Day Forty-Three.

So tired. It is 10pm and I was ready for bed at about 6pm!

No particular reason really, just tired.

My soldier is going to be working at the hangar tonight. He also has tomorrow night off. I didn't take any notes today of our conversation. I know we talked about our plans for the week that he gets home. We also talked about movies, good ones and bad ones.

I reminded him that he is over half way there! He'll be home in less days than he's already been over there. He wasn't really all that impressed with that fact. I just think that any amount of days feels like too many days, which I totally understand!!

I am trying to figure out what to do tomorrow. I have a really long to-do list, of mostly phone-calls, and also training for the job I don't want to work at from 10am - 1pm. It is my first day of training. I am wondering if I should waste their time and mine by starting this training. It's only a few hours, so it won't be too bad. I'm just reluctant and have had a bad vibe for this place since I interviewed. I don't know if its because I'll be working with and surrounded by people I don't know, in an environment I am not familiar with, and I am just overwhelmed with being thrown into those situations.. it's pretty much all I've experienced (no surprise, since it's a whole new state!) since I've moved away from home.

I just wonder how long it will take for me to feel comfortable here. It feels like it is taking forever and I don't like it.  I miss feeling comfortable and knowing all the back roads, and the best times to go to certain stores, and actually knowing where those stores are! I have lived within a 40 mile radius of the house I grew up in my entire life, and now I am hundreds of miles away from there with this never-ending "lost" feeling surrounding me.

Day Forty-Two.

Saturday January 29, 2011

It's felt like a long day. I did some school work and some crafty stuff. I watched a couple movies as I was doing those things.

I am really tired, so this will probably be short. I talked to my soldier this morning on video chat. We actually had a long conversation today! It was nice to be able to relax and chat as long as we wanted. I miss being able to do that! Usually either one of us has something to do, or are too tired, etc.

My soldier worked at the FARP last night. He said that not one single bird landed the entire night. They had a low ceiling, so nothing was flying. That makes for a long boring night.

He was excited because they changed the "female latrine" that is right outside of their new Chu, to a "male latrine" since apparently there are no females in the area. Before today they had quite a walk just to go to the bathroom or shower. I can't imagine having to walk outside and around a building just to potty. I would be so annoyed! But I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

I really miss my honey tonight. I just wish I could talk to him and say goodnight. I miss that. Even when we were living in different states, we would at least text "goodnight" to each other.

I bought some books this evening with a gift-card I got for Christmas. One of the books is a type of military spouses guide for relationships and deployments. It should be interesting at the very least. I am looking forward to getting my new books!! However I am in the middle of two other books, plus my school work.. I'm almost finished with one, so I'll have to finish them both up and start on my new ones!  I have so many "projects" going right now. My creative juices are on overload lately!! I guess it's a good thing. Just wish I could get them all out as fast as they come to mind!

Time for bed. I am planning to visit one of the spouses tomorrow for a hair cut! I can't wait!!

Day Forty & Forty-One.

Thursday January 27, 2011

I didn't have a chance to blog on Thursday. I talked to my boyfriend, had class, dinner, then was invited to one of the spouses houses (that rhyme made me giggle) and I didn't get home until after 3:00am, so needless to say, I wasn't feeling much like plopping down on the computer to blog.

My soldier was really sleep yesterday when I talked to him. He was cuddled up in bed with his fleece hat on and he didn't even have his glasses on. He was so cute. I of course took a snap-shot of him on Skype. He was frustrated with getting his sleep cycle interrupted by required duty or tasks, even though he is technically night shift. I don't blame him, I don't like my sleep to be messed with either.

I had a fun time with the ladies last night. We played cards and talked and just had fun being together.

Friday January 28, 2011

Today I was grumpy when I got up because I wasn't nearly ready to be out of bed! I probably went to sleep around 4am, and got up at 10am.. which is 6 hours, so you would think I would be okay, but I was exhausted. I did my usual routine of starting coffee, had some toast, got my computer up and running and logged into Skype. I laid down on the couch for a few minutes and listened to some music. I really just wanted to go back to bed. I couldn't doze off though, I could only anticipate my soldier's call.
So I instead decided to work on the vacuum cleaner. It was having issues, and needed to be taken apart and unclogged. Such a glorious task first thing in the morning. I did that, which took about 30 minutes, and figured while I was doing the gross things I might as well clean the cat box. I was so ready for a shower at that point!  It wasn't until around 1:15pm or so that he called. I was glad to talk to him, but I knew he would have to start getting ready for work, and I had to get ready to leave as well.

He had a boring night last night. I'm not sure exactly what he did, but it was basically sitting and listening for calls over the radio, and he had to respond back to them when they radioed. He said there were only two calls all night. I'm glad he has plenty of movies on his computer to keep him busy!

I had an emotional day. I am not excited about this part-time job that I got. I went to fill out paperwork today, and start training on Monday - which is from 10am to 1pm - right in the time frame that I usually get to talk to my honey. I guess I can't expect to be home every single day during that time, but it's still frustrating. I don't have a whole lot to look forward to each day, and that just happens to be one of my favorites!  So I was bummed after filling out paperwork. I wasn't impressed with the management pretty much as soon as they started talking. I've had my fair share of bad managers, and I can usually spot them right away. I am going to try it and see if maybe I'm wrong. I hope so. It would sure be nice to bring in some extra spending money and make me feel like I'm contributing.

I am not sure if I've pissed off the universe or what, but lately I have been a walking train-wreck! I don't know how many things I've dropped, broken, tripped over, lost, messed up or hurt myself with in the last two days, but it's been a lot. I made a disastrous dinner yesterday. I, for some strange reason, thought I knew how to cook and tried making fried rice, which I have never made, and tried without a recipe. Smart-thinking. I don't know but I feel dangerous! Like, please do not let me hold anything glass, or expensive, or a baby... nothing breakable!

Anyway, I am sure it's partially due to my stress, lack of sleep and general feeling of disorientation lately. I finally broke down and cleaned the house tonight. It was crazy messy. I usually like to keep it clean, but I was seriously slacking this week. I do feel a little bit better already after some sweeping, mopping, dishes, etc. It's about the only thing I feel like I have control of some days.
One last thought. I bought myself a birthday cake tonight. I've been craving cake since my bday... so happy belated bday to me!!

Day Thirty-Nine.

Last night I got an email from my honey that they would probably be moving Chu's today and that he may not get a chance to call before I had to leave for my interview. Imagine my surprise when I heard the Skype ringtone singing out from my computer!! I was lucky to have heard it because I was in the bathroom putting on makeup, still with my hair in a towel, so of course I was looking fabulous when I answered his video chat!!!  But I didn't care, and neither did he. We were just glad to be chatting!

He pre-warned me first thing that he had only gotten a couple hours of sleep due to moving and then they had a formation for some reason. He was moved into his new Chu and it sounded like he still had the same roommates. His must be on the opposite side of the room though because he was laying on his left side instead of his right side, or his bed was on a different wall, not sure.

He didn't get to eat until late today due to working, and then moving and the formation, etc. Sounds like they had a pretty nice spread for dinner tonight! He had lobster tail, shrimp, corn-on-the-cob and coleslaw! I was jealous! Well not of the seafood, but the corn-on-the-cob and coleslaw. Those are two foods that emanate Summer to me. Just hearing him talk about those foods made me really long for warm weather and picnics and sun tans and fishing... ah summer.. 

I was talking with one of the spouses yesterday and she was talking about how they used to have game nights, so we were thinking of all the fun things we will get to do when the guys (and girls) get home!! We do have one friend that is a female soldier, so I have to include her!  Her boyfriend is in a different unit, but he is deployed as well. 

I had an interview today for food service. I can't say that I'm particularly excited about it, however, it will be some extra money and make time go fast! I actually feel like it's going pretty fast lately with school and the other side projects I have going on.

I almost forgot to write about the BEST part of my day! I got a delivery this morning just before I left for my interview! It was a box of six long-stem roses sent from my soldier!!!! It was such a nice surprise, and so sweet of him!! I felt like I was walking on air!

Day Thirty-Eight.

It's been a roller coaster of a day.
I was just busy from the moment I got up this morning until this evening. It made the day go fast though and I'm already tired and ready for bed, which is odd for me this time of night.

I got to video chat with my soldier amidst the chaos of my morning. I dominated most of the conversation, going a million miles a minute with my chatter! He is always such a good listener!
He got to see the cat playing in the background today because I was sitting in a different spot than usual, and the scratching post was right behind me. He got a kick out of that. She is always so crazy and playful when I am on-line with him for some reason. 

He said they were mostly busy last night at the shop. He didn't have a lot to report, just that he got a hair cut today. We only chatted about half the time we usually do. I had to get ready for class and he wanted to take a quick nap before going into work.

Class was challenging today. Not so much in the content as much as the people. We had to work in groups and I ended up being on the short end of the stick with the direction our group wanted to go with a particular assignment, so I was really frustrated. It did however force me to address something that I am very sensitive about. I didn't outwardly react to my classmates, but I did cry my way home. I know I'm being very vague about it, but I will say that one person in my group made some immature comments about something, and it struck a nerve with me because I have had a bad experience in regards to the topic of her comment. I know it was unintentional, but it made me realize that I need to mend some of my old wounds. Even though I really just wanted to punch her!

This evening I went to the FRG meeting with two other spouses. It was mainly the same info that I had gotten at the company meeting, but I did learn a few other tid-bits of information. I found out when the Ball is for his unit and that the theme is "Old Hollywood" so that will be really fun!
We talked about how things should occur once our soldiers land and get bused to the base. It really just makes me antsy for it to start happening! I don't want to wait another month plus some... I am ready now!!!

Day Thirty-Seven.

Monday January 24, 2010

Surprisingly today I got a call from my soldier! I honestly wasn't expecting to due to him running out of internet in the Chu and not knowing if he would move today or not. When I talked to him, he said that he had decided to go ahead and get internet service because he hadn't heard when they were moving yet. He then came to find out that they weren't going to move until at least the end of this week.

It was a nice surprise and definitely lifted my spirits after yesterday. I actually woke up in a decent mood this morning. Although I was tired, I wasn't in the funk that I had been the previous two days.

I felt bad for him because he was technically off work last night, but then had to report for duty at 0700 to help with packing up the SPAM. So the time he usually was getting off work and getting ready for bed, he had to go to work for a few hours. I know he had to be tired.

The weather there has been warmer the last few days. It's been in the 60's during the day. He said that without the breeze, the sun actually feels pretty hot and makes him sweat. That's a far cry from the weather we are having at home. It has been really cold. I actually had to scrape about a quarter-inch of ice off my car yesterday. Today, however, it did "warm up" to the mid-thirties.

I heard a helicopter the other day, which was out of the ordinary because there usually isn't much air traffic around here. I'm sure it will be much different when all the equipment returns to base. I asked my boyfriend about it, wondering if it was some of their birds returning to base, but he said it probably wasn't. Apparently the Kiowa's they work on there will have to be "reset" elsewhere first before returning to base. Not exactly sure what that means.

I was wondering when or if he gets a lunch break since he works typically midnight - 0800 and he mentioned the chow hall times today. He doesn't really get a lunch break, but instead just takes cereal and milk to the shop. Since they do have down time it's not a big deal to stop and eat whenever they get hungry. That was good to hear. I was worried about them getting to eat when they needed to since the hours are a little off from the chow times.

I don't feel like I accomplished much today, but really I did. I read about 150 pages for class, and worked on an assignment. I finally got a call back for a job, however, it's not one of the ones I was particularly excited about. I am set up for an interview on Wednesday, so we'll see how it goes.

Other than that, my soldier and I just chit-chatted about the cat and her craziness, and the other seemingly minute details of my days since we hadn't talked for a couple days. Tomorrow I have class and then the FRG meeting to find more out about the soldier's homecoming. I am anxious to hear what we have to look forward to!

Day Thirty-Six.

I honestly don't really have anything new to blog about today.

I didn't get to talk to my soldier today. His internet ran out in his current Chu and since he will be moving Chus within the next day or two, he didn't want to renew it yet, until he knew for sure it would be availble in his new Chu.

He was online for a while, but it was probably right about the time I layed down for a nap this afternoon. I was really bored and tired and just didn't have the desire to do anything productive this afternoon.

I did some reading this morning, then some painting this evening. I have been in a sort of "blah" mood the last couple days. The weather here sure doesn't help. It snowed a little today and is frigid outside.

I knew to expect that we wouldn't be able to talk via webchat or phone call. But it still isn't easy to deal with. I am missing my soldier more than ever and ready for all of this to be over with and for life to feel somewhat normal again. I've been really missing my family and friends from back home. I think this would be easier with them around.. I've had some feelings that I've had to cipher through and overcome. This evening I just don't feel like I have the strength to deal with them, so I am going to call it a night.

Day Thirty-Five.

It's been one of those days that when you get to the end you wonder what happened to the rest of your day!

The strange thing is, is that I haven't really done too much it seems. I woke up in a funk today. I don't know why. I had to have about a 30 second cry when I got off line from talking to my boyfriend today. I just missed him so much. He had one of his room-mates there, and then another one of his buddies stopped by so he was chatting with them a lot when we were on Skype. It didn't really bother me, but the funny thing is, I was really jealous that they got to be there with him and talk in person. Here we are thousands of miles away and dealing with the stupid delay and can't have a regular conversation without talking over each other, and they get to be there in person. I feel silly even talking about it because it seems so trivial. But as I was chatting with one of the wives last night, she feels the same way often, as far as just missing her husband being within proximity of hand holding and talking in person! 

They will be moving into new Chus in the next day or two, so he was telling me that it might be a little sketchy from now on as far as getting to talk on-line, etc. I knew that it was coming, and really we have been so fortunate to be able to talk so often like we do, but it doesn't make it any easier.

He said he didn't have much go on at work today. It was kinda busy but not really, he said. Didn't really get much more elaboration on that! I'm not sure if he worked at the FARP or in the shop.
Tomorrow there are several soldiers that are supposed to help "layout the spam" which I am not exactly sure what that means either. I assume they are taking apart the workshop that they used to work in and getting it ready to ship back to the states. That will be going on during the day shift, but he may have to stay over past his shift to help out. I hope not because I know he will be really tired.

Yesterday he had his PT test and did "ok" on it he said. They had to do the test after working out in the cold all night. (which sounds weird to say since they are in the desert!) But most people take their test first thing in the morning, before they report for work, so they have a bit of an advantage as far as being rested and ready to go. But he passed, and that's all that really matters! 

My day was not very productive. I did work on my painting and read a couple pages of my school book. I ended up laying down for a couple hours to try and reset my brain, but it was an awful nap and I didn't rest well and ended up being more grumpy I think when I got up!!

So I am really hoping for a productive and positive day tomorrow... days like today I just feel like I've wasted.. but I do need to recharge and decompress every now and then..I guess that was today.

Day Thirty-Four.

Friday January 21, 2011

So I really had a pretty good birthday! It's actually about 2am on Saturday and I am exhausted so this will be a short post. I meant to post before I left for my get-together but I forgot. I just got home a few minutes ago. I had a great time tonight with the other spouses. It was so nice to get to know them better, and to laugh and share our experiences thus far. It's great to know that there are such great women that are going through the same things, and that are genuinely great people!

I got to video chat with my boyfriend earlier today, and I just talked to him for a few minutes when I got home! He said earlier that he might be off work early and then had a PT test, so he would possibly be on-line this evening. I know a couple of the other girls got calls this evening from their other halves so I wondered if it would be too late by the time I got home to talk to my guy. He said he was about to shut down his computer when I got on-line. He was tired and getting ready for bed, and I am tired as well.

But it was a wonderful treat for the end of my birthday celebration to be able to say both good morning, and goodnight to my love!  I am headed to bed now... time for sweet dreams!!!

Day Thirty-Three.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I actually forgot about writing today until now! It's now officially my birthday!

I stayed busy today. I had class and then applied for a job then had dinner and painted this evening.

Talked to my soldier today via video chat. He had a lot to talk about today!
They had their "pre-inspection" today and it went well. They just had to dust/clean the top of their florescent lights to get ready for the official inspection tomorrow.

Last night he worked at one of the "shops" because their "SPAM" which was a lot smaller workshop is closed down now. They had some 50-cals to clean and send off to get fixed. They had to review the logbooks and see what little things needed to be done and fixed. He said he got to work on a radio and talk to the tower, which he thought was pretty cool. He talked about some other things he got to work on too. They stayed pretty busy, so the night went fast.

He was saying he needed to get a haircut and go to the PX. I imagine he'll be doing that after his shift tonight. (which actually is right about now)

The delay is still pretty bad on our Skype connection. We tried oovoo again the other day to see if it was any better, but the audio was much worse. So we are stuck dealing with the delay for now until it gets better. He found out some other details about the shooting that he shared with me.

Today I've really been missing the little things about my soldier. I miss the way he says certain things, even though I get to talk to him, it's not the same. I really miss being in the same room with him and doing the so called mundane tasks of the day with him... like laundry, and dinner, etc.
I can't wait until he can be here and we can laugh together about the silly things the cat does that make me laugh, but it's just not the same without someone else to see it too.

I'm pretty tired now, it's getting late. Only about 40-45 days left until my honey is home! I can't wait!!!

Day Thirty-Two.

I've stayed pretty busy today. I am tired this evening and ready to get to bed early. I want to be up earlier than usual tomorrow to finish my reading for class.

My boyfriend didn't call until an hour or so after he usually does, so I was actually expecting not to hear from him. It was a nice surprise to see his name pop up on Skype! He and his roommates had been busy getting their room cleaned and packed up for the "pre-inspection" tomorrow, and the real inspection on Friday.

He said that they will be moving into a new set of CHUs instead of the "warehouse" type housing! I was really glad to get that news. That will be better living arrangements for my boyfriend, and we have hopes that the internet will be available in the new CHU! There are no guarantees that there will be, but it's possible, so we'll keep our fingers crossed!

I am also hoping that the delay gets better on our video chat. It's been about a 5-7 second delay and it driving us both nuts! I might try to hook up my computer directly to the modem or router or whatever it is I plug in to, and see if it helps.

It's been snowing all day today. I am already tired of winter! But we are on the home stretch towards spring now. Every time I get excited about spring, I get even MORE excited because I know that before its spring, it will be time for my soldier to come home!!! I wish I knew exactly what day he was going to be here. It's hard to countdown if I don't know what day to count down TO.

I'm hoping we find out more information next week at the FRG meeting! For now I'll just continue to look forward to a range of dates! That works for me!

Day Thirty-One.

It's been a busy day! My mind is so full and my emotions are on tilt!

First off, I got to video chat with my boyfriend. He said that his day was uneventful, as they have been the last couple days. I asked him to be more specific, like did he do ANYTHING or really did he do nothing. I told him I needed to have something to report!

He said he worked at the FARP last night. They only had four helicopters come in the whole night. The night before he removed four 50-cal machine guns from whatever equipment they were attached to, and cleaned them. Other than the four helicopters last night, he watched movies on his computer.

Today he has an armament meeting. Not sure what that will entail, however, he will have to stay up for his meeting during the time he would normally be sleeping. I'm not sure if we'll be chatting tomorrow because of this, or if we do, it will be brief I'm sure. They have an inspection by the Commander on Friday so they have to pack up all their stuff and clean their CHU's. It sounds like they will probably leave their stuff mostly packed up because they will be moving to their new "housing" (I use this term lightly) on the 23rd or 24th. This means that our chat time will decrease tremendously after the move. I know I've said this a hundred times, but I am not looking forward to that.

I had my first day of class today. It is a lot different than I thought it would be, but I do believe it will be good for me. It will force me to think outside the box of creativity that I am used to and hopefully develop new vision and skills that I can't wait to put to use!!

After class I went to the store for groceries and other odds and ends. I attempted to read some of my assignment, but after about 14 pages I was just too distracted to focus. Tomorrow I will have to read quite a bit, but it will be okay.

This evening I have been listening to songs that are inspiring, and other songs that make me think of my soldier. My heart is full, as well as my mind!

There is an Army spouse that is having a rough time today. We have only just begun to get to know each other, so I'm not sure that she is comfortable spilling her guts to me quite yet. I wish there was more I could do to help. I sent her one of my "inspirational" songs, hoping that it would be helpful to her as it is to me.. (the song from the Glee soundtrack: Keep Holding On, I'm not a fan of the show, but I do love their soundtrack!) I know our situations are somewhat similar, and I know how I feel some days.. It's just hard to be having an "up" day, when you know someone else is having a "down" day and there isn't much you can do about it. I wish I could package up a piece of my positive feelings today and share them with her, and set some aside for my next "down" day.

I have a to-do list for tomorrow a million miles long, so I hope I wake up with a positive and motivated attitude, or else I'm going to need a lot of caffeine!! 

Day Thirty.

Well it's officially been a month now!

I wonder if subconsciously I knew this as I woke up because I was in a funk as soon as I opened my eyes. I dreamed of my boyfriend and I sitting together, I don't remember what all was going on, but as I woke up I remembered that he had his arm around me. I didn't want to leave my dream!

I struggled this morning to get moving and get ready for the day. I was a bit emotional from the start and found myself getting teary several times. I tried to cheer up. I didn't want to be down in the dumps when I got on-line to video chat with my honey.

We didn't chat for as long as we usually do. The delay was bad on skype today and the video and audio quality wasn't very good for some reason. He was tired and I was out of things to talk about. He didn't have anything to report about work. It was just a regular old day. He told me yesterday that he received the care package a couple days ago that I sent. He shared the contents and has been playing the hand-held games. I'm really glad that he got it, and that he is enjoying it!!

I asked him if he was going to write me a birthday letter. He said it might have to be a birthday email. He said he doesn't have any envelopes, but I'm pretty sure they sell those in the PX. I knew I should have stuck some envelopes and stamps in his bag! I just get the impression he's not a fan of writing. It sounds like he has some things going on this week, like an inspection this Friday so he has to get things cleaned up and in tip-top shape the next couple days.

The rest of my day has been pretty uneventful. It will be good for me to go to class tomorrow and get out and about. I feel like some pieces of me are fading away. I'm trying to stay upbeat and be positive, but today is just one of those days.

Day Twenty-Nine.

Today was good. I got to video chat with my soldier today! It was so nice to talk to him, especially after all of yesterday's events. I let him know that the guys in Mosul that we know were okay. They hadn't heard anything else except what was on the news.

He said that yesterday he cleaned an old rusty 50 cal machine gun. Not sure what else he did. He just said when he got off work he went back to his Chu and straight to sleep. He was really tired from switching back to the night shift.

I had all kinds of stuff to tell him about my days. Mostly just silly little things that I did around the house, or that the cat did, etc. We hadn't really talked except for Facebook chat for three days! It's strange because when I write that, it doesn't seem like very long. But if you think about everything you've done in the past three days.. it really can be a long time!

I talked to one of my upstairs neighbors a couple days ago. I found out that the one guy did deploy to Afghanistan, and the girl is planning to move back home to Kentucky in February so they won't be keeping the apartment! I'm glad we won't have to deal with the partying anymore for sure! My anxiety level has gotten much better and I've been able to sleep better the last couple days since I talked to her. I am hoping that our new neighbors will be good ones!

So this week I start my class on Tuesday and Thursday, and have a get-together on Friday with the other spouses! It's going to feel like a lot after not having much going one the past couple weeks!  I'm looking forward to it!!

Day Twenty-Eight.

Waiting.

Besides "strength" and "worry," "waiting" is the official word of the military for me.

Today I am sitting here waiting to hear good news. I am waiting to hear any news.
It is past the normal time that my soldier calls me, and not one of his fellow soldiers are logged into facebook, which at this time of day is extremely odd.

Being the investigator that I am, probably to my detriment in this case, I looked up the world news section on-line, an put in "Iraq" for my search. I wish I wouldn't have. I wish I would have just went about my day with the computer up as I waited for my call. But for some reason, the two facts were glaring at me and I was worried immediately.. even before typing in my news search.

Three American Soldiers dead in Iraq today was the just of all the Iraq news. I feel so sick to my stomach with worry. I feel guilt for wanting it to be someone else's loved one and not mine. It makes me feel like a horrible person. It makes me fear for the many soldiers that I have met over the past few months and for their families too.

I guess this is a part of being a military spouse/girlfriend. This is the part that "normal" people don't have to think about on a daily basis. I'm guilty of that myself. Being a civilian with no military attachment two years ago, it would tear at my heart when I saw the reports of soldiers dead. It would make my heart ache for a few moments, and I'd say a quick prayer... but then I got to go on about my day. There was no personal attachment there, no real life changing effects. It made me angry that there were good people in harms way, but I didn't know any names of those who were.

Today I feel a tug at my whole world. A dark cloud looming overhead. My soldier may be perfectly fine, but there are 3 people whose families will have to go on without them. The time could not be passing any slower right now. I am afraid to be alone with my thoughts. If I could jump on a plane right now and fly to Iraq, just to see my boyfriend's face and make sure he is okay, you bet I would!

I'm not sure if they will be able to call at all today. I am not sure what the protocol is after something like this happens, and what kind of lock down they are under. I don't even know if anything happened at his base or not. I know that 2 deaths were up north and one was in central Iraq.

What a feeling of helplessness. All I can do is pray and cry.

UPDATE: I got an email from my boyfriend this evening! The shootings, he said were in Mosul. Not sure where the other incident was, but apparently it wasn't on their base. It has been really rainy there so the internet was down. He was able to send an email using an NCO's computer that was able to get internet connection. So I am so thankful that he is okay! What a relief!
I am still worried about those fallen soldiers, and their families. I know it could happen to anyone at anytime and it's scary...so keeping them in my thoughts and prayers tonight!

Day Twenty-Seven.

I didn't get much sleep last night..even though I was super tired and didn't feel well, for some reason I just couldn't sleep! It was after 3:00am before I went to sleep!

But I had to get up and get myself going this morning. The internet in Iraq was being flaky today. My boyfriend didn't have access in his Chu, and the internet at the Walker Center was really slow he said. But we at least got to chat via facebook.

He said that the driving test was basically them saying, "good job driving yesterday, you passed!" So he didn't really have much going on today. I had an appt. at the university, and had to get books and parking pass. I was so tired today so walking around the campus trying to find things wasn't the most fun.

I did get to meet up with one of the other army spouses this evening. We had dinner and browsed around at a couple stores before heading home. It's about 9:45pm now and I am exhausted and ready for bed! So I am going to maybe watch a movie or read until I fall asleep...

My soldier has tonight off. He'll be switching back to his night shift tomorrow. Didn't sound like he had much planned. So, not a whole lot to report today I guess. It was good to be busy today. It made the day go a lot faster! I am glad to be starting classes two days a week next week. Hoping that time will just start to fly by as March approaches!

Until tomorrow... goodnight... my heart is full and sending love across the sea and sands.. :)

Day Twenty-Six.

I am not really in the mood to blog this evening. I'm not feeling very well at the moment.

Talked to my boyfriend for about an hour today. He did some driving today of the humvees and another vehicle. He said it was pretty awesome. He said it felt like they could just run over anything! It was nice to see him so excited about it and that he enjoyed it so much. Tomorrow they are doing driving tests. He said it would probably be pretty easy.

We didn't really talk about any other "work-related" things today. We just chit-chatted about things we want to do when he gets back and what he might do on his day off that is coming up, and I filled him in on all the things I had been up to the last day.

I've found myself randomly smiling today just thinking about my honey and our conversation today. I miss him so much.

I got a distressed phone call from a family member tonight and all I wanted to do was talk to him about it.. It really does suck not being about to pick up the phone and call him, at the very least. I did get to talk to my sister eventually, later on in the evening, which was nice. It's just frustrating when your "go-to" person is unavailable, and not just because they are in a meeting or at work or in a dead zone at the store or something, no, they are on the other side of the world in a war-zone and cannot take your call.

I'm not going to get all wrapped up in that right now though. I just had a moment. That may be why I don't feel well. I just need to continue to de-stressing this evening before I try to sleep.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with an adviser at the university in the afternoon. I have several little things on my to-do list that I've been putting off that I need to get checked off also. For now, however, I am going to watch some mind-less t.v. and go to bed! Night World! 

Day Twenty-Five.

I just realized that we are coming up on almost a month of being apart! Still a few days away, but wow! I actually feel a little more comfortable this evening, being home alone. I was pretty productive today and I'm tired at a reasonable hour for once. I would count this day up as a "win!"

I got out of the house for a short while today. I just had to run to the Post Office and send a document to my soldier. I decided to take the scenic route home afterward. I wasn't exactly sure where I was going, but I was pretty sure that it was the "back way" to get home. I figured, why not? I think it would be pretty difficult to get lost around here. The base is a lot more confusing than this little town! I filled my day with job searching and finding more information out for school, then put on a movie while I did some painting. I am working on some art, just for fun. I hope to have this piece done asap because I want to do a painting for our apartment before my soldier gets home as a surprise!!

The weapons meeting thing that my soldier had to do today after his shift was short, so he was able to call. He said it was basically a waste of time. They are going to the range tomorrow, and the class was about grouping and zeroing, which they have all done several times before. After the range tomorrow he'll be going to more driver's training.  He seemed to be a lot less tired today. I think he is starting to miss the little things from home because he mentioned that he looks forward to us making dinner together when he gets home, among other things.

There are so many "little" things that you miss when you spend long periods of time apart from your loved one, and especially in situations like this where the distance and circumstances are so great. For instance, having coffee together, being able to send a quick text to say 'I love you' or 'hey guess what I just did', sitting in the same room for hours and not having to talk, but just knowing they are there to smile at or give a quick kiss to, are all things that we often take for granted. Even being in the same house is something I miss! To know that he is only a room away would give me butterflies right now!

My only concern right now is that although the time is passing and the number of days until he is home is shrinking, I know that along with that comes the time when he'll have little to no internet access. I am not sure what to expect, and I don't like that feeling. I am glad that I'll be in school soon, albeit only one class, but it will still take up some time as well as the homework and driving, etc. I'll need that distraction when I'm left for days without any contact from abroad.

There are often moments when I feel so... present, I guess is how I would describe it. It feels like all of a sudden the world catches up to where I am...or maybe its me catching up to the rest of the world...and everything stops...time stands still, reality hits me square in the face, and then I can feel every second passing through my body.

Some might think of this as a good thing, experiencing life 'in the present.'
I would if it were a different situation, but having one of those moments today, I had to just close my eyes for a minute and take a deep breath, and then shake it off.

I don't want to feel every second right now. Do I want to make good use of my time? Yes. Do I want to enjoy each day the best that I can? Of course. But do I want to feel the sting of each second through my chest? Nope, I do not.

I'm not trying to wish time away, because I don't like to do that. Time is a gift for us to enjoy and make the most of it's moments. (Even when time seems like a slow torture, it's still a gift because we are alive, and most likely, better days are ahead if we look for them!)

I'll be happy when I can continue collecting more moments together with my soldier! <3

.....sending my love overseas tonight.... goodnight my soldier! I love you!

Day Twenty-Four.

Tuesday, January 11, 2010

Man, it has been a LONG day!! It feels like it's been like 3 days in one!

Talked to my honey. He was really super tired. The day shift is really taking a toll on his body. By the time he gets somewhat adjusted this week, he'll be switching back to his regular night shift! Our conversation was shorter than usual. Neither of us really had a lot to chat about.

I may not get to chat with him tomorrow. He has some kind of weapons thing tomorrow after his shift, so he may not get a chance to call. We'll see. It isn't as difficult if I can expect it, as opposed to not knowing what is going on. However, I know that it's not always going to be possible to know ahead of time.

I started out doing well today. I progressively got worse and had a bit of a breakdown. I'm looking into school and the tuition is ridiculously expensive for out-of-state residents, so I am trying to figure out what I want to do. Also, no word on any jobs so far. I just want to be doing something, besides collecting dust, as I feel I am some days.

After my nervous breakdown, I decided to lie down for a bit to "reset" my brain! When I woke up I checked my email and saw that there was a message from the FRG leader about the "company town hall" meeting changing locations. I just got added to the email list, so I hadn't heard anything about this meeting to begin with.

I sent a text to one of the other spouses and asked her about it - she said it was info about our guys' home-coming. So I got ready and headed up there within about 20  minutes! I was late, but still got some good info. It was nice to see a couple of the spouses there too and chat with them.

It sounds like my soldier will be leaving Iraq on March 7th and then will be home a few days later, just depends on how long it takes them to travel. It could take up to 5 days they said. So if it does take 5 days, let's say, then that'll be 84 days total.... so potentially 60 more days (Or Less!!) for my soldier to be back home in my arms!!! Hooah!

Some days that seems like a lot, others it doesn't seem as bad. This afternoon it would have seemed like a million years...but this evening, it's manageable.

Day Twenty-Three.

I'm losing track of how many days it's been! Not sure what that means. 

Today I got all set up for our usual video chat time and waited for my soldier to log on. I browsed the web and applied for some jobs while I waited. An hour went by...I did some things around the house and waited some more... another hour went by. It was then that I realized he probably wasn't going to call.

I was worried, but I figured he probably had fallen asleep or got pulled to another duty or shift. I knew that he had switched shifts and was doing the driving class today, so his sleep schedule would be messed up. I still couldn't help but be worried. So I did what any reasonable military girlfriend would do... I cried!

It was mostly just from missing him and I always look so forward to our calls that I build myself up for it, and then when it doesn't happen, I have this huge let down. But after a few minutes I pulled it together and continued my day. There is nothing else that I can do.

I have to admit that my motivation was less than average and my zest for life was sub-par today. I got on my workout clothes, but just didn't have it in me today. I put on my sweatshirt and pj pants and took a nap. I just had to rest my weary head and quiet my thoughts.

It snowed pretty much all day. I think we probably got at least 6 inches. I didn't even venture out of the apartment except to take a few pictures to send to my boyfriend! I really had no reason to go out anyway. Food is stocked and I have nowhere that I have to be, so better to just stay put.

I did get some cleaning done and talked to my mom, and to an old friend from back home.

This evening I was logged into Facebook, and lo and behold, my boyfriend popped on the chat! It was such a relief! My tears let lose again! I was glad at that time that we weren't video chatting, so he couldn't see the tears running down my face, or my poofy eyes from crying earlier in the day.

He had laid down for a nap after his shift was over and didn't wake up until late. By that time, one of his roommates was using the internet. He was using the computer at the Walker Center this evening. He was up at about 4:00am (his time) since his sleep schedule was so out of whack. 

We got to chat for about 20 minutes or so. His class had only lasted about 2 hours, then he went to work on the day shift. He just said it was classroom power point for the first three days, then the last two would be actual driving. So his day was pretty boring.

He was apologetic for missing our call time today, but I know that there are many things out of his control. I can't blame him for needing sleep or for having limited internet access. I don't like for him to feel guilty about it!! I didn't tell him I was crying today. I don't like for him to worry about me either..

I know we both will be glad when all this is over, that is certain.

Day Twenty-Two.

It's snowing!! We are supposed to get up to 6" so I could wake up to a winter wonderland in the morning!

I am surprised that I am still awake. I didn't sleep much, and didn't take a nap or anything today. I finally went to bed at 2:30am but the party upstairs was still going until at least 5:30am because I kept waking up and could still hear music bumping. I'm glad they at least have places to be early in the morning during the week.

My soldier worked at the FARP last night. He had a lot to talk about today!He seemed to really enjoy it. I hope he gets to work there more often, as long as he stays safe!!

He said it wasn't as cold there as it has been recently in the evenings. They worked out of a little building near a landing pad for the helicopters. He said they only had three or four come in during the shift.
They wear a flight helmet, and a head lamp when they go out to work on the birds. They turn on the head lamps as the helicopter is landing so they can see everyone. Then when the helicopter is taking back off the pilots do a count to make sure the area is clear. There are all kinds of safety measures with "grounding" the bird and making sure everything is safe and secure. Very technical and procedural, but all sounds like common sense type stuff.

He was pretty tired. He has to take some sort of driving class this week and will be doing so on a day-time shift, so he has to sleep during the time he is usually working, and visa versa this week.
Today he tried not to sleep much so he could sleep through the night and be ready to go in the morning. It's kinda crazy that they have them flip flop shifts so often. He'll be back on the night shift next week!

I imagine when he gets back home, we'll both be sleeping like babies! Well, I guess after he adjusts to the time difference again.

I am pretty tired. It's been a long day. I got up and worked out and did some laundry and dishes. I talked to both my mom and my boyfriend's mom, as well as my boyfriend today. It was good to get some socializing in. It makes me feel a lot less alone. I got a little teary at the end of my video chat today. I contained it pretty well, but I think he can tell when I'm getting emotional and trying to cover it up. I was just missing him a lot and wanted to be right there with him, snuggled up in bed, listening to him snore. :)

I wish the weather was nice here. I think I have a touch of the winter blahs too. I need some sunshine!! At least the days are getting longer now (supposedly, but I haven't noticed yet!)

Time for some shut eye, I hope. I need to get my mind to wind down first.

Day Twenty-One.

Saturday January 8, 2011

It's been three-weeks now. Only...a lot more to go.

I know it's technically January 9th...but I have been dealing with drama from my upstairs neighbors this evening. Someone else actually called the cops to complain about the noise, and I do believe they think I did it. So now I am the one that has to deal with their taunting. I swear if I could move right now, I would. I may call the leasing office tomorrow if they are open and see what the options are, or if maybe their lease is up soon... that would be such a blessing!

So anyway, my evening has been filled with anxiety upon anxiety. Last night they were super loud until like 3:00am. I had to move from the couch to the bedroom to sleep. I did actually sleep for a little while there. I napped today for few hours late afternoon. I'm actually waiting on someone to call the cops again because they are just as loud now as they were before.

I've actually been thinking about going home again. The weekends are the worst though, so hopefully after tonight it'll at least be calm at least during the week. I may just go to a hotel on the weekends or something, we'll see. Seems silly to have to leave your own house just to feel safe and be able to sleep. The sad thing is, I think a couple of them are military too.

Today wasn't bad however. I talked to my honey via video chat this afternoon. He had a pretty uneventful night at the Walker Center. He basically just handed out cameras and headphones as needed. Not too much to report. I got our spare bedroom squared away. It still had army gear everywhere! Now everything is contained in a big tub and a backpack, and Class A's, ACU's and PT uniforms are all hanging up nicely in the closet! It's so nice to have it looking so organized!

Tonight my soldier will be working for the first time at the "FARP" which I had mentioned before is a quick turn around type place for the helicopters to land and get refueled, or re-armed or get other things checked and fixed. He'll potentially be seeing a lot more action there. He said that usually it's a lot of down time with a few minutes of action most of the time. I'm a little anxious about it, but I'm sure it'll be okay and he'll have lots to tell me tomorrow!

I have been praying more than I have prayed in a long, long time here recently!  I just hope that they are heard.. and answered.

Day Twenty.

Today is Friday. For many people this day is a great day of relief. For me it is just another day.
For my upstairs neighbors, it is a night to disrupt my humble abode with loud music, shouting and disruptive behavior. It's frustrating, but I am trying to tune it out. It's not that I don't like to have a good time, I just don't want to be down here listening to others have a good time ALL night, especially when my property has been a casualty from their "good times" previously.
My mind is crowded with my own thoughts and anxiety on it's own, but with the help of my neighbors, I am completely unable to think straight and compose rational thoughts! Not an environment conducive to writing...

However, I am going to do my best to pull together some complete sentences here.

The day started out pretty well. I worked out again, so I was proud to check that off my to-do list for today! I also got a lot of other little things checked off as well. I spoke to the FRG leader of my boyfriend's unit. So I will now be on the emailing list for updates and also on the phone tree. I'm glad to be able to be involved, even though I'm not a spouse. I was worried about that. There is a meeting on January 25th that I am going to attend. It will provide updated information, and who knows what else. I'm not sure what to expect.

I talked to my honey via web-chat today! He had quite a bit to tell me today!

I guess it was really cold there last night. The down side to that is he had to work outside for about 5 hours. In addition to the cold, there were a lot of helicopters (or "birds" as he phrased it) flying around and landing in the area, so this also made it really windy.

He got to work on a helicopter's engine oil temperature transducer. (fancy huh?) It turned out to be a little bit of a challenge than initially thought.
They lost power towards the end of the shift in the "spam" which is a kind of remote work space that he usually works out of, and they lost power in the hangars as well.

He also was telling me that they do often hear mortars, but mostly they are pretty far off. There are some that have hit the Iraqi side of the base, but as of late, none on their side. (thank God!)

Tonight's shift he is going to work at the Walker Center - which is where the computers and such are located. So he'll be in charge of helping people with whatever they need, like headphones to video chat, or whatever else.

He's so ready to get a chance for a ride-along on a test flight. So far he hasn't had the opportunity. I hope that he does before he leaves. I know that will just thrill him to pieces! (Heck, I'd love it too!!!!!)

The National Guard has been filtering in this week. The FRG leader I spoke to today confirmed that they will indeed be moving into a "warehouse" type environment, and that communication will be less frequent. I don't look forward to that. She said it should be around the beginning of February. So I have a month left to talk regularly, and then a month of very limited communication..... sigh. 
BUT, at least then it won't be long until he is home. That is what I need to remember and stay focused on.

I really don't have much else to say today. I have a lot of thoughts spinning in my head, but I don't want to entertain them. I need to contain them and send them away... as an old boss of mine used to say about things that we couldn't control, or do anything about... "Just put it in a bubble and blow it away!"  Sometimes that's the best we can do!

Day Nineteen.

Thursday January 6th, 2011

Man, today has been a long day! I got a call from my soldier via Skype this morning. He called a lot earlier than usual so I was lucky I caught the call. I actually missed his first call. I was about 30 seconds from working out and happened to walk through the room where the computer was as I was headed to the treadmill!

We had a nice chat today. He didn't have much going on there since he was off work and basically watched t.v. and movies and surfed the web. But I had two days worth of things to tell him since we just chatted on facebook for a short while yesterday.

It's nice to have the video chat. I brought one of my mom's cats back home with me (not sure if I've mentioned this or not) so he gets to see the cat run around while we chat. She does provide plenty of entertainment for me, and also some aggravation, but she is decent company at least, so I'm not talking to myself all the time!

After my workout, I made a much needed grocery trip!  Everything I did today was forced. I did not want to get out of bed (or, couch) I didn't want to workout, and I didn't want to go to the grocery! But, hence I did complete all of these tasks, as well as make some phone calls for school related things.

I find myself constantly battling myself, and my thoughts, trying to stay positive and not become disheartened. Every day seems like such a task at the start, then a victory at the end of the day when I've made it through!

It's strange in a way because it's not like we haven't spent long periods of time apart before. We were apart during Basic Training, and AIT....However, I think the distance, and the location have a lot to do with it..

Today I was thinking about what it will be like for my soldier when he gets back... if the apartment will feel weird to him, like when you go on vacation to some place really different then come back and it all looks and smells a little strange. Will the U.S. look different to him? I imagine it will after being gone so long. I wonder what else he will be feeling or thinking...I have to reel myself in a little when I start thinking about his homecoming.. I start to get really excited and happy, and just think of the wonderful anticipation we will be feeling in the days and moments leading up to his homecoming!  I just don't want to get too far ahead of myself since we still have a while to go! But every now and then, I like to let myself revel in that lovely place where he'll be back in my arms. It makes me smile.

I also ponder often what he is doing right now and who he is spending his days with, what the atmosphere is like, the sounds and smells, what experiences are molding and changing him in ways he may not even realize, and how his body and mind are reacting to such an upheaval to it's usual surroundings and accommodations.

For the most part he seems to be in fairly good spirits. We had a lot of good laughs today. It was fun chatting! I missed seeing his face after the one day of no video chat! We are spoiled! 

I will be so glad to "hang-out" with my soldier...my best friend...my boyfriend...my honey.....my love, again - - in person!!

Day Eighteen.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

There was an issue with the blog page last night so I had to write my post in Word and save it to post….

Today was a long day.  I did get some sleep last night, about 5 or 6 hours (Tuesday night) and got up early this morning ready to tackle the world!  I unpacked some more of my stuff that I hadn’t unpacked from my trip home. I still have some clothes in a suitcase, but not really in a hurry to get to that. I did some laundry and organized a little. I was ready and waiting for my soldier’s call around 11:30am so I tried to stay close to the computer.  I did some job searching and applied for a couple. Paid some bills, made some phone calls…. Then 2:00pm rolled around and still no call or email. At this point my mind begins to wander a bit. 

I know that he was going to try and call from the MWR today, so that could have delayed him some by either having to walk there or to wait for a computer. I decided to just type an email and let him know about my previous evening and day today. By the time I was concluding my email, I received an email from him. He was at the MWR but was going to have to chat with me via facebook. The internet in his Chu was not working either. So who knows what tomorrow will bring. 

He was off work tonight. I was hoping we might be able to chat this evening, but he might be too tired, and the internet might not be working and depends on when his roommates were sleeping, etc.

I felt bad for him because there really wasn’t much for him to do.  Since he’s on the night shift, and his roomies are on days, he can’t exactly do much in the Chu. He could basically just hang out at the MWR and watch t.v. and get on the shared computers when available. 

He had to walk around a lot after work. Had to go to medical to see if he needed a booster vaccine, which he didn’t, and then to the finance center to again try and get his eagle card to work, which they didn’t fix. So he walked miles around base after being tired from work for no reason pretty much, and now has to find a way to kill time on his day off. I know it has to be so boring and frustrating. At least work for him last night went quickly and he had interesting things to do. 

I miss him so much. I just can’t wait for March to roll around!!! I wish I could somehow fast forward, or figure out how to make the time go faster. I’m trying to stay busy and applying for part-time jobs, so hope that’ll help. It’s just taking me a few days to get back into the swing of things here and get focused.

My head is a little cloudy this evening, lots of thoughts.. going to try and catch some Z’s!

Day Seventeen.

First night back home alone was not so great. I only slept a couple hours. I kept hearing noises and imagining someone breaking in. I heard sirens and feared the apartment complex was on fire. The cat I brought home kept trying to sleep on my face and running around crazy. I eventually moved to the couch and locked the cat up so I could sleep for a couple hours!

Tonight I am just going to start out on the couch and hopefully sleep better. I bought some Christmas door hangars with bells on them, just for a little peace of mind. I sure hope that I can get better adjusted to being alone. I can't imagine going through the next two months like this. I felt like a zombie today!

I did get the care package sent off today - FINALLY! I actually stopped at the Post Office on my way home yesterday but they didn't open until 8:30am. I let my boyfriend know this, he said he hopes it will make it in time. I sure hope it does. He said they had to turn in some sort of mail card the other day.

The shipping cost a lot less than I thought it would be. I had to fill out a custom's form. They said it will take 5-10 business days....so hopefully it will take closer to five because otherwise there is a good chance it won't make it. I think it is pretty ridiculous that they are going to be there for another 2+ months and will not have any access to mail. In addition to that, being moved out of their Chu's and into a "warehouse" to live.

Okay, I will try to be more positive. I know it could be a lot worse, so I need to count my blessings....Sometimes though it is difficult.

My soldier did not have too much to chat about today in regards to his work. His shift was pretty slow and not much going on. This shift is a difficult change I think. He gets off work just after the sun comes up, and goes to bed, then goes to work just as the sun is setting. Not seeing much daylight can get old quick and really affect your mood.. so I hope he will try and get some "sun" on his day off tomorrow after work.

Talking to my boyfriend totally turned my mood around and helped me get over the hump I was struggling with. He cheered me up and made me feel so much better! It is always the highlight of my day chatting with my honey! I really hope we can still chat when he moves out of his Chu. It just might be a little less convenient for him. 

Tomorrow I need to get in gear and be productive. My mind is wavering quite a bit, struggling to stay focused and positive, battling with loneliness and what-if's. So often I feel like this is all a dream. It is so surreal. I pray that tonight will go well and sleep will come easy.

Day Sixteen.

I am wondering if I should let myself post right now. I. Am. Grumpy.

SO. I traveled 641 miles today... 11 hours of driving.... with a cat in the car... to an empty apartment... unloaded the car... smoke alarm chirping due to low battery... soooo I went to Wal-Mart where apparently everyone else in the town was and all the super slow cashiers were working.... so 45 minutes later (a trip that should have taken 15, maybe 20 minutes!) ... then got stopped at the train! (this was just the icing on the cake at this point)

I also had to buy a ladder because I couldn't reach the smoke detectors. But that is all taken care of now, and the cat is getting situated. Back to being head of the house-hold for a while!! I was spoiled by my wonderful boyfriend! He would never let me (well "let" is not the right word, he would rather take care of something like that for me, rather than watch me drag a ladder around and stand on, and struggle to get a battery in overhead) do all that mess if he could help it.  He is quite handy and enjoys doing those sort of things, especially if they are for me. He is just too sweet, I don't know how I ever got so lucky!

I was just watching the local news and they showed that a group of soldiers returned to the base today. I cannot wait for that day to come for me and my love!  As well as the other people that are missing their loved ones!  I know there are many wives/girlfriends waiting for their husbands/boyfriends to come home.. (also husbands/boyfriends waiting for their wives/girlfriends as well!)

It is so hard. It's even more difficult relaying how you feel to others, or even more challenging is NOT relaying how you feel to EVERYONE you know, and even those you don't know! 

Having my boyfriend overseas is ever-present on my mind. There is not one minute of the day that I forget, or that it slips my mind. I am always there with him in Iraq. So there are many times when I have to stop myself from rambling on to the cashier about why I'm buying an American flag pin-wheel that I saw for .99!!!

I don't expect anything in return from them. I'm not looking for sympathy or a freebie. I can't even explain why it is I do this. Maybe it is my pride for my soldier? Maybe I feel like others should be as thankful as I am for our freedom, and those who serve? And some days it's just that others may be complaining about a terrible day, but I am thinking well at least you have your husband or boyfriend to cuddle up to and make it better when you get home..  that may be a little selfish, but it's the truth.

I have never, and will never, take our time together for granted.

I did get to chat briefly with my soldier today. It was on my cell phone, so the delay was really bad, and we lost our connection twice. We didn't talk very long due to both of those factors. We'll get to video chat tomorrow, so there will be much more to post on his happenings tomorrow.

On that note, I am going to get myself ready for bed in our empty apartment. I am hoping I can wake up with a refreshed spirit and renewed motivation! Lots to do this week!!!  

Day Fifteen.

Well, today felt like a total waste. I have literally done nothing but sleep and lay in bed most of the day.

I am going to head home tomorrow though. I am ready to be back home.. I think. I just miss my own place, with my bed and such. I know it will be more lonely there though. So that I am not looking forward to. I know the apartment will be empty and echo with my thoughts of missing my soldier.

I need to mentally prepare myself. So I've been trying to do that tonight. I am taking a kitty home with me. My mom has two kittens and they are quite mischievous as a pair, so I'm doing her a favor by taking one, and also might help me from being too lonely there by myself.

Today the connection on Skype was horrible. Actually my boyfriend said that the internet there was all messed up. We kid about the connection when we get frustrated, then remember, oh yeah - it is half-way around the world that we are trying to communicate, so it might be a little less than perfect from time to time!  We are fortunate that we are able to communicate as much as we do.

I'm trying to remember what all we chatted about today....  He had his first night shift last night. He said it wasn't bad at all. They stayed busy and the time went fast, and also the people that he works with are fun to work with so I was happy to hear that. Having good co-workers can really make a difference! 

He has to go up to finance tomorrow. Something to do with his "eagle card" which is a card they can put funds on, like a credit/debit card but without the risk of someone stealing your information. His was acting up for some reason. The only issue is that he has to walk like 20 minutes one way to get to finance after work, so he was going to try and find a ride somehow.

Well time to wrap it up and take some cold meds and head to bed! I won't be able to talk to my honey via video chat tomorrow. I'm bummed about that... but we may be able to chat on my way home. I'll have to schedule a stop or something.

Day Fourteen.

I am still feeling under the weather. Going to post-pone my drive back home until at least Monday.

It's now been two weeks since my boyfriend left for Iraq!!  I think posting everyday makes it seem longer since I am actually counting the days...but posting each day helps me keep sane I think.

Today he worked his last day shift. They did inventory of a cargo container, mostly tool boxes. His group did a great job and he said they pretty much set the standard for effeciency. They laid out all the tools in a specific order and did so for each tool box, so the person taking inventory could complete it much quicker! Good thinking!!

It is apparently really muddy there now. He showed me his tennis shoes caked with mud.

Not a whole lot else going on at the moment. Tonight is his first midnight - 0800 shift, so I'll be anxious to hear all about what that was like.  We aren't sure what time we'll be able to chat tomorrow due to his shift change, so we'll have to email to figure out a good time.

I don't have much to talk about today. I started packing this evening, but just felt uneasy about leaving tomorrow.  I think one: because I am sick, and two: because I am afraid of going back to be there alone... I will start looking for part-time work and also school part-time, but that won't start right away, and I know that I will be stir-crazy. It's strange for me to be alone like that. It's been so long since I have been alone, and even then it was only for a short time. So all this is really foreign to me. 

I may need to get a cat or something.  We'll see... good night!