It has officially been two months to the day that my soldier returned from deployment in Iraq! It really feels like that was a lifetime ago. When I go back and re-read my old posts, it seems like such a distant memory. Maybe I've blocked it out? I am glad I blogged during that time, however. It's interesting to re-live those moments through my posts.
So, I am not sure where to even begin. The last couple months have been packed with activities!!
A little over a week after my soldier returned, we got married!!!!! So, yep, I'm a real-life Army spouse now! On March 18, 2011 we had a small ceremony to make it official! We actually wanted to go to the courthouse, but they don't do services on Fridays, and we later found out that there was a three-week waiting list for judge performed ceremonies.
Since he's not technically allowed to live off-post without being married, we couldn't wait too long. My sister flew in from New York and several of our friends here came to our very informal ceremony. We didn't have family there, except for my sister who pretty much insisted and gave me no choice. (which I was of course happy she could be there!) We didn't want to make it a big deal, and have to rent out a venue and that creates a catering issue, and it's just a snow-ball rolling downhill from there!
We were thrifty and only spent $50 on the minister, and $25 to rent out our apartment's clubhouse for an hour. Most of that hour was spent mulling around waiting for everyone to show up; the ceremony only took about 15 minutes. That being longer than we wanted, but when you "eeny, meeny, minie, moe" pick out a minister, you never know what you are going to get! In hindsight, I wish I had interviewed the minister a bit more to see how his version of the ceremony would be, but it got the job done. He was a bit long winded and did a few ceremonial things that we could have done without, but we'll always remember it, and it was still very special.
Afterwards we invited everyone to a nice sports bar & grill in town for dinner. One of my husband's fellow soldiers made us an amazing wedding cake and surprised us! She had only asked what kind of cake we liked, so I assumed it would be just a standard sheet cake. Nope. It was a three-tiered wedding cake, with topper (that another soldier had purchased for us) and decorated with red roses. I was so impressed and flattered that she would go through so much trouble for us!
We then headed down the street to the bowling alley and had some adult beverages, bowled and had a fabulous time! It was so nice to have a relaxed evening and a low-stress wedding!!!!
The next night we stayed in the next town over, which is larger, and went to a couple bars and got a hotel room that we could walk to. We had a great time!
Since then, I have struggled my way through class and finally finished my final project. Class is officially over for this semester! I have my new military i.d. so that is official! I still need to legally change my last name... that is a project for this summer! It's such a process and a pain in the rear!
I have to say that the "re-deployment" as it's called (which is when the soldiers come home and reintegrate back into "regular" life) was not exactly how I envisioned it was going to be.
I found that I wasn't always sure what to do with myself. (which is actually not all that uncommon for me....) I didn't want to hover, I didn't want to crowd his space, but I also didn't want to be too far away from him at any given time... At the same time, after about a week, I was craving my "alone" time... I missed the independence that I had when it was just me. I also found myself getting frustrated with doing simple things, like making lunch or dinner. Let me explain.. When it was just me, I would eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. If I wanted to eat popcorn and sliced cheese for dinner, that was cool. If I wasn't hungry until 3pm and then ate dinner at midnight, that was fine too. So it was a big change to think, "Oh, it's 6pm, that means we better figure out what to eat...and do we want to eat the same thing?"
There were several days when I wanted to go "do something" outside of the house, and he didn't. He was perfectly satisfied with hanging out and watching t.v. and movies and surfing the web. I, on the other hand, had been doing this for months and was ready to go out and have fun with my guy.
He was also a little "antsy" (his words) for a while. It was a big change for him; He was used to being on edge all the time, in a heightened state of awareness.
Another thing he mentioned was the fact he was going from being "under the thumb" at all times, for example, they only had a few places they could go at certain times. (the dinning facility, computer center, the px, or work) Now that he was back "the world was his oyster" as the saying goes, and it was quite overwhelming.
There was one day in particular that I was just anxious and felt crowded and cranky in the house and decided I needed to go to Walmart. He started to get ready to go with me, and then stopped....He is good at reading me sometimes... He said, "Or do you want to go by yourself?" and then smiled. I felt bad, but I told him that it would be nice to go alone.
So all in all, it's been wonderful, but it is a challenge. It is definitely something that both partners have to work at, communicate, and make sure to stay on the same page! If not, insecurities are certain to build and misunderstandings of actions and words will eat away at the relationship. I feel extremely blessed to be able to share my feelings with my spouse so openly, and he does the same. In a military life, I think there would be no other way if you want to keep a good marriage. There are so many obstacles to face... you need to be on the same team.
With that said, I have also had thoughts about the next deployment... I have lots of fears, worry, anxiety.. There is nothing in writing or even rumoring... but I know that he'll be eligible for deployment in 2013. It will most likely be a year deployment, and as the world stands now (but could easily change at any time) it would be to Afghanistan. I have to force myself to block it out some days. At the same time though, I have to keep it in my mind. If we want to start a family any time soon, we have to plan around deployments! Or do we wait? For how long? Time will tell, but for today I am relishing in the "honeymoon phase" that we are in at the moment. If there is anything good about deployments, as I've heard, it's the continual honeymoon phases after deployments.
This is the longest we have ever been together as a couple. It's so great to be able to know that, at least for a while, we can be together. No one has to fly back home, we don't have to wait for the next four-day weekend to see one another, there aren't restrictions of when we can talk to each other, we don't have to wait for a Skype call with a grainy picture and audio delay, just to glimpse our beloved.
Even on the worst days, we have each other!
