Today I pretty much feel like a deck of cards.. a tower of cards stacked up and the slightest breeze will knock me down. The last few days have just been a barrage of bad news. It's actually only been a couple things, but at the point I am at, which is emotionally fragile, they all seem like big things.
My windshield wiper "transmission" has to be replaced and that basically means I can't drive anywhere if there is condensation or any sort of precipitation. So in the midst of all the errands and things I need to get done..I'm grounded. Stuck. They of course did not have the part, and to get a new one is around $250. (For ONE freaking wiper not working! The other one is FINE! Motor works. Wiper does not. ARGH.)
They are going to try a salvage yard to see if there are any used ones. But since it's Saturday, I won't know anything until Monday. I have things to do!!!!!! I think I am going to try spraying some rain-x on my windshield and just go for it anyway. If I have to pull over and wipe off my windshield then I guess that's what I'll do. I am stir crazy as it is, and knowing I'll be stuck here for two days with my to-do list sitting stagnant will drive me insane.
On top of that, I missed an event I wanted to go to for my class yesterday. We still have time to attend another event, but the one I really wanted to go to was yesterday, about a half hour after my windshield wiper broke. So that was a very unwelcome detour.
My soldier wasn't feeling well yesterday, and today as soon as he said hello, I knew he was worse. I could just hear the sickly pain in his voice. He went to sick-call today and they said he has pneumonia, and also had 102 fever! I just wanted to cry. First of all, I hate that he is sick. Second, pneumonia scares the crap out of me because I know it can get really bad, really fast. And Third, I wish I could be there to take care of him. All I can do is tell him to feel better and take care of himself. Might as well tape me up, gag me and stick me in a closet! It is so close to his homecoming and this is definitely not in the plans... I just don't want him to get stuck in a hospital over there or something and not get to come home.
So here I am stuck with a banged up car, hemorrhaging money.. a to-do list that won't quit, and me with a thundercloud over my head feeling like I have no control over anything.... and a sick boyfriend thousands of miles away, and no one there to make him soup, put a wet wash-cloth on his forehead, take his temp, keep him hydrated, and make sure he gets better... I hate this.
I'm so tired of having negative things to say is the kicker.. I don't want to talk to anyone because I don't want to be a downer all the time. I don't want to be a negative person.. I really try to stay positive, but today I am just over it. I am angry at hitting road blocks all the time and ready for something to go smoothly. It is really hard to have car issues and be 600 miles from home, and your man is even further away. I usually have my dad, or a friend who knows somebody who can do this or that. Out here I have no one but the stranger at the car shop who plans to rob me since I wouldn't know any better, to fix something!
Wow. I hope anyone who reads this knows that I am truly not crazy! I just have to vent this stuff somewhere! I feel a bit like Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire when he leaves the office and is like "Don't worry.. I'm not gonna what you all think I'm gonna do and.. (wildly flails arms and legs) just flip out!"
Haha.. that made me laugh anyway! (see this link if you have no idea what I'm talking about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7Iq6lOSoPM )
And I am just going to have faith in my soldier that he will take care of himself, and not try to push it. I know how he is and likes to always be on top of things.. but I did the finger shake thing at him today and told him to take it easy and get better! So he better listen!
It'll all be okay.. I just want it to be perfect. That is the issue I so frequently run into. So, I am now throwing my "Plan of Perfection" out the window. And from here...whatever happens...happens. I cannot control everything, and therefore need to quit trying to. So there... sanity somewhat retrieved!
Now time for a friggin' drink! Cheers!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Day Sixty-Eight.
Well today was almost a complete bust! It wasn't too bad I guess. It sleeted all morning, then while I was in class it dumped a couple inches of snow, and continued snowing throughout the evening! So my trip home took about an hour longer than it usually does and the roads were horrible!
My soldier had to pull guard duty tonight after his regular shift (well, his night...my morning!) So we didn't get to talk this morning. I had a short message on facebook from him and that was it. That's okay though, I was glad to at least know why he wasn't on-line and not have to worry.
I found myself thinking this morning.. I have really let my guard down recently as far as thinking he is safe.. I mean, just because he is on the "home-stretch" doesn't mean that he is safe. That probably sounds awful to talk or think about.. but I don't like to let my guard down like that. Maybe I am just having more faith that everything can and will be okay..? Like, we've made it this far..so surely the rest will be smooth sailing. I found myself checking the headlines about Iraq today after he hadn't got on-line at the usual time. I am nervous because tomorrow is some kind of "day of rage" for protesting. Apparently other world protests have inspired the Iraqis. I just wish all of our troops would come home and be safe asap! I can't wait to have him safe and sound back in my arms....
My soldier had to pull guard duty tonight after his regular shift (well, his night...my morning!) So we didn't get to talk this morning. I had a short message on facebook from him and that was it. That's okay though, I was glad to at least know why he wasn't on-line and not have to worry.
I found myself thinking this morning.. I have really let my guard down recently as far as thinking he is safe.. I mean, just because he is on the "home-stretch" doesn't mean that he is safe. That probably sounds awful to talk or think about.. but I don't like to let my guard down like that. Maybe I am just having more faith that everything can and will be okay..? Like, we've made it this far..so surely the rest will be smooth sailing. I found myself checking the headlines about Iraq today after he hadn't got on-line at the usual time. I am nervous because tomorrow is some kind of "day of rage" for protesting. Apparently other world protests have inspired the Iraqis. I just wish all of our troops would come home and be safe asap! I can't wait to have him safe and sound back in my arms....
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Day Sixty-Six & Sixty-Seven.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011 & Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I was really missing my soldier yesterday. I subscribe to Netflix, so I watched a few episodes of Army Wives and let myself cry a bit. It's strange to feel that "connection" with T.V. characters, that you feel like they are going through the same thing, and you know how they "feel." Even though, you know that really they are regular people.. But it does help sometimes, so I'll take it!
There was one episode where they had a going away ceremony and a bunch of the guys deployed. Although it was bringing back all those feelings from the first day, it was still somewhat therapeutic.
I know I shouldn't be, but I have been thinking about the next deployment. We lucked out this time around and he had a short deployment. After his 18 month home stay, he will most likely be deployed to Afghanistan for a year. This of course depends on the world events between now and then. Maybe some miracle will occur and things will be at peace for a while.....
I swear I will want to pack up my stuff and go with him. I just don't know why they send them for SO long. I'm sure for efficiency sake, but geez. Anyway, I need not think about that right now. He hasn't even gotten home from this deployment yet and I'm already thinking of the next one! I'm not the only one though. I know it is on the minds of the other ladies, especially the ones with children.
It sounds like my soldier will only have a couple more days of scheduled duties, then it will be waiting for a couple weeks to come home. They will only be reporting for formation in the morning and then pretty much released for the day. This is kind of a catch-22. It's nice to have "time-off" but when it's this close to coming home, having long days of nothing to do makes the time go extremely slow!
It is going to fly by for me. I have a lot to do in the next couple weeks. A lot going on with school, and trying to find a dress, cleaning and organizing the house as best as possible, getting all the groceries that my soldier will be looking forward to, and of course finding the perfect outfit to be wearing the day he comes home!!! I welcome the busyness though.. I get butterflies a little thinking about what all my "to-do's" are leading up to!
It is a beautiful day here today and the sun is shining. I hope to be productive and get a lot of my to-do list checked off, and hopefully I am exhausted at the end of the day and can sleep. That is still something I struggle with. I'm sure there are a lot of contributing factors to it, but having my soldier home will surely help!
I was really missing my soldier yesterday. I subscribe to Netflix, so I watched a few episodes of Army Wives and let myself cry a bit. It's strange to feel that "connection" with T.V. characters, that you feel like they are going through the same thing, and you know how they "feel." Even though, you know that really they are regular people.. But it does help sometimes, so I'll take it!
There was one episode where they had a going away ceremony and a bunch of the guys deployed. Although it was bringing back all those feelings from the first day, it was still somewhat therapeutic.
I know I shouldn't be, but I have been thinking about the next deployment. We lucked out this time around and he had a short deployment. After his 18 month home stay, he will most likely be deployed to Afghanistan for a year. This of course depends on the world events between now and then. Maybe some miracle will occur and things will be at peace for a while.....
I swear I will want to pack up my stuff and go with him. I just don't know why they send them for SO long. I'm sure for efficiency sake, but geez. Anyway, I need not think about that right now. He hasn't even gotten home from this deployment yet and I'm already thinking of the next one! I'm not the only one though. I know it is on the minds of the other ladies, especially the ones with children.
It sounds like my soldier will only have a couple more days of scheduled duties, then it will be waiting for a couple weeks to come home. They will only be reporting for formation in the morning and then pretty much released for the day. This is kind of a catch-22. It's nice to have "time-off" but when it's this close to coming home, having long days of nothing to do makes the time go extremely slow!
It is going to fly by for me. I have a lot to do in the next couple weeks. A lot going on with school, and trying to find a dress, cleaning and organizing the house as best as possible, getting all the groceries that my soldier will be looking forward to, and of course finding the perfect outfit to be wearing the day he comes home!!! I welcome the busyness though.. I get butterflies a little thinking about what all my "to-do's" are leading up to!
It is a beautiful day here today and the sun is shining. I hope to be productive and get a lot of my to-do list checked off, and hopefully I am exhausted at the end of the day and can sleep. That is still something I struggle with. I'm sure there are a lot of contributing factors to it, but having my soldier home will surely help!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Day Sixty-Three, Sixty-Four, and Sixty-Five.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Wow, I didn't realize it had been three days! I thought I had only skipped one day.
So the last few days haven't been very exciting. I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Today I went with one of the army wives to get lab-work done, and then to breakfast. It was nice to get out and do something different.
I have been going from excited and planning for my soldier's homecoming which is less than a month away now, to feelings of severe loneliness and boredom, and everything in between!
This evening I read some of one of the books I ordered. It's called "Separated by duty, united in love." Something I took from it is to keep in mind all the reasons you miss your loved one, and remind them of how you appreciate them. For instance, all the little things that they did when they were home, or things they have done for you while deployed. (like changing the windshield wipers on the car, or picking up ginger ale when I was sick, or sending flowers for no reason but to say 'I love you') I think this sometimes gets overshadowed by the actual deployment. In my mind I often dwell on the fact that he's not here...and I am alone. But that is just a piece of it. There are so many reasons why I miss him, and there are so many things that I need to be doing to support him, if it is only to take care of myself and stay busy. I quickly lose sight of my goals when I get distracted by my feelings. I know that his biggest worry most of the time is if I'm doing okay.
So reading this book has helped me refocus on being the best I can be, on the home front. The last couple days I have really had a hard time keeping my emotions in check. But I feel some peace this evening and have regained focus!
As far as how his last few days have been.. It was really dusty there the last couple days. He took a picture of the dust in the air, and it was like clouds in the sky and the sun was barely peaking through. Between the dust and the smoke from other things burning it sounds like the air quality is pretty poor. I can't wait for him to get out of that environment.
We talked about what kind of foods he wants when he gets back home. I know my soldier loves some good food!!! So I am going to try and find some Midwest Skyline chili mix to make for him, or may have to order it on-line! It will be interesting to see how the homecoming unfolds. We have no idea what day they will be home and won't know until a couple days before, so once again, it's a bad situation for a planner type person like myself! If I don't take anything else away from being an army girlfriend/wife, it'll be flexibility and going with the flow!
Other than the weather and food, our conversations have been mostly random chit-chat. I love our conversations whether they are deep, silly, or anything in between! I just love seeing my soldier's handsome face and hearing his voice. I miss being with him in person! Some days it's hard to even imagine it.. to picture what it will actually feel like again to be in his embrace. I look at pictures sometimes and am jealous of myself in the picture, like hey, I want to be there again!!
Soon enough. In the meantime, I have to keep my head straight, stay focused and stay positive! I can do this! :)
Wow, I didn't realize it had been three days! I thought I had only skipped one day.
So the last few days haven't been very exciting. I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Today I went with one of the army wives to get lab-work done, and then to breakfast. It was nice to get out and do something different.
I have been going from excited and planning for my soldier's homecoming which is less than a month away now, to feelings of severe loneliness and boredom, and everything in between!
This evening I read some of one of the books I ordered. It's called "Separated by duty, united in love." Something I took from it is to keep in mind all the reasons you miss your loved one, and remind them of how you appreciate them. For instance, all the little things that they did when they were home, or things they have done for you while deployed. (like changing the windshield wipers on the car, or picking up ginger ale when I was sick, or sending flowers for no reason but to say 'I love you') I think this sometimes gets overshadowed by the actual deployment. In my mind I often dwell on the fact that he's not here...and I am alone. But that is just a piece of it. There are so many reasons why I miss him, and there are so many things that I need to be doing to support him, if it is only to take care of myself and stay busy. I quickly lose sight of my goals when I get distracted by my feelings. I know that his biggest worry most of the time is if I'm doing okay.
So reading this book has helped me refocus on being the best I can be, on the home front. The last couple days I have really had a hard time keeping my emotions in check. But I feel some peace this evening and have regained focus!
As far as how his last few days have been.. It was really dusty there the last couple days. He took a picture of the dust in the air, and it was like clouds in the sky and the sun was barely peaking through. Between the dust and the smoke from other things burning it sounds like the air quality is pretty poor. I can't wait for him to get out of that environment.
We talked about what kind of foods he wants when he gets back home. I know my soldier loves some good food!!! So I am going to try and find some Midwest Skyline chili mix to make for him, or may have to order it on-line! It will be interesting to see how the homecoming unfolds. We have no idea what day they will be home and won't know until a couple days before, so once again, it's a bad situation for a planner type person like myself! If I don't take anything else away from being an army girlfriend/wife, it'll be flexibility and going with the flow!
Other than the weather and food, our conversations have been mostly random chit-chat. I love our conversations whether they are deep, silly, or anything in between! I just love seeing my soldier's handsome face and hearing his voice. I miss being with him in person! Some days it's hard to even imagine it.. to picture what it will actually feel like again to be in his embrace. I look at pictures sometimes and am jealous of myself in the picture, like hey, I want to be there again!!
Soon enough. In the meantime, I have to keep my head straight, stay focused and stay positive! I can do this! :)
Friday, February 18, 2011
Day Sixty One & Sixty Two.
I had a fun day today shopping for dresses with one of the Army spouses. I am beat! It's been a long time since I've spent six hours shopping!!! We had a lot of laughs, it was a good time!
Yesterday was pretty good during the day. I had class, which went well, but I needed to zone out in the evening and get my mind to settle down. I was really anxious again before bedtime, and noises kept waking me up all night so I didn't sleep well. I really hope I can sleep better tonight. I could us a good nights sleep!
I talked to my honey yesterday and today. We got to chat a long time today, it was really nice!
He said they had to give tours to the new people arriving. They showed them around the base and what to expect and such. It sounds like his unit will stepping aside to let the new people take over and they will be more or less supervising for a while. So it may be a little boring I'm sure. He said he may run out of movies to watch by the time he gets to come home! Poor guy! I wish there was more to keep them entertained. It seems like it would be a continuous episode of "Groundhogs Day" doing the some things all the time. At least they get rotated to different "stations" while they are there.
I was so excited to get him a little present while I was shopping today! I know he is probably tired or wearing ACU's and PT's all the time, so I got him an outfit so he'll have something different and new to wear when he gets home. I'd like to have a little gift bag for him when he gets home... a little something special.
It was so nice to get out and about today. It's great come home and really be tired and physically exhausted, as odd as that may sound. It's been a while since I have had that feeling. I am ready to get comfy and head to bed, and have sweet dreams about my soldier!
Yesterday was pretty good during the day. I had class, which went well, but I needed to zone out in the evening and get my mind to settle down. I was really anxious again before bedtime, and noises kept waking me up all night so I didn't sleep well. I really hope I can sleep better tonight. I could us a good nights sleep!
I talked to my honey yesterday and today. We got to chat a long time today, it was really nice!
He said they had to give tours to the new people arriving. They showed them around the base and what to expect and such. It sounds like his unit will stepping aside to let the new people take over and they will be more or less supervising for a while. So it may be a little boring I'm sure. He said he may run out of movies to watch by the time he gets to come home! Poor guy! I wish there was more to keep them entertained. It seems like it would be a continuous episode of "Groundhogs Day" doing the some things all the time. At least they get rotated to different "stations" while they are there.
I was so excited to get him a little present while I was shopping today! I know he is probably tired or wearing ACU's and PT's all the time, so I got him an outfit so he'll have something different and new to wear when he gets home. I'd like to have a little gift bag for him when he gets home... a little something special.
It was so nice to get out and about today. It's great come home and really be tired and physically exhausted, as odd as that may sound. It's been a while since I have had that feeling. I am ready to get comfy and head to bed, and have sweet dreams about my soldier!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Day Fifty-Nine & Sixty.
I wasn't up to blogging yesterday, so I didn't. No particular reason really. It just felt like a chore, and I don't want this to be a chore. So when something I typically enjoy becomes a chore, it's time to take a break.
I chatted with my soldier yesterday. He had quite an eventful day yesterday, so he did most of the talking. He worked at the FARP and it was really super busy. In the midst of all the busyness, something very valuable was dropped, and so this created more events to complicate the day. I don't want to share too many details, but it was due to someone's mistake basically and therefore some heads were rolling!
He was glad to be done with the day for sure, and somewhat glad he doesn't have to report back to the FARP for another couple weeks.
I haven't slept well for the past couple nights. It's been a mix of anxiousness from things going on "back home" and restlessness being alone at night. It's strange how I can be just fine for days or weeks, and then bam, I'm back to square one again! I've been trying to remedy my anxiety and force myself to sleep in bed, because more than likely, I won't sleep any better out on the couch.
I was pretty productive today. I woke up early, first due to the massive headache I had, and second because my mind was already mulling over what I could do, or what could be done to help with the home situation. It is tough being this far away from home and not being able to help. It is a first for me and leaves me with a nagging feeling of helplessness. But I can only do what I can do, and have to release myself from the weight of things I can do nothing about. This is still a work in progress.
Since I woke up so early, I was able to workout and shower and fix my hair pretty for my chat with my boyfriend! I'm sure he appreciates that, since half the time I've barely gotten out of bed.
It was a much more relaxing day for him today, so I was happy to hear that. He was back at one of the "shops" which is much less intense than the FARP. Tomorrow he is at the Walker Center for his 12 hour shift. I keep forgetting that he is on 12 hour shifts now.
I was just imagining what our drive home from the company will be like after I pick him up! Having him in the same car, the same state, even the same country will be SO great I can't even put into words!!!!
Hoping to sleep well tonight.. and wishing my soldier sweet dreams as well...
I chatted with my soldier yesterday. He had quite an eventful day yesterday, so he did most of the talking. He worked at the FARP and it was really super busy. In the midst of all the busyness, something very valuable was dropped, and so this created more events to complicate the day. I don't want to share too many details, but it was due to someone's mistake basically and therefore some heads were rolling!
He was glad to be done with the day for sure, and somewhat glad he doesn't have to report back to the FARP for another couple weeks.
I haven't slept well for the past couple nights. It's been a mix of anxiousness from things going on "back home" and restlessness being alone at night. It's strange how I can be just fine for days or weeks, and then bam, I'm back to square one again! I've been trying to remedy my anxiety and force myself to sleep in bed, because more than likely, I won't sleep any better out on the couch.
I was pretty productive today. I woke up early, first due to the massive headache I had, and second because my mind was already mulling over what I could do, or what could be done to help with the home situation. It is tough being this far away from home and not being able to help. It is a first for me and leaves me with a nagging feeling of helplessness. But I can only do what I can do, and have to release myself from the weight of things I can do nothing about. This is still a work in progress.
Since I woke up so early, I was able to workout and shower and fix my hair pretty for my chat with my boyfriend! I'm sure he appreciates that, since half the time I've barely gotten out of bed.
It was a much more relaxing day for him today, so I was happy to hear that. He was back at one of the "shops" which is much less intense than the FARP. Tomorrow he is at the Walker Center for his 12 hour shift. I keep forgetting that he is on 12 hour shifts now.
I was just imagining what our drive home from the company will be like after I pick him up! Having him in the same car, the same state, even the same country will be SO great I can't even put into words!!!!
Hoping to sleep well tonight.. and wishing my soldier sweet dreams as well...
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Day Fifty-Eight.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Only four minutes left of Valentine's Day.
I really wasn't concerned with the Valentine's Day "hoop-lah" this year. I knew that I wouldn't get to be with my boyfriend, but I wasn't that disappointed really. I just don't put Valentine's Day up on the pedestal of significant holidays. It's fun and can be romantic, but it doesn't have to be extravagant for it to be special, for me anyway. I know there are plenty of people that expect jewelry and pricey dinners and such.
That being said, I DID get a dozen roses, and some Godiva chocolates delivered to me today!! I was really surprised to get such a nice treat and thought it was really sweet and special that he did that. I really didn't expect him to go to that trouble, but it sure does make a girl feel special.
Last year he got to come home from AIT on leave for a four-day weekend, due to President's Day. So we got to spend Valentine's Day together. It was fun and romantic. I made dinner and had bought a heart-shaped ice cream cake, and also make dark chocolate fondue with bananas and strawberries!! I just keep thinking about how much fun that weekend was and can't wait until he comes home so we can keep making those fun and special memories.
I did get to chat with my soldier-valentine today. He had kind of a crazy day yesterday. He had to help another unit again, and then was released so he went back to his Chu only to be called back in an hour later. Tomorrow, well actually in Iraq time, he is probably there now... but anyway, he is at the FARP and has to work a 12 hour shift. I guess they can't get released early from the FARP because there are buses that pick them up and drop them off. So it'll be a long day for him. I hope I get a chance to talk to him tomorrow. He will be calling later, and I have class, so we'll see. Today he said that he boxed up his love and sent it to me, so to check the mailbox. I thought he was just being cute and silly, or that maybe he sent me a card or something, but apparently he was hinting at the flowers! Such a sweetie!
Tonight I had dinner with two of the Army spouses, and one that's a girl-friend like me. We all got flowers from our guys today. They must have had a pow-wow to make sure everyone sent flowers!
One thing is for sure, this is a really great group of guys and ladies that I've met here. I am anxious for the guys to get home and we can do group things and really feel complete. Right now we all have a piece of us missing.
Only four minutes left of Valentine's Day.
I really wasn't concerned with the Valentine's Day "hoop-lah" this year. I knew that I wouldn't get to be with my boyfriend, but I wasn't that disappointed really. I just don't put Valentine's Day up on the pedestal of significant holidays. It's fun and can be romantic, but it doesn't have to be extravagant for it to be special, for me anyway. I know there are plenty of people that expect jewelry and pricey dinners and such.
That being said, I DID get a dozen roses, and some Godiva chocolates delivered to me today!! I was really surprised to get such a nice treat and thought it was really sweet and special that he did that. I really didn't expect him to go to that trouble, but it sure does make a girl feel special.
Last year he got to come home from AIT on leave for a four-day weekend, due to President's Day. So we got to spend Valentine's Day together. It was fun and romantic. I made dinner and had bought a heart-shaped ice cream cake, and also make dark chocolate fondue with bananas and strawberries!! I just keep thinking about how much fun that weekend was and can't wait until he comes home so we can keep making those fun and special memories.
I did get to chat with my soldier-valentine today. He had kind of a crazy day yesterday. He had to help another unit again, and then was released so he went back to his Chu only to be called back in an hour later. Tomorrow, well actually in Iraq time, he is probably there now... but anyway, he is at the FARP and has to work a 12 hour shift. I guess they can't get released early from the FARP because there are buses that pick them up and drop them off. So it'll be a long day for him. I hope I get a chance to talk to him tomorrow. He will be calling later, and I have class, so we'll see. Today he said that he boxed up his love and sent it to me, so to check the mailbox. I thought he was just being cute and silly, or that maybe he sent me a card or something, but apparently he was hinting at the flowers! Such a sweetie!
Tonight I had dinner with two of the Army spouses, and one that's a girl-friend like me. We all got flowers from our guys today. They must have had a pow-wow to make sure everyone sent flowers!
One thing is for sure, this is a really great group of guys and ladies that I've met here. I am anxious for the guys to get home and we can do group things and really feel complete. Right now we all have a piece of us missing.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Day Fifty-Six and Fifty-Seven
The last few days have been somewhat uneventful, in the day to day at least. I've done the usual cleaning and working out, and reading for class. The weather has warmed up and the sun has been shining. I wish there were some fun out-doorsy things to do around here.
I had barely gotten out of bed yesterday when I got my Skype call. He was still happy to see me, with my bed head and all! There wasn't much exciting going on overseas either. My soldier was "borrowed" to help out another unit yesterday and pretty much swept all day. Today he showed me some neat rocks he found. (not a lot else there that is too impressive!)
We didn't get to talk very long this morning before our internet connection fizzled out. It slowed way down, and the audio and video were really choppy then the next thing I know, he's gone. So that was a bummer. I waited a little while to see if he got back on-line, but didn't get any email or facebook messages. I'm assuming the connection in the Chu went sour. Hopefully it will be back up and running tomorrow. I would at least like to wish my honey a Happy Valentine's Day!
It's been a rough day couple days for me. There are just some things going on back home and I can't do anything to help but listen over the phone. I did talk to one of my best friends tonight so that was a big help. I really miss being around the people who know me so well, and who I know and trust. I think it is harder to make friends as you get older. Having all this life experience under one's belt, makes a person more skeptical of who is a genuine person and who isn't...who can you trust with your inner most thoughts and insecurities, who will really be there when things hit the fan? I do feel blessed that there are at least people in my life, albeit miles and miles away, that I can pour my soul out to, and that I would trust with my life. Without people like that, I don't know what I would do.
It will sure be nice when I have my "someone" back in my arms. I am missing those hugs!
I had barely gotten out of bed yesterday when I got my Skype call. He was still happy to see me, with my bed head and all! There wasn't much exciting going on overseas either. My soldier was "borrowed" to help out another unit yesterday and pretty much swept all day. Today he showed me some neat rocks he found. (not a lot else there that is too impressive!)
We didn't get to talk very long this morning before our internet connection fizzled out. It slowed way down, and the audio and video were really choppy then the next thing I know, he's gone. So that was a bummer. I waited a little while to see if he got back on-line, but didn't get any email or facebook messages. I'm assuming the connection in the Chu went sour. Hopefully it will be back up and running tomorrow. I would at least like to wish my honey a Happy Valentine's Day!
It's been a rough day couple days for me. There are just some things going on back home and I can't do anything to help but listen over the phone. I did talk to one of my best friends tonight so that was a big help. I really miss being around the people who know me so well, and who I know and trust. I think it is harder to make friends as you get older. Having all this life experience under one's belt, makes a person more skeptical of who is a genuine person and who isn't...who can you trust with your inner most thoughts and insecurities, who will really be there when things hit the fan? I do feel blessed that there are at least people in my life, albeit miles and miles away, that I can pour my soul out to, and that I would trust with my life. Without people like that, I don't know what I would do.
It will sure be nice when I have my "someone" back in my arms. I am missing those hugs!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Day Fifty-Five.
Friday February 11, 2011
It's been a pretty uneventful day today. I've done some portfolio work for school, got my tax information together, and did some cleaning around the house. But otherwise it's been a restful day, which I felt like I needed after spinning my wheels all week.
I talked to my soldier this morning, earlier than usual. I almost missed him. I was just checking my email real quick before taking a shower and his call came through! He didn't sleep yesterday after we got off the phone, he stayed up all night and all day, so he was exhausted. He had to switch over to day shift and had to be up in the morning so he didn't want to chance over sleeping. We only chatted for a few minutes. He was pretty much talking with his eyes closed, poor thing!
His arm was still hurting from the anthrax shot. I'm sure he will sleep like a rock when he gets off work today! They are supposedly going to be working 12 hour shifts now, but he says they should be getting off early. I hope so. Between switching shifts, and working 12 hours shifts, he is going to be so exhausted. I wish there was something I could do to help him. I just can't wait for him to be home so I can baby him and make him feel better when he doesn't feel up to par like this.
He is just so sweet. I was just rambling on and on about the play I saw last night, and what I did and he was still listening intently and asking questions and chatting with me, even though he was exhausted!
Speaking of being tired, I need to go to bed soon. Another day down!
It's been a pretty uneventful day today. I've done some portfolio work for school, got my tax information together, and did some cleaning around the house. But otherwise it's been a restful day, which I felt like I needed after spinning my wheels all week.
I talked to my soldier this morning, earlier than usual. I almost missed him. I was just checking my email real quick before taking a shower and his call came through! He didn't sleep yesterday after we got off the phone, he stayed up all night and all day, so he was exhausted. He had to switch over to day shift and had to be up in the morning so he didn't want to chance over sleeping. We only chatted for a few minutes. He was pretty much talking with his eyes closed, poor thing!
His arm was still hurting from the anthrax shot. I'm sure he will sleep like a rock when he gets off work today! They are supposedly going to be working 12 hour shifts now, but he says they should be getting off early. I hope so. Between switching shifts, and working 12 hours shifts, he is going to be so exhausted. I wish there was something I could do to help him. I just can't wait for him to be home so I can baby him and make him feel better when he doesn't feel up to par like this.
He is just so sweet. I was just rambling on and on about the play I saw last night, and what I did and he was still listening intently and asking questions and chatting with me, even though he was exhausted!
Speaking of being tired, I need to go to bed soon. Another day down!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Day Fifty-Four.
Thursday February 10, 2011
It's been a long day, but good. I started out with a major headache, borderline migraine, but with massive amounts of caffeine and excedrine, it was nearly gone by class time. I think as a result of all that caffeine, I am now wide awake at nearly one in the morning!
I was a little grumpy today during my chat with my soldier. I tried not to be, but my head just hurt so bad. I was actually wearing my sunglasses around the house this morning. He was really sweet though and tried to make me feel better. He had to get a booster Anthrax shot today, so his arm was hurting. So we both had 'ouchies' today. I felt bad for him because I know how much it was hurting when he had to get the shot before he left and he had trouble sleeping because of it.
He is off work tonight and was planning to just chill out at the Walker Center for computer and t.v. time. Apparently they are going to be switching all of his unit to the day shift in the next day or so. So he will have to readjust yet again. Then, once he gets home he will have to readjust once again! I wish he was staying on night shift, because as it is now, he and I sleep during the same time. Due to the time difference, we are both sleeping at night "U.S." time. Oh well, not much he can do about it.
After class today I met one of the Army spouses at Hobby Lobby and looked around a bit, then we had dinner and went to a play on campus. (one that I'm required to attend for my class) It was a nice time. Not sure if I was really too impressed with the play, but it was entertaining at least.
As I was driving home and passed the army base I got excited about the homecoming. Realizing that it really isn't that far off now, and that soon I'll really have my soldier home in my arms! I felt like I was "home" again in that moment. That things are coming together and the pieces are starting to fall back into place. I wish I could bottle that feeling up and open it on days I'm feeling down. But for now, I'll just try to relish in the comfort of that moment and enjoy!!
It's been a long day, but good. I started out with a major headache, borderline migraine, but with massive amounts of caffeine and excedrine, it was nearly gone by class time. I think as a result of all that caffeine, I am now wide awake at nearly one in the morning!
I was a little grumpy today during my chat with my soldier. I tried not to be, but my head just hurt so bad. I was actually wearing my sunglasses around the house this morning. He was really sweet though and tried to make me feel better. He had to get a booster Anthrax shot today, so his arm was hurting. So we both had 'ouchies' today. I felt bad for him because I know how much it was hurting when he had to get the shot before he left and he had trouble sleeping because of it.
He is off work tonight and was planning to just chill out at the Walker Center for computer and t.v. time. Apparently they are going to be switching all of his unit to the day shift in the next day or so. So he will have to readjust yet again. Then, once he gets home he will have to readjust once again! I wish he was staying on night shift, because as it is now, he and I sleep during the same time. Due to the time difference, we are both sleeping at night "U.S." time. Oh well, not much he can do about it.
After class today I met one of the Army spouses at Hobby Lobby and looked around a bit, then we had dinner and went to a play on campus. (one that I'm required to attend for my class) It was a nice time. Not sure if I was really too impressed with the play, but it was entertaining at least.
As I was driving home and passed the army base I got excited about the homecoming. Realizing that it really isn't that far off now, and that soon I'll really have my soldier home in my arms! I felt like I was "home" again in that moment. That things are coming together and the pieces are starting to fall back into place. I wish I could bottle that feeling up and open it on days I'm feeling down. But for now, I'll just try to relish in the comfort of that moment and enjoy!!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Day Fifty-Three.
I am stirring in my own skin tonight. I am just ready for life to feel complete again. I'm tired of the 'half-empty' feeling I get, usually in the evenings when I'm winding down and thinking about the next day to come.
My honey and I had a really nice chat today. We laughed and talked about light-hearted topics. We actually did get to chat last night before I went to bed. That was nice too, getting to talk before going to sleep. We were both laying in bed "next to" each other, just like at home. I panned the camera around the bedroom so he could see that it was pretty much the same. He showed me how bright it was in his Chu (since it was daytime there) and why he has a hard time sleeping.
He took his camera to work yesterday and took some pictures of the landscape and also got a video of one of the helicopters flying in. I'll be anxious to see all his pictures and videos! He has a day off I think tomorrow night. He sounds about like me when it comes to "free time" right now. It's a little boring and less than fulfilling.
I wish I had more to write. Sometimes it's hard to express some days in words. It just feels like I have the same set of emotions that are always on repeat. Happy and hopeful, sad and lonely, wistful and starry-eyed, ambitious and driven, longing and love sick...Most of which I experience within a days time!! Not that I don't usually have a wide variety of emotions in normal situations, but I can at least do more about them at the time. It is a very helpless feeling some days, to know there is nothing I can do but count days. I can make the most of my days, and I do try to do that. But at the end of the day, it doesn't change the fact that the apartment is only occupied by me and the cat.
It is amazing how much one person can make such a huge difference in one's life, even in the smallest ways.
My honey and I had a really nice chat today. We laughed and talked about light-hearted topics. We actually did get to chat last night before I went to bed. That was nice too, getting to talk before going to sleep. We were both laying in bed "next to" each other, just like at home. I panned the camera around the bedroom so he could see that it was pretty much the same. He showed me how bright it was in his Chu (since it was daytime there) and why he has a hard time sleeping.
He took his camera to work yesterday and took some pictures of the landscape and also got a video of one of the helicopters flying in. I'll be anxious to see all his pictures and videos! He has a day off I think tomorrow night. He sounds about like me when it comes to "free time" right now. It's a little boring and less than fulfilling.
I wish I had more to write. Sometimes it's hard to express some days in words. It just feels like I have the same set of emotions that are always on repeat. Happy and hopeful, sad and lonely, wistful and starry-eyed, ambitious and driven, longing and love sick...Most of which I experience within a days time!! Not that I don't usually have a wide variety of emotions in normal situations, but I can at least do more about them at the time. It is a very helpless feeling some days, to know there is nothing I can do but count days. I can make the most of my days, and I do try to do that. But at the end of the day, it doesn't change the fact that the apartment is only occupied by me and the cat.
It is amazing how much one person can make such a huge difference in one's life, even in the smallest ways.
Day Fifty-Two.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
It was a snowy and blustery day here today. I started the day out with a migraine, and am ending it with a touch of a headache. I had class today and almost skipped it due to the weather and my headache. While I waited for my soldier to call me, I ended up taking about a 40 minute nap and felt at least well enough to get up and get moving, so I bundled up and headed to class.
The roads were slick and snowy, and the places where it wasn't snowy, the wind blew the snow around on the road like white wispy snakes. It was almost hypnotizing on the interstate. The wind whipped the snow in my face as I walked around on campus and chilled me to the bone! I am so ready for winter to be over. We probably have two-foot drifts outside our apartment right now. I'm not sure if it's still snowing or if it's just the wind blowing it around, but it is quite a wintery scene out there!
Well, I got a nap, but I didn't get to talk to my soldier. I got a message later from him that he slept in today. He is going to try and call tonight, probably any time now, if he is able to. So I am trying to stay up for a little while longer. It is hard to always be waiting for a call. I am always glad to talk to my soldier, don't get me wrong, but it is hard to be on-call, just waiting. It is kind of like waiting for a bus at a bus stop, and the bus is supposed to come sometime between 11am and 2pm... and there is a coffee shop there on the corner, and you want coffee but you know as soon as you run in to get a cup, you'll see the bus pulling away and it won't be back until tomorrow... But since that bus takes you to a lovely place and makes you happy.. you don't want to miss it, and you'll never, ever skip out on waiting for it. Sigh.
So hopefully I'll hear something soon. It's always nice to talk to him before bedtime!
It was a snowy and blustery day here today. I started the day out with a migraine, and am ending it with a touch of a headache. I had class today and almost skipped it due to the weather and my headache. While I waited for my soldier to call me, I ended up taking about a 40 minute nap and felt at least well enough to get up and get moving, so I bundled up and headed to class.
The roads were slick and snowy, and the places where it wasn't snowy, the wind blew the snow around on the road like white wispy snakes. It was almost hypnotizing on the interstate. The wind whipped the snow in my face as I walked around on campus and chilled me to the bone! I am so ready for winter to be over. We probably have two-foot drifts outside our apartment right now. I'm not sure if it's still snowing or if it's just the wind blowing it around, but it is quite a wintery scene out there!
Well, I got a nap, but I didn't get to talk to my soldier. I got a message later from him that he slept in today. He is going to try and call tonight, probably any time now, if he is able to. So I am trying to stay up for a little while longer. It is hard to always be waiting for a call. I am always glad to talk to my soldier, don't get me wrong, but it is hard to be on-call, just waiting. It is kind of like waiting for a bus at a bus stop, and the bus is supposed to come sometime between 11am and 2pm... and there is a coffee shop there on the corner, and you want coffee but you know as soon as you run in to get a cup, you'll see the bus pulling away and it won't be back until tomorrow... But since that bus takes you to a lovely place and makes you happy.. you don't want to miss it, and you'll never, ever skip out on waiting for it. Sigh.
So hopefully I'll hear something soon. It's always nice to talk to him before bedtime!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Day Fifty-One.
I'm floating on cloud nine tonight. I've been thinking about the homecoming...which is still over a month away, but still. I am the type of person who likes to have things planned out, so I've been making a list of things to do in the next month, and things I want to have ready, or ideas I have for homecoming surprises, like what meal to have ready in the crock-pot so we can have dinner ready when he comes home!
I got to video chat today with my soldier. He did get to watch the Super Bowl, and he got his two beers today, after he woke up. So he basically had beer with his breakfast, since he's on night shift. He drank them on an empty stomach, and it's been over a month since he's had even a sip of alcohol, so I bet he was feeling pretty good. He did have a big grin on his face today. So cute!
We've been on a kick talking about the "zombie apocalypse," which is a big thing to talk about in the Army apparently. But anyway, we have been talking about various things that we would need, etc, and he had found some interesting info. So that was a big part of our conversation today. We also just chatted about our phone service (which has horrible reception here) and little things like that.
I really need to get my schedule adjusted back to what a normal person's schedule resembles. I know he will be adjusting when he gets back too, but I don't want to be so out of whack that I am tired all the time. (like I am now anyway) If given the opportunity, I turn into a night owl and my sleep cycle gets flipped around. Although I actually enjoy the flipped schedule, it doesn't mesh well with the rest of the world most days.
I have had a few strange moments of realization of being alone recently. I will be carrying out my day as normal, and then I will get an overwhelming feeling of "alone-ness" come over me. It usually only lasts a few minutes, and I am then shaking it off and continuing my day. It's the feeling of being alone I had early on in the deployment, however then it was a constant and the feeling normal moments were more rare. It still takes a conscious effort to stay distracted and not focus on any of the bad or scary feelings, and only on the positive, happy feelings. Some days that takes more effort than others.. thankfully today has been easier than most, I welcome the relief.
I got to video chat today with my soldier. He did get to watch the Super Bowl, and he got his two beers today, after he woke up. So he basically had beer with his breakfast, since he's on night shift. He drank them on an empty stomach, and it's been over a month since he's had even a sip of alcohol, so I bet he was feeling pretty good. He did have a big grin on his face today. So cute!
We've been on a kick talking about the "zombie apocalypse," which is a big thing to talk about in the Army apparently. But anyway, we have been talking about various things that we would need, etc, and he had found some interesting info. So that was a big part of our conversation today. We also just chatted about our phone service (which has horrible reception here) and little things like that.
I really need to get my schedule adjusted back to what a normal person's schedule resembles. I know he will be adjusting when he gets back too, but I don't want to be so out of whack that I am tired all the time. (like I am now anyway) If given the opportunity, I turn into a night owl and my sleep cycle gets flipped around. Although I actually enjoy the flipped schedule, it doesn't mesh well with the rest of the world most days.
I have had a few strange moments of realization of being alone recently. I will be carrying out my day as normal, and then I will get an overwhelming feeling of "alone-ness" come over me. It usually only lasts a few minutes, and I am then shaking it off and continuing my day. It's the feeling of being alone I had early on in the deployment, however then it was a constant and the feeling normal moments were more rare. It still takes a conscious effort to stay distracted and not focus on any of the bad or scary feelings, and only on the positive, happy feelings. Some days that takes more effort than others.. thankfully today has been easier than most, I welcome the relief.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Day Fifty.
Wow, Fifty Days! Just seems like a big number!
Well I didn't get to talk to my soldier but for a minute today. He called my cell as I was getting ready so I couldn't really talk. He tried calling back, but for some reason it wouldn't let him through. He may try and Skype when he gets off work tonight, but I'm not sure if he'll be able to, or when that will be. If not, we'll just chat tomorrow.
I'm excited to hear if he got to watch any of the Super Bowl or not. They are usually allotted two beers on super bowl day, so I bet that is a nice treat!!!
Today I went to the birthday party at Chuck-e-Cheese. It was fun to play a couple games, and see the kids having so much fun! We did a little shopping after but I didn't shop long. I wasn't feeling the best and knew I had an hour drive back home. I ended up laying down and taking a nap during the first half of the game. I feel a little better now.
It is always nice spending time with the other ladies, and talking about our guys and how excited we all are for them to be home!
Well I didn't get to talk to my soldier but for a minute today. He called my cell as I was getting ready so I couldn't really talk. He tried calling back, but for some reason it wouldn't let him through. He may try and Skype when he gets off work tonight, but I'm not sure if he'll be able to, or when that will be. If not, we'll just chat tomorrow.
I'm excited to hear if he got to watch any of the Super Bowl or not. They are usually allotted two beers on super bowl day, so I bet that is a nice treat!!!
Today I went to the birthday party at Chuck-e-Cheese. It was fun to play a couple games, and see the kids having so much fun! We did a little shopping after but I didn't shop long. I wasn't feeling the best and knew I had an hour drive back home. I ended up laying down and taking a nap during the first half of the game. I feel a little better now.
It is always nice spending time with the other ladies, and talking about our guys and how excited we all are for them to be home!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Day Forty-Nine.
Starting to feel like we are on the "home stretch" now!!
I have a countdown going on my fridge for when my soldier is scheduled to leave Iraq!! I am so glad to know that he'll be on his way home soon!
There are so many things to look forward to when he gets back! We are planning to make it "official" by going to the courthouse about a week after he gets back, so I am starting to think of the little things I need to do (like dress shop!) for that. Also the Ball for the company is in April, so I need to find a dress for that as well!! This is exciting, but also a somewhat daunting task for me! I am not the best shopper, but it will be fun for these kinds of events!
My boyfriend and I missed each other on Skype today. He was on early, and I got on later. Our calls have been progressively later and later, so I decided not to sit and wait for an hour before he got on today. Of course this is the one day he gets on early! Oh well, what can you do? I actually thought he was oversleeping again or something. It drives me crazy that I can't call or text to wake him up!
I decided to start my reading for school once I figured we weren't going to get to talk. I usually shut down Skype and E-mail, but for some reason I didn't today. A couple hours later, I see my honey log-in to Skype! He was working at the Walker Center (computer/media center) today and was able to get a web-cam so we could chat. That was such a nice surprise. We didn't get to chat long, but it was still good to chat regardless.
He was telling me about a practical joke he played on one of the other guys there. I guess they have to do something to keep it light and break up the monotony of it all! Nothing wrong with a little good clean fun.
I had a much better day today than I did yesterday, even though once again I slept horribly. I am going to bed here soon. I didn't take a nap today, although my reading nearly put me to sleep and I wanted nothing more than to close the book, and my eyes.
Tomorrow I am attending a birthday party for one of the spouse's sons. It should be a fun time, and will also give me a break from my own monotony. I may not get to talk to my soldier though because of having to leave so early, and I believe he has a meeting, so our schedules don't match up very well. I will miss chatting, but it's good to know ahead of time so I can prepare myself a bit.
I feel a renewed sense of strength today. I don't know how or why this happens. I seem to just have many hills and valleys with my emotions. I suppose after feeling so low the last few days, that a hill was bound to be on the horizon. It feels good. I like to be strong and confident, not only for myself, but for my soldier. I know it is hard for him to see me at my lows when he is so far away and cannot do anything about it.. I try not to let it show too much. I don't want to worry him or make him feel bad. All he needs to be worried about is staying safe and coming home!
I have a countdown going on my fridge for when my soldier is scheduled to leave Iraq!! I am so glad to know that he'll be on his way home soon!
There are so many things to look forward to when he gets back! We are planning to make it "official" by going to the courthouse about a week after he gets back, so I am starting to think of the little things I need to do (like dress shop!) for that. Also the Ball for the company is in April, so I need to find a dress for that as well!! This is exciting, but also a somewhat daunting task for me! I am not the best shopper, but it will be fun for these kinds of events!
My boyfriend and I missed each other on Skype today. He was on early, and I got on later. Our calls have been progressively later and later, so I decided not to sit and wait for an hour before he got on today. Of course this is the one day he gets on early! Oh well, what can you do? I actually thought he was oversleeping again or something. It drives me crazy that I can't call or text to wake him up!
I decided to start my reading for school once I figured we weren't going to get to talk. I usually shut down Skype and E-mail, but for some reason I didn't today. A couple hours later, I see my honey log-in to Skype! He was working at the Walker Center (computer/media center) today and was able to get a web-cam so we could chat. That was such a nice surprise. We didn't get to chat long, but it was still good to chat regardless.
He was telling me about a practical joke he played on one of the other guys there. I guess they have to do something to keep it light and break up the monotony of it all! Nothing wrong with a little good clean fun.
I had a much better day today than I did yesterday, even though once again I slept horribly. I am going to bed here soon. I didn't take a nap today, although my reading nearly put me to sleep and I wanted nothing more than to close the book, and my eyes.
Tomorrow I am attending a birthday party for one of the spouse's sons. It should be a fun time, and will also give me a break from my own monotony. I may not get to talk to my soldier though because of having to leave so early, and I believe he has a meeting, so our schedules don't match up very well. I will miss chatting, but it's good to know ahead of time so I can prepare myself a bit.
I feel a renewed sense of strength today. I don't know how or why this happens. I seem to just have many hills and valleys with my emotions. I suppose after feeling so low the last few days, that a hill was bound to be on the horizon. It feels good. I like to be strong and confident, not only for myself, but for my soldier. I know it is hard for him to see me at my lows when he is so far away and cannot do anything about it.. I try not to let it show too much. I don't want to worry him or make him feel bad. All he needs to be worried about is staying safe and coming home!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Day Forty-Eight.
I just realized I've been spelling "Forty" wrong! Oops. Going to have to fix that here in a minute!!
Well, what to say about this day? I have had another 'one of those' days. I just need to get out of this slump. I wish a rainbow would just break through my window in the morning and tell me to brighten the hell up... or something. That might be just a little dramatic!
I did however get to talk to my soldier this morning. Not nearly as long as I wanted to, but it was still nice to hear his voice and see his face on the computer.
He works at the FARP tonight. It's a little strange to me that they rotate them so much and so randomly. Actually, they may have a rhyme or reason to it, and I am just not paying attention.
It always seems that he is in a better mood the day after he works at the FARP. I hope that he gets some good rest in and good food in his belly after work today. He really needs it.
The apartment has seemed so gloomy and lonely these last few days. I've had a difficult time finding things to hold my attention for very long, and thus being gloomy and lonely myself.
It will be interesting when my soldier gets back home, so see how I've changed my routines and habits since he's been gone and don't realize it. I really feel for those who have to endure the full year deployments. I know we will potentially have to as well. But, even in the last 7 weeks I feel like we have a slight disconnect. Our worlds are becoming more separate. I imagine that is normal, as they are two very different worlds, and even having a phone call every day isn't going to make those worlds feel much closer. It just keeps them from falling apart. It keeps us connected. I think it really takes more of a conscious effort to stay connected when you are literally half the world away from the one you love. There is no part of this that is easy, for either side of the world!
Well, what to say about this day? I have had another 'one of those' days. I just need to get out of this slump. I wish a rainbow would just break through my window in the morning and tell me to brighten the hell up... or something. That might be just a little dramatic!
I did however get to talk to my soldier this morning. Not nearly as long as I wanted to, but it was still nice to hear his voice and see his face on the computer.
He works at the FARP tonight. It's a little strange to me that they rotate them so much and so randomly. Actually, they may have a rhyme or reason to it, and I am just not paying attention.
It always seems that he is in a better mood the day after he works at the FARP. I hope that he gets some good rest in and good food in his belly after work today. He really needs it.
The apartment has seemed so gloomy and lonely these last few days. I've had a difficult time finding things to hold my attention for very long, and thus being gloomy and lonely myself.
It will be interesting when my soldier gets back home, so see how I've changed my routines and habits since he's been gone and don't realize it. I really feel for those who have to endure the full year deployments. I know we will potentially have to as well. But, even in the last 7 weeks I feel like we have a slight disconnect. Our worlds are becoming more separate. I imagine that is normal, as they are two very different worlds, and even having a phone call every day isn't going to make those worlds feel much closer. It just keeps them from falling apart. It keeps us connected. I think it really takes more of a conscious effort to stay connected when you are literally half the world away from the one you love. There is no part of this that is easy, for either side of the world!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Day Forty-Seven.
What a day. I slept horribly last night and my grumpiness seemed to weave it's way in and out of my day.
I didn't talk to my honey today. I waited near the computer for an hour or so this morning, but I had to get ready and leave for school. For some reason I had a feeling that he was sleeping in. I wished that I could call or something to wake him up, but there was no way to do that! I later got an email from him that he did in fact oversleep. Sounds like he had a bad start to his day too. He woke up with only enough time to get dressed and go straight to work. No time to shave or eat or anything! I hope he wasn't too scruffy!
I feel bad, I know that is never a fun way to wake up in the morning. In his email he said he was grumpy. I'll be so glad when he gets home, and we can both sleep better.
I had to go get a little heater today so I can sleep in our bedroom. It has just been too cold in there, and cranking up the heat doesn't seem to be the best solution. No use heating the entire apartment when I'm only in one room, and that one room doesn't seem to get as much heat. (or actually I think it just loses the heat due to being on two outside walls!) It should be nice and cozy this evening.
I did get to go to class today. It was canceled on Tuesday. We met at an art museum on campus and were provided crafty materials to create Valentines. It was really fun! Nothing quite as exhilarating than to be in a room with four tables FULL of beautifully colored paper, gems, glue, colored pencils, ribbon, feathers, fabric, stickers, and other odds and ends!! (at least for me!) There is an Andy Warhol exhibit there, so the director took our pictures and made photo copies so we could incorporate our photos in the Valentines in the way that Warhol used his photos. (if we elected to do so)
Of course, I made a Valentine for my soldier, which he will get upon his return home.
Getting to be crafty for two hours really lifted my spirits today. I may not have been beaming an ear-to-ear smile afterward, but I was at least not as grumpy as I was before.
I am tired, but not sleepy tonight. If that makes sense? I should be, but I'm running on sheer stubbornness I believe. So I need to turn off the technology and try to wind down.
I didn't talk to my honey today. I waited near the computer for an hour or so this morning, but I had to get ready and leave for school. For some reason I had a feeling that he was sleeping in. I wished that I could call or something to wake him up, but there was no way to do that! I later got an email from him that he did in fact oversleep. Sounds like he had a bad start to his day too. He woke up with only enough time to get dressed and go straight to work. No time to shave or eat or anything! I hope he wasn't too scruffy!
I feel bad, I know that is never a fun way to wake up in the morning. In his email he said he was grumpy. I'll be so glad when he gets home, and we can both sleep better.
I had to go get a little heater today so I can sleep in our bedroom. It has just been too cold in there, and cranking up the heat doesn't seem to be the best solution. No use heating the entire apartment when I'm only in one room, and that one room doesn't seem to get as much heat. (or actually I think it just loses the heat due to being on two outside walls!) It should be nice and cozy this evening.
I did get to go to class today. It was canceled on Tuesday. We met at an art museum on campus and were provided crafty materials to create Valentines. It was really fun! Nothing quite as exhilarating than to be in a room with four tables FULL of beautifully colored paper, gems, glue, colored pencils, ribbon, feathers, fabric, stickers, and other odds and ends!! (at least for me!) There is an Andy Warhol exhibit there, so the director took our pictures and made photo copies so we could incorporate our photos in the Valentines in the way that Warhol used his photos. (if we elected to do so)
Of course, I made a Valentine for my soldier, which he will get upon his return home.
Getting to be crafty for two hours really lifted my spirits today. I may not have been beaming an ear-to-ear smile afterward, but I was at least not as grumpy as I was before.
I am tired, but not sleepy tonight. If that makes sense? I should be, but I'm running on sheer stubbornness I believe. So I need to turn off the technology and try to wind down.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Day Forty-Five & Forty Six.
The last two days have been pretty much the same. The weather has limited me to staying inside. Classes were canceled yesterday due to snow and ice.
So I have been doing some house work, cleaning, moving some things around, reading for school, and just trying to keep busy.
I didn't sleep well last night. I was anxious for some reason and couldn't let myself relax. I packed up all my blankets and computer and came back out to the living room and slept on the couch for the first time in weeks! I'm not sure why, but I was really uneasy. I didn't sleep well on the couch, but I wasn't anxious at least. I was restless and the cat was being a terror, running around the house and tearing things up. I know she was sleeping when I got back up, so why she had to be awake and run around when I got up, I'm not sure, but it made it really difficult to fall asleep.
It was nice to see the sunshine out today. This winter is really giving me the blahs! I can't wait to be able to open up the windows and enjoy some fresh air!
I have begun thinking of all the things I want to have done before my soldier gets home! There is a lot that I'd like to do, but I usually try to do too much, so I'll probably have to tone it back a little so not to get myself all crazy and overwhelmed. (yeah, right!)
The reason I didn't get to talk to my soldier the other day, is because he thought he had the night off, but he actually didn't. Then he wasn't able to email me and let me know. That's okay, I didn't think I would talk to him until later anyway, but I didn't. I actually didn't worry about it for once. I just figured he was probably out and about. He was off yesterday, however, so we got to chat for a while.
He said it's been pretty slow lately at the hangars. Tonight he has to work at the Walker Center which is the computer and T.V. area. So he'll be having people sign in and sign out, and giving out cameras and headsets.
He hasn't been eating very well. Due to his shift time and sleep schedule, he hasn't been getting to chow and has had to eat junky foods a lot recently. I'm sure between his interrupted sleep cycle and bad meal schedule, he probably doesn't feel 100% at the top of his game. I told him I'd be sure that he eats well when he gets home!!!
The homecoming is starting to feel more real now... it is getting closer and I'm hoping the time flies by!!
So I have been doing some house work, cleaning, moving some things around, reading for school, and just trying to keep busy.
I didn't sleep well last night. I was anxious for some reason and couldn't let myself relax. I packed up all my blankets and computer and came back out to the living room and slept on the couch for the first time in weeks! I'm not sure why, but I was really uneasy. I didn't sleep well on the couch, but I wasn't anxious at least. I was restless and the cat was being a terror, running around the house and tearing things up. I know she was sleeping when I got back up, so why she had to be awake and run around when I got up, I'm not sure, but it made it really difficult to fall asleep.
It was nice to see the sunshine out today. This winter is really giving me the blahs! I can't wait to be able to open up the windows and enjoy some fresh air!
I have begun thinking of all the things I want to have done before my soldier gets home! There is a lot that I'd like to do, but I usually try to do too much, so I'll probably have to tone it back a little so not to get myself all crazy and overwhelmed. (yeah, right!)
The reason I didn't get to talk to my soldier the other day, is because he thought he had the night off, but he actually didn't. Then he wasn't able to email me and let me know. That's okay, I didn't think I would talk to him until later anyway, but I didn't. I actually didn't worry about it for once. I just figured he was probably out and about. He was off yesterday, however, so we got to chat for a while.
He said it's been pretty slow lately at the hangars. Tonight he has to work at the Walker Center which is the computer and T.V. area. So he'll be having people sign in and sign out, and giving out cameras and headsets.
He hasn't been eating very well. Due to his shift time and sleep schedule, he hasn't been getting to chow and has had to eat junky foods a lot recently. I'm sure between his interrupted sleep cycle and bad meal schedule, he probably doesn't feel 100% at the top of his game. I told him I'd be sure that he eats well when he gets home!!!
The homecoming is starting to feel more real now... it is getting closer and I'm hoping the time flies by!!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Day Forty-Four.
Monday January 31, 2011
I honestly don't feel like blogging tonight. I haven't gotten to talk to my boyfriend today. Not sure why. I'm trying to stay up to see if he gets on-line around midnight because sometimes he will check his email before going to bed. But I'm bored, and tired. Chances are, school will be canceled tomorrow.
I feel really negative tonight and don't even feel like expressing my thoughts into words. The weather is getting really horrible and I'm tired of the cold.
This is definitely the longest winter ever.
I honestly don't feel like blogging tonight. I haven't gotten to talk to my boyfriend today. Not sure why. I'm trying to stay up to see if he gets on-line around midnight because sometimes he will check his email before going to bed. But I'm bored, and tired. Chances are, school will be canceled tomorrow.
I feel really negative tonight and don't even feel like expressing my thoughts into words. The weather is getting really horrible and I'm tired of the cold.
This is definitely the longest winter ever.
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