etc. Sounds like they had a pretty nice spread for dinner tonight! He had lobster tail, shrimp, corn-on-the-cob and coleslaw! I was jealous! Well not of the seafood, but the corn-on-the-cob and coleslaw. Those are two foods that emanate Summer to me. Just hearing him talk about those foods made me really long for warm weather and picnics and sun tans and fishing... ah summer..
I was talking with one of the spouses yesterday and she was talking about how they used to have game nights, so we were thinking of all the fun things we will get to do when the guys (and girls) get home!! We do have one friend that is a female soldier, so I have to include her! Her boyfriend is in a different unit, but he is deployed as well.
I had an interview today for food service. I can't say that I'm particularly excited about it, however, it will be some extra money and make time go fast! I actually feel like it's going pretty fast lately with school and the other side projects I have going on.
I almost forgot to write about the BEST part of my day! I got a delivery this morning just before I left for my interview! It was a box of six long-stem roses sent from my soldier!!!! It was such a nice surprise, and so sweet of him!! I felt like I was walking on air!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Day Thirty-Eight.
It's been a roller coaster of a day.
I was just busy from the moment I got up this morning until this evening. It made the day go fast though and I'm already tired and ready for bed, which is odd for me this time of night.
I got to video chat with my soldier amidst the chaos of my morning. I dominated most of the conversation, going a million miles a minute with my chatter! He is always such a good listener!
He got to see the cat playing in the background today because I was sitting in a different spot than usual, and the scratching post was right behind me. He got a kick out of that. She is always so crazy and playful when I am on-line with him for some reason.
He said they were mostly busy last night at the shop. He didn't have a lot to report, just that he got a hair cut today. We only chatted about half the time we usually do. I had to get ready for class and he wanted to take a quick nap before going into work.
Class was challenging today. Not so much in the content as much as the people. We had to work in groups and I ended up being on the short end of the stick with the direction our group wanted to go with a particular assignment, so I was really frustrated. It did however force me to address something that I am very sensitive about. I didn't outwardly react to my classmates, but I did cry my way home. I know I'm being very vague about it, but I will say that one person in my group made some immature comments about something, and it struck a nerve with me because I have had a bad experience in regards to the topic of her comment. I know it was unintentional, but it made me realize that I need to mend some of my old wounds. Even though I really just wanted to punch her!
This evening I went to the FRG meeting with two other spouses. It was mainly the same info that I had gotten at the company meeting, but I did learn a few other tid-bits of information. I found out when the Ball is for his unit and that the theme is "Old Hollywood" so that will be really fun!
We talked about how things should occur once our soldiers land and get bused to the base. It really just makes me antsy for it to start happening! I don't want to wait another month plus some... I am ready now!!!
I was just busy from the moment I got up this morning until this evening. It made the day go fast though and I'm already tired and ready for bed, which is odd for me this time of night.
I got to video chat with my soldier amidst the chaos of my morning. I dominated most of the conversation, going a million miles a minute with my chatter! He is always such a good listener!
He got to see the cat playing in the background today because I was sitting in a different spot than usual, and the scratching post was right behind me. He got a kick out of that. She is always so crazy and playful when I am on-line with him for some reason.
He said they were mostly busy last night at the shop. He didn't have a lot to report, just that he got a hair cut today. We only chatted about half the time we usually do. I had to get ready for class and he wanted to take a quick nap before going into work.
Class was challenging today. Not so much in the content as much as the people. We had to work in groups and I ended up being on the short end of the stick with the direction our group wanted to go with a particular assignment, so I was really frustrated. It did however force me to address something that I am very sensitive about. I didn't outwardly react to my classmates, but I did cry my way home. I know I'm being very vague about it, but I will say that one person in my group made some immature comments about something, and it struck a nerve with me because I have had a bad experience in regards to the topic of her comment. I know it was unintentional, but it made me realize that I need to mend some of my old wounds. Even though I really just wanted to punch her!
This evening I went to the FRG meeting with two other spouses. It was mainly the same info that I had gotten at the company meeting, but I did learn a few other tid-bits of information. I found out when the Ball is for his unit and that the theme is "Old Hollywood" so that will be really fun!
We talked about how things should occur once our soldiers land and get bused to the base. It really just makes me antsy for it to start happening! I don't want to wait another month plus some... I am ready now!!!
Day Thirty-Seven.
Monday January 24, 2010
Surprisingly today I got a call from my soldier! I honestly wasn't expecting to due to him running out of internet in the Chu and not knowing if he would move today or not. When I talked to him, he said that he had decided to go ahead and get internet service because he hadn't heard when they were moving yet. He then came to find out that they weren't going to move until at least the end of this week.
It was a nice surprise and definitely lifted my spirits after yesterday. I actually woke up in a decent mood this morning. Although I was tired, I wasn't in the funk that I had been the previous two days.
I felt bad for him because he was technically off work last night, but then had to report for duty at 0700 to help with packing up the SPAM. So the time he usually was getting off work and getting ready for bed, he had to go to work for a few hours. I know he had to be tired.
The weather there has been warmer the last few days. It's been in the 60's during the day. He said that without the breeze, the sun actually feels pretty hot and makes him sweat. That's a far cry from the weather we are having at home. It has been really cold. I actually had to scrape about a quarter-inch of ice off my car yesterday. Today, however, it did "warm up" to the mid-thirties.
I heard a helicopter the other day, which was out of the ordinary because there usually isn't much air traffic around here. I'm sure it will be much different when all the equipment returns to base. I asked my boyfriend about it, wondering if it was some of their birds returning to base, but he said it probably wasn't. Apparently the Kiowa's they work on there will have to be "reset" elsewhere first before returning to base. Not exactly sure what that means.
I was wondering when or if he gets a lunch break since he works typically midnight - 0800 and he mentioned the chow hall times today. He doesn't really get a lunch break, but instead just takes cereal and milk to the shop. Since they do have down time it's not a big deal to stop and eat whenever they get hungry. That was good to hear. I was worried about them getting to eat when they needed to since the hours are a little off from the chow times.
I don't feel like I accomplished much today, but really I did. I read about 150 pages for class, and worked on an assignment. I finally got a call back for a job, however, it's not one of the ones I was particularly excited about. I am set up for an interview on Wednesday, so we'll see how it goes.
Other than that, my soldier and I just chit-chatted about the cat and her craziness, and the other seemingly minute details of my days since we hadn't talked for a couple days. Tomorrow I have class and then the FRG meeting to find more out about the soldier's homecoming. I am anxious to hear what we have to look forward to!
Surprisingly today I got a call from my soldier! I honestly wasn't expecting to due to him running out of internet in the Chu and not knowing if he would move today or not. When I talked to him, he said that he had decided to go ahead and get internet service because he hadn't heard when they were moving yet. He then came to find out that they weren't going to move until at least the end of this week.
It was a nice surprise and definitely lifted my spirits after yesterday. I actually woke up in a decent mood this morning. Although I was tired, I wasn't in the funk that I had been the previous two days.
I felt bad for him because he was technically off work last night, but then had to report for duty at 0700 to help with packing up the SPAM. So the time he usually was getting off work and getting ready for bed, he had to go to work for a few hours. I know he had to be tired.
The weather there has been warmer the last few days. It's been in the 60's during the day. He said that without the breeze, the sun actually feels pretty hot and makes him sweat. That's a far cry from the weather we are having at home. It has been really cold. I actually had to scrape about a quarter-inch of ice off my car yesterday. Today, however, it did "warm up" to the mid-thirties.
I heard a helicopter the other day, which was out of the ordinary because there usually isn't much air traffic around here. I'm sure it will be much different when all the equipment returns to base. I asked my boyfriend about it, wondering if it was some of their birds returning to base, but he said it probably wasn't. Apparently the Kiowa's they work on there will have to be "reset" elsewhere first before returning to base. Not exactly sure what that means.
I was wondering when or if he gets a lunch break since he works typically midnight - 0800 and he mentioned the chow hall times today. He doesn't really get a lunch break, but instead just takes cereal and milk to the shop. Since they do have down time it's not a big deal to stop and eat whenever they get hungry. That was good to hear. I was worried about them getting to eat when they needed to since the hours are a little off from the chow times.
I don't feel like I accomplished much today, but really I did. I read about 150 pages for class, and worked on an assignment. I finally got a call back for a job, however, it's not one of the ones I was particularly excited about. I am set up for an interview on Wednesday, so we'll see how it goes.
Other than that, my soldier and I just chit-chatted about the cat and her craziness, and the other seemingly minute details of my days since we hadn't talked for a couple days. Tomorrow I have class and then the FRG meeting to find more out about the soldier's homecoming. I am anxious to hear what we have to look forward to!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Day Thirty-Six.
I honestly don't really have anything new to blog about today.
I didn't get to talk to my soldier today. His internet ran out in his current Chu and since he will be moving Chus within the next day or two, he didn't want to renew it yet, until he knew for sure it would be availble in his new Chu.
He was online for a while, but it was probably right about the time I layed down for a nap this afternoon. I was really bored and tired and just didn't have the desire to do anything productive this afternoon.
I did some reading this morning, then some painting this evening. I have been in a sort of "blah" mood the last couple days. The weather here sure doesn't help. It snowed a little today and is frigid outside.
I knew to expect that we wouldn't be able to talk via webchat or phone call. But it still isn't easy to deal with. I am missing my soldier more than ever and ready for all of this to be over with and for life to feel somewhat normal again. I've been really missing my family and friends from back home. I think this would be easier with them around.. I've had some feelings that I've had to cipher through and overcome. This evening I just don't feel like I have the strength to deal with them, so I am going to call it a night.
I didn't get to talk to my soldier today. His internet ran out in his current Chu and since he will be moving Chus within the next day or two, he didn't want to renew it yet, until he knew for sure it would be availble in his new Chu.
He was online for a while, but it was probably right about the time I layed down for a nap this afternoon. I was really bored and tired and just didn't have the desire to do anything productive this afternoon.
I did some reading this morning, then some painting this evening. I have been in a sort of "blah" mood the last couple days. The weather here sure doesn't help. It snowed a little today and is frigid outside.
I knew to expect that we wouldn't be able to talk via webchat or phone call. But it still isn't easy to deal with. I am missing my soldier more than ever and ready for all of this to be over with and for life to feel somewhat normal again. I've been really missing my family and friends from back home. I think this would be easier with them around.. I've had some feelings that I've had to cipher through and overcome. This evening I just don't feel like I have the strength to deal with them, so I am going to call it a night.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Day Thirty-Five.
It's been one of those days that when you get to the end you wonder what happened to the rest of your day!
The strange thing is, is that I haven't really done too much it seems. I woke up in a funk today. I don't know why. I had to have about a 30 second cry when I got off line from talking to my boyfriend today. I just missed him so much. He had one of his room-mates there, and then another one of his buddies stopped by so he was chatting with them a lot when we were on Skype. It didn't really bother me, but the funny thing is, I was really jealous that they got to be there with him and talk in person. Here we are thousands of miles away and dealing with the stupid delay and can't have a regular conversation without talking over each other, and they get to be there in person. I feel silly even talking about it because it seems so trivial. But as I was chatting with one of the wives last night, she feels the same way often, as far as just missing her husband being within proximity of hand holding and talking in person!
They will be moving into new Chus in the next day or two, so he was telling me that it might be a little sketchy from now on as far as getting to talk on-line, etc. I knew that it was coming, and really we have been so fortunate to be able to talk so often like we do, but it doesn't make it any easier.
He said he didn't have much go on at work today. It was kinda busy but not really, he said. Didn't really get much more elaboration on that! I'm not sure if he worked at the FARP or in the shop.
Tomorrow there are several soldiers that are supposed to help "layout the spam" which I am not exactly sure what that means either. I assume they are taking apart the workshop that they used to work in and getting it ready to ship back to the states. That will be going on during the day shift, but he may have to stay over past his shift to help out. I hope not because I know he will be really tired.
Yesterday he had his PT test and did "ok" on it he said. They had to do the test after working out in the cold all night. (which sounds weird to say since they are in the desert!) But most people take their test first thing in the morning, before they report for work, so they have a bit of an advantage as far as being rested and ready to go. But he passed, and that's all that really matters!
My day was not very productive. I did work on my painting and read a couple pages of my school book. I ended up laying down for a couple hours to try and reset my brain, but it was an awful nap and I didn't rest well and ended up being more grumpy I think when I got up!!
So I am really hoping for a productive and positive day tomorrow... days like today I just feel like I've wasted.. but I do need to recharge and decompress every now and then..I guess that was today.
The strange thing is, is that I haven't really done too much it seems. I woke up in a funk today. I don't know why. I had to have about a 30 second cry when I got off line from talking to my boyfriend today. I just missed him so much. He had one of his room-mates there, and then another one of his buddies stopped by so he was chatting with them a lot when we were on Skype. It didn't really bother me, but the funny thing is, I was really jealous that they got to be there with him and talk in person. Here we are thousands of miles away and dealing with the stupid delay and can't have a regular conversation without talking over each other, and they get to be there in person. I feel silly even talking about it because it seems so trivial. But as I was chatting with one of the wives last night, she feels the same way often, as far as just missing her husband being within proximity of hand holding and talking in person!
They will be moving into new Chus in the next day or two, so he was telling me that it might be a little sketchy from now on as far as getting to talk on-line, etc. I knew that it was coming, and really we have been so fortunate to be able to talk so often like we do, but it doesn't make it any easier.
He said he didn't have much go on at work today. It was kinda busy but not really, he said. Didn't really get much more elaboration on that! I'm not sure if he worked at the FARP or in the shop.
Tomorrow there are several soldiers that are supposed to help "layout the spam" which I am not exactly sure what that means either. I assume they are taking apart the workshop that they used to work in and getting it ready to ship back to the states. That will be going on during the day shift, but he may have to stay over past his shift to help out. I hope not because I know he will be really tired.
Yesterday he had his PT test and did "ok" on it he said. They had to do the test after working out in the cold all night. (which sounds weird to say since they are in the desert!) But most people take their test first thing in the morning, before they report for work, so they have a bit of an advantage as far as being rested and ready to go. But he passed, and that's all that really matters!
My day was not very productive. I did work on my painting and read a couple pages of my school book. I ended up laying down for a couple hours to try and reset my brain, but it was an awful nap and I didn't rest well and ended up being more grumpy I think when I got up!!
So I am really hoping for a productive and positive day tomorrow... days like today I just feel like I've wasted.. but I do need to recharge and decompress every now and then..I guess that was today.
Day Thirty-Four.
Friday January 21, 2011
So I really had a pretty good birthday! It's actually about 2am on Saturday and I am exhausted so this will be a short post. I meant to post before I left for my get-together but I forgot. I just got home a few minutes ago. I had a great time tonight with the other spouses. It was so nice to get to know them better, and to laugh and share our experiences thus far. It's great to know that there are such great women that are going through the same things, and that are genuinely great people!
I got to video chat with my boyfriend earlier today, and I just talked to him for a few minutes when I got home! He said earlier that he might be off work early and then had a PT test, so he would possibly be on-line this evening. I know a couple of the other girls got calls this evening from their other halves so I wondered if it would be too late by the time I got home to talk to my guy. He said he was about to shut down his computer when I got on-line. He was tired and getting ready for bed, and I am tired as well.
But it was a wonderful treat for the end of my birthday celebration to be able to say both good morning, and goodnight to my love! I am headed to bed now... time for sweet dreams!!!
So I really had a pretty good birthday! It's actually about 2am on Saturday and I am exhausted so this will be a short post. I meant to post before I left for my get-together but I forgot. I just got home a few minutes ago. I had a great time tonight with the other spouses. It was so nice to get to know them better, and to laugh and share our experiences thus far. It's great to know that there are such great women that are going through the same things, and that are genuinely great people!
I got to video chat with my boyfriend earlier today, and I just talked to him for a few minutes when I got home! He said earlier that he might be off work early and then had a PT test, so he would possibly be on-line this evening. I know a couple of the other girls got calls this evening from their other halves so I wondered if it would be too late by the time I got home to talk to my guy. He said he was about to shut down his computer when I got on-line. He was tired and getting ready for bed, and I am tired as well.
But it was a wonderful treat for the end of my birthday celebration to be able to say both good morning, and goodnight to my love! I am headed to bed now... time for sweet dreams!!!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Day Thirty-Three.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
I actually forgot about writing today until now! It's now officially my birthday!
I stayed busy today. I had class and then applied for a job then had dinner and painted this evening.
Talked to my soldier today via video chat. He had a lot to talk about today!
They had their "pre-inspection" today and it went well. They just had to dust/clean the top of their florescent lights to get ready for the official inspection tomorrow.
Last night he worked at one of the "shops" because their "SPAM" which was a lot smaller workshop is closed down now. They had some 50-cals to clean and send off to get fixed. They had to review the logbooks and see what little things needed to be done and fixed. He said he got to work on a radio and talk to the tower, which he thought was pretty cool. He talked about some other things he got to work on too. They stayed pretty busy, so the night went fast.
He was saying he needed to get a haircut and go to the PX. I imagine he'll be doing that after his shift tonight. (which actually is right about now)
The delay is still pretty bad on our Skype connection. We tried oovoo again the other day to see if it was any better, but the audio was much worse. So we are stuck dealing with the delay for now until it gets better. He found out some other details about the shooting that he shared with me.
Today I've really been missing the little things about my soldier. I miss the way he says certain things, even though I get to talk to him, it's not the same. I really miss being in the same room with him and doing the so called mundane tasks of the day with him... like laundry, and dinner, etc.
I can't wait until he can be here and we can laugh together about the silly things the cat does that make me laugh, but it's just not the same without someone else to see it too.
I'm pretty tired now, it's getting late. Only about 40-45 days left until my honey is home! I can't wait!!!
I actually forgot about writing today until now! It's now officially my birthday!
I stayed busy today. I had class and then applied for a job then had dinner and painted this evening.
Talked to my soldier today via video chat. He had a lot to talk about today!
They had their "pre-inspection" today and it went well. They just had to dust/clean the top of their florescent lights to get ready for the official inspection tomorrow.
Last night he worked at one of the "shops" because their "SPAM" which was a lot smaller workshop is closed down now. They had some 50-cals to clean and send off to get fixed. They had to review the logbooks and see what little things needed to be done and fixed. He said he got to work on a radio and talk to the tower, which he thought was pretty cool. He talked about some other things he got to work on too. They stayed pretty busy, so the night went fast.
He was saying he needed to get a haircut and go to the PX. I imagine he'll be doing that after his shift tonight. (which actually is right about now)
The delay is still pretty bad on our Skype connection. We tried oovoo again the other day to see if it was any better, but the audio was much worse. So we are stuck dealing with the delay for now until it gets better. He found out some other details about the shooting that he shared with me.
Today I've really been missing the little things about my soldier. I miss the way he says certain things, even though I get to talk to him, it's not the same. I really miss being in the same room with him and doing the so called mundane tasks of the day with him... like laundry, and dinner, etc.
I can't wait until he can be here and we can laugh together about the silly things the cat does that make me laugh, but it's just not the same without someone else to see it too.
I'm pretty tired now, it's getting late. Only about 40-45 days left until my honey is home! I can't wait!!!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Day Thirty-Two.
I've stayed pretty busy today. I am tired this evening and ready to get to bed early. I want to be up earlier than usual tomorrow to finish my reading for class.
My boyfriend didn't call until an hour or so after he usually does, so I was actually expecting not to hear from him. It was a nice surprise to see his name pop up on Skype! He and his roommates had been busy getting their room cleaned and packed up for the "pre-inspection" tomorrow, and the real inspection on Friday.
He said that they will be moving into a new set of CHUs instead of the "warehouse" type housing! I was really glad to get that news. That will be better living arrangements for my boyfriend, and we have hopes that the internet will be available in the new CHU! There are no guarantees that there will be, but it's possible, so we'll keep our fingers crossed!
I am also hoping that the delay gets better on our video chat. It's been about a 5-7 second delay and it driving us both nuts! I might try to hook up my computer directly to the modem or router or whatever it is I plug in to, and see if it helps.
It's been snowing all day today. I am already tired of winter! But we are on the home stretch towards spring now. Every time I get excited about spring, I get even MORE excited because I know that before its spring, it will be time for my soldier to come home!!! I wish I knew exactly what day he was going to be here. It's hard to countdown if I don't know what day to count down TO.
I'm hoping we find out more information next week at the FRG meeting! For now I'll just continue to look forward to a range of dates! That works for me!
My boyfriend didn't call until an hour or so after he usually does, so I was actually expecting not to hear from him. It was a nice surprise to see his name pop up on Skype! He and his roommates had been busy getting their room cleaned and packed up for the "pre-inspection" tomorrow, and the real inspection on Friday.
He said that they will be moving into a new set of CHUs instead of the "warehouse" type housing! I was really glad to get that news. That will be better living arrangements for my boyfriend, and we have hopes that the internet will be available in the new CHU! There are no guarantees that there will be, but it's possible, so we'll keep our fingers crossed!
I am also hoping that the delay gets better on our video chat. It's been about a 5-7 second delay and it driving us both nuts! I might try to hook up my computer directly to the modem or router or whatever it is I plug in to, and see if it helps.
It's been snowing all day today. I am already tired of winter! But we are on the home stretch towards spring now. Every time I get excited about spring, I get even MORE excited because I know that before its spring, it will be time for my soldier to come home!!! I wish I knew exactly what day he was going to be here. It's hard to countdown if I don't know what day to count down TO.
I'm hoping we find out more information next week at the FRG meeting! For now I'll just continue to look forward to a range of dates! That works for me!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Day Thirty-One.
It's been a busy day! My mind is so full and my emotions are on tilt!
First off, I got to video chat with my boyfriend. He said that his day was uneventful, as they have been the last couple days. I asked him to be more specific, like did he do ANYTHING or really did he do nothing. I told him I needed to have something to report!
He said he worked at the FARP last night. They only had four helicopters come in the whole night. The night before he removed four 50-cal machine guns from whatever equipment they were attached to, and cleaned them. Other than the four helicopters last night, he watched movies on his computer.
Today he has an armament meeting. Not sure what that will entail, however, he will have to stay up for his meeting during the time he would normally be sleeping. I'm not sure if we'll be chatting tomorrow because of this, or if we do, it will be brief I'm sure. They have an inspection by the Commander on Friday so they have to pack up all their stuff and clean their CHU's. It sounds like they will probably leave their stuff mostly packed up because they will be moving to their new "housing" (I use this term lightly) on the 23rd or 24th. This means that our chat time will decrease tremendously after the move. I know I've said this a hundred times, but I am not looking forward to that.
I had my first day of class today. It is a lot different than I thought it would be, but I do believe it will be good for me. It will force me to think outside the box of creativity that I am used to and hopefully develop new vision and skills that I can't wait to put to use!!
After class I went to the store for groceries and other odds and ends. I attempted to read some of my assignment, but after about 14 pages I was just too distracted to focus. Tomorrow I will have to read quite a bit, but it will be okay.
This evening I have been listening to songs that are inspiring, and other songs that make me think of my soldier. My heart is full, as well as my mind!
There is an Army spouse that is having a rough time today. We have only just begun to get to know each other, so I'm not sure that she is comfortable spilling her guts to me quite yet. I wish there was more I could do to help. I sent her one of my "inspirational" songs, hoping that it would be helpful to her as it is to me.. (the song from the Glee soundtrack: Keep Holding On, I'm not a fan of the show, but I do love their soundtrack!) I know our situations are somewhat similar, and I know how I feel some days.. It's just hard to be having an "up" day, when you know someone else is having a "down" day and there isn't much you can do about it. I wish I could package up a piece of my positive feelings today and share them with her, and set some aside for my next "down" day.
I have a to-do list for tomorrow a million miles long, so I hope I wake up with a positive and motivated attitude, or else I'm going to need a lot of caffeine!!
First off, I got to video chat with my boyfriend. He said that his day was uneventful, as they have been the last couple days. I asked him to be more specific, like did he do ANYTHING or really did he do nothing. I told him I needed to have something to report!
He said he worked at the FARP last night. They only had four helicopters come in the whole night. The night before he removed four 50-cal machine guns from whatever equipment they were attached to, and cleaned them. Other than the four helicopters last night, he watched movies on his computer.
Today he has an armament meeting. Not sure what that will entail, however, he will have to stay up for his meeting during the time he would normally be sleeping. I'm not sure if we'll be chatting tomorrow because of this, or if we do, it will be brief I'm sure. They have an inspection by the Commander on Friday so they have to pack up all their stuff and clean their CHU's. It sounds like they will probably leave their stuff mostly packed up because they will be moving to their new "housing" (I use this term lightly) on the 23rd or 24th. This means that our chat time will decrease tremendously after the move. I know I've said this a hundred times, but I am not looking forward to that.
I had my first day of class today. It is a lot different than I thought it would be, but I do believe it will be good for me. It will force me to think outside the box of creativity that I am used to and hopefully develop new vision and skills that I can't wait to put to use!!
After class I went to the store for groceries and other odds and ends. I attempted to read some of my assignment, but after about 14 pages I was just too distracted to focus. Tomorrow I will have to read quite a bit, but it will be okay.
This evening I have been listening to songs that are inspiring, and other songs that make me think of my soldier. My heart is full, as well as my mind!
There is an Army spouse that is having a rough time today. We have only just begun to get to know each other, so I'm not sure that she is comfortable spilling her guts to me quite yet. I wish there was more I could do to help. I sent her one of my "inspirational" songs, hoping that it would be helpful to her as it is to me.. (the song from the Glee soundtrack: Keep Holding On, I'm not a fan of the show, but I do love their soundtrack!) I know our situations are somewhat similar, and I know how I feel some days.. It's just hard to be having an "up" day, when you know someone else is having a "down" day and there isn't much you can do about it. I wish I could package up a piece of my positive feelings today and share them with her, and set some aside for my next "down" day.
I have a to-do list for tomorrow a million miles long, so I hope I wake up with a positive and motivated attitude, or else I'm going to need a lot of caffeine!!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Day Thirty.
Well it's officially been a month now!
I wonder if subconsciously I knew this as I woke up because I was in a funk as soon as I opened my eyes. I dreamed of my boyfriend and I sitting together, I don't remember what all was going on, but as I woke up I remembered that he had his arm around me. I didn't want to leave my dream!
I struggled this morning to get moving and get ready for the day. I was a bit emotional from the start and found myself getting teary several times. I tried to cheer up. I didn't want to be down in the dumps when I got on-line to video chat with my honey.
We didn't chat for as long as we usually do. The delay was bad on skype today and the video and audio quality wasn't very good for some reason. He was tired and I was out of things to talk about. He didn't have anything to report about work. It was just a regular old day. He told me yesterday that he received the care package a couple days ago that I sent. He shared the contents and has been playing the hand-held games. I'm really glad that he got it, and that he is enjoying it!!
I asked him if he was going to write me a birthday letter. He said it might have to be a birthday email. He said he doesn't have any envelopes, but I'm pretty sure they sell those in the PX. I knew I should have stuck some envelopes and stamps in his bag! I just get the impression he's not a fan of writing. It sounds like he has some things going on this week, like an inspection this Friday so he has to get things cleaned up and in tip-top shape the next couple days.
The rest of my day has been pretty uneventful. It will be good for me to go to class tomorrow and get out and about. I feel like some pieces of me are fading away. I'm trying to stay upbeat and be positive, but today is just one of those days.
I wonder if subconsciously I knew this as I woke up because I was in a funk as soon as I opened my eyes. I dreamed of my boyfriend and I sitting together, I don't remember what all was going on, but as I woke up I remembered that he had his arm around me. I didn't want to leave my dream!
I struggled this morning to get moving and get ready for the day. I was a bit emotional from the start and found myself getting teary several times. I tried to cheer up. I didn't want to be down in the dumps when I got on-line to video chat with my honey.
We didn't chat for as long as we usually do. The delay was bad on skype today and the video and audio quality wasn't very good for some reason. He was tired and I was out of things to talk about. He didn't have anything to report about work. It was just a regular old day. He told me yesterday that he received the care package a couple days ago that I sent. He shared the contents and has been playing the hand-held games. I'm really glad that he got it, and that he is enjoying it!!
I asked him if he was going to write me a birthday letter. He said it might have to be a birthday email. He said he doesn't have any envelopes, but I'm pretty sure they sell those in the PX. I knew I should have stuck some envelopes and stamps in his bag! I just get the impression he's not a fan of writing. It sounds like he has some things going on this week, like an inspection this Friday so he has to get things cleaned up and in tip-top shape the next couple days.
The rest of my day has been pretty uneventful. It will be good for me to go to class tomorrow and get out and about. I feel like some pieces of me are fading away. I'm trying to stay upbeat and be positive, but today is just one of those days.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Day Twenty-Nine.
Today was good. I got to video chat with my soldier today! It was so nice to talk to him, especially after all of yesterday's events. I let him know that the guys in Mosul that we know were okay. They hadn't heard anything else except what was on the news.
He said that yesterday he cleaned an old rusty 50 cal machine gun. Not sure what else he did. He just said when he got off work he went back to his Chu and straight to sleep. He was really tired from switching back to the night shift.
I had all kinds of stuff to tell him about my days. Mostly just silly little things that I did around the house, or that the cat did, etc. We hadn't really talked except for Facebook chat for three days! It's strange because when I write that, it doesn't seem like very long. But if you think about everything you've done in the past three days.. it really can be a long time!
I talked to one of my upstairs neighbors a couple days ago. I found out that the one guy did deploy to Afghanistan, and the girl is planning to move back home to Kentucky in February so they won't be keeping the apartment! I'm glad we won't have to deal with the partying anymore for sure! My anxiety level has gotten much better and I've been able to sleep better the last couple days since I talked to her. I am hoping that our new neighbors will be good ones!
So this week I start my class on Tuesday and Thursday, and have a get-together on Friday with the other spouses! It's going to feel like a lot after not having much going one the past couple weeks! I'm looking forward to it!!
He said that yesterday he cleaned an old rusty 50 cal machine gun. Not sure what else he did. He just said when he got off work he went back to his Chu and straight to sleep. He was really tired from switching back to the night shift.
I had all kinds of stuff to tell him about my days. Mostly just silly little things that I did around the house, or that the cat did, etc. We hadn't really talked except for Facebook chat for three days! It's strange because when I write that, it doesn't seem like very long. But if you think about everything you've done in the past three days.. it really can be a long time!
I talked to one of my upstairs neighbors a couple days ago. I found out that the one guy did deploy to Afghanistan, and the girl is planning to move back home to Kentucky in February so they won't be keeping the apartment! I'm glad we won't have to deal with the partying anymore for sure! My anxiety level has gotten much better and I've been able to sleep better the last couple days since I talked to her. I am hoping that our new neighbors will be good ones!
So this week I start my class on Tuesday and Thursday, and have a get-together on Friday with the other spouses! It's going to feel like a lot after not having much going one the past couple weeks! I'm looking forward to it!!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Day Twenty-Eight.
Waiting.
Besides "strength" and "worry," "waiting" is the official word of the military for me.
Today I am sitting here waiting to hear good news. I am waiting to hear any news.
It is past the normal time that my soldier calls me, and not one of his fellow soldiers are logged into facebook, which at this time of day is extremely odd.
Being the investigator that I am, probably to my detriment in this case, I looked up the world news section on-line, an put in "Iraq" for my search. I wish I wouldn't have. I wish I would have just went about my day with the computer up as I waited for my call. But for some reason, the two facts were glaring at me and I was worried immediately.. even before typing in my news search.
Three American Soldiers dead in Iraq today was the just of all the Iraq news. I feel so sick to my stomach with worry. I feel guilt for wanting it to be someone else's loved one and not mine. It makes me feel like a horrible person. It makes me fear for the many soldiers that I have met over the past few months and for their families too.
I guess this is a part of being a military spouse/girlfriend. This is the part that "normal" people don't have to think about on a daily basis. I'm guilty of that myself. Being a civilian with no military attachment two years ago, it would tear at my heart when I saw the reports of soldiers dead. It would make my heart ache for a few moments, and I'd say a quick prayer... but then I got to go on about my day. There was no personal attachment there, no real life changing effects. It made me angry that there were good people in harms way, but I didn't know any names of those who were.
Today I feel a tug at my whole world. A dark cloud looming overhead. My soldier may be perfectly fine, but there are 3 people whose families will have to go on without them. The time could not be passing any slower right now. I am afraid to be alone with my thoughts. If I could jump on a plane right now and fly to Iraq, just to see my boyfriend's face and make sure he is okay, you bet I would!
I'm not sure if they will be able to call at all today. I am not sure what the protocol is after something like this happens, and what kind of lock down they are under. I don't even know if anything happened at his base or not. I know that 2 deaths were up north and one was in central Iraq.
What a feeling of helplessness. All I can do is pray and cry.
UPDATE: I got an email from my boyfriend this evening! The shootings, he said were in Mosul. Not sure where the other incident was, but apparently it wasn't on their base. It has been really rainy there so the internet was down. He was able to send an email using an NCO's computer that was able to get internet connection. So I am so thankful that he is okay! What a relief!
I am still worried about those fallen soldiers, and their families. I know it could happen to anyone at anytime and it's scary...so keeping them in my thoughts and prayers tonight!
Besides "strength" and "worry," "waiting" is the official word of the military for me.
Today I am sitting here waiting to hear good news. I am waiting to hear any news.
It is past the normal time that my soldier calls me, and not one of his fellow soldiers are logged into facebook, which at this time of day is extremely odd.
Being the investigator that I am, probably to my detriment in this case, I looked up the world news section on-line, an put in "Iraq" for my search. I wish I wouldn't have. I wish I would have just went about my day with the computer up as I waited for my call. But for some reason, the two facts were glaring at me and I was worried immediately.. even before typing in my news search.
Three American Soldiers dead in Iraq today was the just of all the Iraq news. I feel so sick to my stomach with worry. I feel guilt for wanting it to be someone else's loved one and not mine. It makes me feel like a horrible person. It makes me fear for the many soldiers that I have met over the past few months and for their families too.
I guess this is a part of being a military spouse/girlfriend. This is the part that "normal" people don't have to think about on a daily basis. I'm guilty of that myself. Being a civilian with no military attachment two years ago, it would tear at my heart when I saw the reports of soldiers dead. It would make my heart ache for a few moments, and I'd say a quick prayer... but then I got to go on about my day. There was no personal attachment there, no real life changing effects. It made me angry that there were good people in harms way, but I didn't know any names of those who were.
Today I feel a tug at my whole world. A dark cloud looming overhead. My soldier may be perfectly fine, but there are 3 people whose families will have to go on without them. The time could not be passing any slower right now. I am afraid to be alone with my thoughts. If I could jump on a plane right now and fly to Iraq, just to see my boyfriend's face and make sure he is okay, you bet I would!
I'm not sure if they will be able to call at all today. I am not sure what the protocol is after something like this happens, and what kind of lock down they are under. I don't even know if anything happened at his base or not. I know that 2 deaths were up north and one was in central Iraq.
What a feeling of helplessness. All I can do is pray and cry.
UPDATE: I got an email from my boyfriend this evening! The shootings, he said were in Mosul. Not sure where the other incident was, but apparently it wasn't on their base. It has been really rainy there so the internet was down. He was able to send an email using an NCO's computer that was able to get internet connection. So I am so thankful that he is okay! What a relief!
I am still worried about those fallen soldiers, and their families. I know it could happen to anyone at anytime and it's scary...so keeping them in my thoughts and prayers tonight!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Day Twenty-Seven.
I didn't get much sleep last night..even though I was super tired and didn't feel well, for some reason I just couldn't sleep! It was after 3:00am before I went to sleep!
But I had to get up and get myself going this morning. The internet in Iraq was being flaky today. My boyfriend didn't have access in his Chu, and the internet at the Walker Center was really slow he said. But we at least got to chat via facebook.
He said that the driving test was basically them saying, "good job driving yesterday, you passed!" So he didn't really have much going on today. I had an appt. at the university, and had to get books and parking pass. I was so tired today so walking around the campus trying to find things wasn't the most fun.
I did get to meet up with one of the other army spouses this evening. We had dinner and browsed around at a couple stores before heading home. It's about 9:45pm now and I am exhausted and ready for bed! So I am going to maybe watch a movie or read until I fall asleep...
My soldier has tonight off. He'll be switching back to his night shift tomorrow. Didn't sound like he had much planned. So, not a whole lot to report today I guess. It was good to be busy today. It made the day go a lot faster! I am glad to be starting classes two days a week next week. Hoping that time will just start to fly by as March approaches!
Until tomorrow... goodnight... my heart is full and sending love across the sea and sands.. :)
But I had to get up and get myself going this morning. The internet in Iraq was being flaky today. My boyfriend didn't have access in his Chu, and the internet at the Walker Center was really slow he said. But we at least got to chat via facebook.
He said that the driving test was basically them saying, "good job driving yesterday, you passed!" So he didn't really have much going on today. I had an appt. at the university, and had to get books and parking pass. I was so tired today so walking around the campus trying to find things wasn't the most fun.
I did get to meet up with one of the other army spouses this evening. We had dinner and browsed around at a couple stores before heading home. It's about 9:45pm now and I am exhausted and ready for bed! So I am going to maybe watch a movie or read until I fall asleep...
My soldier has tonight off. He'll be switching back to his night shift tomorrow. Didn't sound like he had much planned. So, not a whole lot to report today I guess. It was good to be busy today. It made the day go a lot faster! I am glad to be starting classes two days a week next week. Hoping that time will just start to fly by as March approaches!
Until tomorrow... goodnight... my heart is full and sending love across the sea and sands.. :)
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Day Twenty-Six.
I am not really in the mood to blog this evening. I'm not feeling very well at the moment.
Talked to my boyfriend for about an hour today. He did some driving today of the humvees and another vehicle. He said it was pretty awesome. He said it felt like they could just run over anything! It was nice to see him so excited about it and that he enjoyed it so much. Tomorrow they are doing driving tests. He said it would probably be pretty easy.
We didn't really talk about any other "work-related" things today. We just chit-chatted about things we want to do when he gets back and what he might do on his day off that is coming up, and I filled him in on all the things I had been up to the last day.
I've found myself randomly smiling today just thinking about my honey and our conversation today. I miss him so much.
I got a distressed phone call from a family member tonight and all I wanted to do was talk to him about it.. It really does suck not being about to pick up the phone and call him, at the very least. I did get to talk to my sister eventually, later on in the evening, which was nice. It's just frustrating when your "go-to" person is unavailable, and not just because they are in a meeting or at work or in a dead zone at the store or something, no, they are on the other side of the world in a war-zone and cannot take your call.
I'm not going to get all wrapped up in that right now though. I just had a moment. That may be why I don't feel well. I just need to continue to de-stressing this evening before I try to sleep.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with an adviser at the university in the afternoon. I have several little things on my to-do list that I've been putting off that I need to get checked off also. For now, however, I am going to watch some mind-less t.v. and go to bed! Night World!
Talked to my boyfriend for about an hour today. He did some driving today of the humvees and another vehicle. He said it was pretty awesome. He said it felt like they could just run over anything! It was nice to see him so excited about it and that he enjoyed it so much. Tomorrow they are doing driving tests. He said it would probably be pretty easy.
We didn't really talk about any other "work-related" things today. We just chit-chatted about things we want to do when he gets back and what he might do on his day off that is coming up, and I filled him in on all the things I had been up to the last day.
I've found myself randomly smiling today just thinking about my honey and our conversation today. I miss him so much.
I got a distressed phone call from a family member tonight and all I wanted to do was talk to him about it.. It really does suck not being about to pick up the phone and call him, at the very least. I did get to talk to my sister eventually, later on in the evening, which was nice. It's just frustrating when your "go-to" person is unavailable, and not just because they are in a meeting or at work or in a dead zone at the store or something, no, they are on the other side of the world in a war-zone and cannot take your call.
I'm not going to get all wrapped up in that right now though. I just had a moment. That may be why I don't feel well. I just need to continue to de-stressing this evening before I try to sleep.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with an adviser at the university in the afternoon. I have several little things on my to-do list that I've been putting off that I need to get checked off also. For now, however, I am going to watch some mind-less t.v. and go to bed! Night World!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Day Twenty-Five.
I just realized that we are coming up on almost a month of being apart! Still a few days away, but wow! I actually feel a little more comfortable this evening, being home alone. I was pretty productive today and I'm tired at a reasonable hour for once. I would count this day up as a "win!"
I got out of the house for a short while today. I just had to run to the Post Office and send a document to my soldier. I decided to take the scenic route home afterward. I wasn't exactly sure where I was going, but I was pretty sure that it was the "back way" to get home. I figured, why not? I think it would be pretty difficult to get lost around here. The base is a lot more confusing than this little town! I filled my day with job searching and finding more information out for school, then put on a movie while I did some painting. I am working on some art, just for fun. I hope to have this piece done asap because I want to do a painting for our apartment before my soldier gets home as a surprise!!
The weapons meeting thing that my soldier had to do today after his shift was short, so he was able to call. He said it was basically a waste of time. They are going to the range tomorrow, and the class was about grouping and zeroing, which they have all done several times before. After the range tomorrow he'll be going to more driver's training. He seemed to be a lot less tired today. I think he is starting to miss the little things from home because he mentioned that he looks forward to us making dinner together when he gets home, among other things.
There are so many "little" things that you miss when you spend long periods of time apart from your loved one, and especially in situations like this where the distance and circumstances are so great. For instance, having coffee together, being able to send a quick text to say 'I love you' or 'hey guess what I just did', sitting in the same room for hours and not having to talk, but just knowing they are there to smile at or give a quick kiss to, are all things that we often take for granted. Even being in the same house is something I miss! To know that he is only a room away would give me butterflies right now!
My only concern right now is that although the time is passing and the number of days until he is home is shrinking, I know that along with that comes the time when he'll have little to no internet access. I am not sure what to expect, and I don't like that feeling. I am glad that I'll be in school soon, albeit only one class, but it will still take up some time as well as the homework and driving, etc. I'll need that distraction when I'm left for days without any contact from abroad.
There are often moments when I feel so... present, I guess is how I would describe it. It feels like all of a sudden the world catches up to where I am...or maybe its me catching up to the rest of the world...and everything stops...time stands still, reality hits me square in the face, and then I can feel every second passing through my body.
Some might think of this as a good thing, experiencing life 'in the present.'
I would if it were a different situation, but having one of those moments today, I had to just close my eyes for a minute and take a deep breath, and then shake it off.
I don't want to feel every second right now. Do I want to make good use of my time? Yes. Do I want to enjoy each day the best that I can? Of course. But do I want to feel the sting of each second through my chest? Nope, I do not.
I'm not trying to wish time away, because I don't like to do that. Time is a gift for us to enjoy and make the most of it's moments. (Even when time seems like a slow torture, it's still a gift because we are alive, and most likely, better days are ahead if we look for them!)
I'll be happy when I can continue collecting more moments together with my soldier! <3
.....sending my love overseas tonight.... goodnight my soldier! I love you!
I got out of the house for a short while today. I just had to run to the Post Office and send a document to my soldier. I decided to take the scenic route home afterward. I wasn't exactly sure where I was going, but I was pretty sure that it was the "back way" to get home. I figured, why not? I think it would be pretty difficult to get lost around here. The base is a lot more confusing than this little town! I filled my day with job searching and finding more information out for school, then put on a movie while I did some painting. I am working on some art, just for fun. I hope to have this piece done asap because I want to do a painting for our apartment before my soldier gets home as a surprise!!
The weapons meeting thing that my soldier had to do today after his shift was short, so he was able to call. He said it was basically a waste of time. They are going to the range tomorrow, and the class was about grouping and zeroing, which they have all done several times before. After the range tomorrow he'll be going to more driver's training. He seemed to be a lot less tired today. I think he is starting to miss the little things from home because he mentioned that he looks forward to us making dinner together when he gets home, among other things.
There are so many "little" things that you miss when you spend long periods of time apart from your loved one, and especially in situations like this where the distance and circumstances are so great. For instance, having coffee together, being able to send a quick text to say 'I love you' or 'hey guess what I just did', sitting in the same room for hours and not having to talk, but just knowing they are there to smile at or give a quick kiss to, are all things that we often take for granted. Even being in the same house is something I miss! To know that he is only a room away would give me butterflies right now!
My only concern right now is that although the time is passing and the number of days until he is home is shrinking, I know that along with that comes the time when he'll have little to no internet access. I am not sure what to expect, and I don't like that feeling. I am glad that I'll be in school soon, albeit only one class, but it will still take up some time as well as the homework and driving, etc. I'll need that distraction when I'm left for days without any contact from abroad.
There are often moments when I feel so... present, I guess is how I would describe it. It feels like all of a sudden the world catches up to where I am...or maybe its me catching up to the rest of the world...and everything stops...time stands still, reality hits me square in the face, and then I can feel every second passing through my body.
Some might think of this as a good thing, experiencing life 'in the present.'
I would if it were a different situation, but having one of those moments today, I had to just close my eyes for a minute and take a deep breath, and then shake it off.
I don't want to feel every second right now. Do I want to make good use of my time? Yes. Do I want to enjoy each day the best that I can? Of course. But do I want to feel the sting of each second through my chest? Nope, I do not.
I'm not trying to wish time away, because I don't like to do that. Time is a gift for us to enjoy and make the most of it's moments. (Even when time seems like a slow torture, it's still a gift because we are alive, and most likely, better days are ahead if we look for them!)
I'll be happy when I can continue collecting more moments together with my soldier! <3
.....sending my love overseas tonight.... goodnight my soldier! I love you!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)