Today I pretty much feel like a deck of cards.. a tower of cards stacked up and the slightest breeze will knock me down. The last few days have just been a barrage of bad news. It's actually only been a couple things, but at the point I am at, which is emotionally fragile, they all seem like big things.
My windshield wiper "transmission" has to be replaced and that basically means I can't drive anywhere if there is condensation or any sort of precipitation. So in the midst of all the errands and things I need to get done..I'm grounded. Stuck. They of course did not have the part, and to get a new one is around $250. (For ONE freaking wiper not working! The other one is FINE! Motor works. Wiper does not. ARGH.)
They are going to try a salvage yard to see if there are any used ones. But since it's Saturday, I won't know anything until Monday. I have things to do!!!!!! I think I am going to try spraying some rain-x on my windshield and just go for it anyway. If I have to pull over and wipe off my windshield then I guess that's what I'll do. I am stir crazy as it is, and knowing I'll be stuck here for two days with my to-do list sitting stagnant will drive me insane.
On top of that, I missed an event I wanted to go to for my class yesterday. We still have time to attend another event, but the one I really wanted to go to was yesterday, about a half hour after my windshield wiper broke. So that was a very unwelcome detour.
My soldier wasn't feeling well yesterday, and today as soon as he said hello, I knew he was worse. I could just hear the sickly pain in his voice. He went to sick-call today and they said he has pneumonia, and also had 102 fever! I just wanted to cry. First of all, I hate that he is sick. Second, pneumonia scares the crap out of me because I know it can get really bad, really fast. And Third, I wish I could be there to take care of him. All I can do is tell him to feel better and take care of himself. Might as well tape me up, gag me and stick me in a closet! It is so close to his homecoming and this is definitely not in the plans... I just don't want him to get stuck in a hospital over there or something and not get to come home.
So here I am stuck with a banged up car, hemorrhaging money.. a to-do list that won't quit, and me with a thundercloud over my head feeling like I have no control over anything.... and a sick boyfriend thousands of miles away, and no one there to make him soup, put a wet wash-cloth on his forehead, take his temp, keep him hydrated, and make sure he gets better... I hate this.
I'm so tired of having negative things to say is the kicker.. I don't want to talk to anyone because I don't want to be a downer all the time. I don't want to be a negative person.. I really try to stay positive, but today I am just over it. I am angry at hitting road blocks all the time and ready for something to go smoothly. It is really hard to have car issues and be 600 miles from home, and your man is even further away. I usually have my dad, or a friend who knows somebody who can do this or that. Out here I have no one but the stranger at the car shop who plans to rob me since I wouldn't know any better, to fix something!
Wow. I hope anyone who reads this knows that I am truly not crazy! I just have to vent this stuff somewhere! I feel a bit like Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire when he leaves the office and is like "Don't worry.. I'm not gonna what you all think I'm gonna do and.. (wildly flails arms and legs) just flip out!"
Haha.. that made me laugh anyway! (see this link if you have no idea what I'm talking about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7Iq6lOSoPM )
And I am just going to have faith in my soldier that he will take care of himself, and not try to push it. I know how he is and likes to always be on top of things.. but I did the finger shake thing at him today and told him to take it easy and get better! So he better listen!
It'll all be okay.. I just want it to be perfect. That is the issue I so frequently run into. So, I am now throwing my "Plan of Perfection" out the window. And from here...whatever happens...happens. I cannot control everything, and therefore need to quit trying to. So there... sanity somewhat retrieved!
Now time for a friggin' drink! Cheers!
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