Day Twenty-Eight.

Waiting.

Besides "strength" and "worry," "waiting" is the official word of the military for me.

Today I am sitting here waiting to hear good news. I am waiting to hear any news.
It is past the normal time that my soldier calls me, and not one of his fellow soldiers are logged into facebook, which at this time of day is extremely odd.

Being the investigator that I am, probably to my detriment in this case, I looked up the world news section on-line, an put in "Iraq" for my search. I wish I wouldn't have. I wish I would have just went about my day with the computer up as I waited for my call. But for some reason, the two facts were glaring at me and I was worried immediately.. even before typing in my news search.

Three American Soldiers dead in Iraq today was the just of all the Iraq news. I feel so sick to my stomach with worry. I feel guilt for wanting it to be someone else's loved one and not mine. It makes me feel like a horrible person. It makes me fear for the many soldiers that I have met over the past few months and for their families too.

I guess this is a part of being a military spouse/girlfriend. This is the part that "normal" people don't have to think about on a daily basis. I'm guilty of that myself. Being a civilian with no military attachment two years ago, it would tear at my heart when I saw the reports of soldiers dead. It would make my heart ache for a few moments, and I'd say a quick prayer... but then I got to go on about my day. There was no personal attachment there, no real life changing effects. It made me angry that there were good people in harms way, but I didn't know any names of those who were.

Today I feel a tug at my whole world. A dark cloud looming overhead. My soldier may be perfectly fine, but there are 3 people whose families will have to go on without them. The time could not be passing any slower right now. I am afraid to be alone with my thoughts. If I could jump on a plane right now and fly to Iraq, just to see my boyfriend's face and make sure he is okay, you bet I would!

I'm not sure if they will be able to call at all today. I am not sure what the protocol is after something like this happens, and what kind of lock down they are under. I don't even know if anything happened at his base or not. I know that 2 deaths were up north and one was in central Iraq.

What a feeling of helplessness. All I can do is pray and cry.

UPDATE: I got an email from my boyfriend this evening! The shootings, he said were in Mosul. Not sure where the other incident was, but apparently it wasn't on their base. It has been really rainy there so the internet was down. He was able to send an email using an NCO's computer that was able to get internet connection. So I am so thankful that he is okay! What a relief!
I am still worried about those fallen soldiers, and their families. I know it could happen to anyone at anytime and it's scary...so keeping them in my thoughts and prayers tonight!